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Author Topic: Sexuality in CEDU  (Read 9922 times)

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Offline try another castle

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Sexuality in CEDU
« Reply #30 on: November 11, 2007, 05:41:25 AM »
Quote from: ""alia23""
i am sort of tripping out because i dont remember guy on guy or girl on girl dancing at cedu.  but i dont remember ever dancing with anyone.  i just remember screaming at the floor and then being showered with affection and so glad that i wasnt screaming at the floor anymore.

i also remember being sure that one staff was homosexual and having sex with the guys in my peer group.  i was extremely jealous that they got to have sex and i didnt.  but the guy i was sure he was having sex with i was pretty sure was actually straight and just taking what he could get, which probably fucked him up pretty bad.  

i never felt any less fear of being caught with a girl at cedu than being caught with a guy, i never felt tempted to try and make out with a girl because i thought i would get off easier.  in fact i felt more scared to try and make out with a girl cause i figure she'd be more likely to tell.


Well, here's the thing. If you actually identified as gay, then your trip through CEDU was a lot more painful, because you were always held up to scrutiny when you smooshed, exactly as if you had been a straight boy. You could do it, but people would give you shit about it if they thought you were getting off on it.

If you want to see guy on guy or girl on girl dancing, I have pictures from 50s night, sweetheart.  :D
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Offline Anonymous

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Wow
« Reply #31 on: November 11, 2007, 11:17:13 AM »
Alia I'm surprised you don't remember same sex dancing. That's all we could do in CEDU RS circa late 80s!  Which would've been fine had I had crushes on girls!

The funny thing, I was just telling my BF, is that I really prefer dancing with girls, cause I can cut loose and have more fun.  I like to sloooow dance with mi amor, but even when I went to clubs, it was with my girl posse and I'd tell all the boys they'd have to dance with us all to stand a chance.  Not they they minded. Smirk.
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Offline Anonymous

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Re: Wow
« Reply #32 on: November 11, 2007, 11:44:16 AM »
I graduated from cedu in'87, and while we did have a prom type dance, that was the only time I remember dancing with the boys. Laurie, or was it Laura, Saunders (Sanders?) made me put bandaids on my nips because she thought they would show through my dress.

Quote from: ""CEDU 1987""
Alia I'm surprised you don't remember same sex dancing. That's all we could do in CEDU RS circa late 80s!  Which would've been fine had I had crushes on girls!

The funny thing, I was just telling my BF, is that I really prefer dancing with girls, cause I can cut loose and have more fun.  I like to sloooow dance with mi amor, but even when I went to clubs, it was with my girl posse and I'd tell all the boys they'd have to dance with us all to stand a chance.  Not they they minded. Smirk.
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Offline try another castle

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Re: Wow
« Reply #33 on: November 11, 2007, 11:46:17 AM »
Quote from: ""Mistyeydgrl""
I graduated from cedu in'87, and while we did have a prom type dance, that was the only time I remember dancing with the boys. Laurie, or was it Laura, Saunders (Sanders?) made me put bandaids on my nips because she thought they would show through my dress.

Quote from: ""CEDU 1987""
Alia I'm surprised you don't remember same sex dancing. That's all we could do in CEDU RS circa late 80s!  Which would've been fine had I had crushes on girls!

The funny thing, I was just telling my BF, is that I really prefer dancing with girls, cause I can cut loose and have more fun.  I like to sloooow dance with mi amor, but even when I went to clubs, it was with my girl posse and I'd tell all the boys they'd have to dance with us all to stand a chance.  Not they they minded. Smirk.



the only time it is appropriate to put  band-aids on nipples (aside from running a marathon) is if you aren't wearing anything else and want to be a tease.



Yeah, I remember "prom". What a fucking joke. Make us dress up just so we could all go to walden to dance to the fucking steve miller band. Oh joy, lets all dance to saturday crews music. time keeps on slippin...
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Offline Anonymous

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hello
« Reply #34 on: November 11, 2007, 12:10:05 PM »
Misty Eyed, I might have known you at CEDU RS.  


PM me as Shanlea.  I would have been in Vision.
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Offline blownawaytheidahoway

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Sexuality in CEDU
« Reply #35 on: November 12, 2007, 12:32:44 PM »
QUOTE BY CEDU IS A CULT


I just didn't have real friends for the most part at CEDU and it was harder to have real friends after CEDU. It was like I could never relax and just be myself with "CEDU" friends. I never was or could be the type of person that "CEDU" considers a "real friend" or that I would want to have as a "real friend." There are too many things I like to do that CEDU forced its believers to think is wrong.

I mean I remember getting blown away about liking eating pussy when I was like 13 years old. Shit- nothings changed! (just kidding- a little humour)

Also, I see nothing wrong with smoking a little herb.

I don't think people have to know every detail about eachother to be the best of friends or lovers.

I like going dirt bike riding and motorcycles as opposed to smooshing, telling cop-outs or crying. In fact, I have only physically cried tears three times in the last several years as opposed to CEDU's theory of almost daily tears.

I don't believe in their philosophy of what a true man is.

I believe to thine own self be true, and in other words F what anyone else thinks.

I'm only saying this pretending that CEDU actually had a philosophy that it actually believed in and practiced.

The fact is CEDU was brutally physically, emotionally, sexually abusive. I mean don't you fucking remember the shit you heard in raps and profeets?

Don't you remember the intense shame and humiliation?

The bead of sweat, the shaky nerves, the paranoia, the first time you heard someone cop-out to the group and it was your turn next?

The brutal way they pushed and pushed and pushed until you fucking broke and became hollow?

You know something, I figured out what Ceduites remind me of- born-again christians. That "Jesus loves me" glow people had after profeets. And that high you had coming out of profeets- it was the same psycho-somatic high born-again christians have.

Some people on this site are basically Born-again Cedus. Cedu loves you. Have you accepted Cedu into your heart as your personal lord and saviour? But for the grace of Cedu. Is there a parallel between pedophile priests and Cedu staff members?
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Life is a very wonderful thing.\' said Dr. Branom... \'The processes of life, the make- up of the human organism, who can fully understand these miracles?... What is happening to you now is what should happen to any normal healthy human organism...You are being made sane, you are being made healthy.
     \'That I will not have, \' I said, \'nor can understand at all. What you\'ve been doing is to make me feel very very ill.\'
                         -Anthony Burgess
                      A Clockwork Orange

Offline blownawaytheidahoway

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from same thread
« Reply #36 on: November 12, 2007, 12:34:02 PM »
three year old posts. but i though they were relevant
enjoy.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Life is a very wonderful thing.\' said Dr. Branom... \'The processes of life, the make- up of the human organism, who can fully understand these miracles?... What is happening to you now is what should happen to any normal healthy human organism...You are being made sane, you are being made healthy.
     \'That I will not have, \' I said, \'nor can understand at all. What you\'ve been doing is to make me feel very very ill.\'
                         -Anthony Burgess
                      A Clockwork Orange

Offline blownawaytheidahoway

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from same thread
« Reply #37 on: November 12, 2007, 12:35:16 PM »
three year old posts. but i though they were relevant
enjoy.



I don't know if I can say that those years were among my favorite. I really tried to take the good with the bad for many years, but to be truthful, I did not often feel what I consider to be real friendships there. A few, but then they were with older brothers that were watching me, and while at the same time making my stay a tiny fraction more bearable, abandoning me for the rest of life? I had few staff friends and the one that I really did have conceeds that I was very misunderstood and that I did have staff who vocally disliked me. I now know that that was their reacting to what they percieved as fearlessness and pride. The people I would like to talk to most about RMA and the whole CEDU enchilada are the people I hope not yet to run into. Almost all the people in my peer group were not cool to me. I was just someone they could beat up on because I was more cerebral. I would become reactive eventually and the heat would be extinguished under their own chair. I resented the cycle. Also, I just didn't really like some of them. But I don't know what they as individuals became. It's not fair to rail on them now, at least not like the staff, but I know that I will have to think a lot about them if I keep corresponding with this crowd.
I do see that there is certainly a love/hate relationship with these places. That is certainly textbook for someone who is confused about what it all means.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Life is a very wonderful thing.\' said Dr. Branom... \'The processes of life, the make- up of the human organism, who can fully understand these miracles?... What is happening to you now is what should happen to any normal healthy human organism...You are being made sane, you are being made healthy.
     \'That I will not have, \' I said, \'nor can understand at all. What you\'ve been doing is to make me feel very very ill.\'
                         -Anthony Burgess
                      A Clockwork Orange

Offline Anonymous

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gay stuff....
« Reply #38 on: December 02, 2007, 10:50:04 PM »
Well crikey... I figured this would be a good part of the forum to give you my take on the whole sexuality thing from when I attended CEDU RS back in 78-80...  I had an inkling I was gay even back before then and perhaps my Dad had sent me to CEDU with the thought that it would help me deal with the issue. Little did he know that it didn't help at all, and just made things more confusing.

I remember smooshing...  I remember feeling really fucking confused about it as there were guys I was smooshing with that I had crushes on. I mean for fuck sake I was 16 years old.....  I do remember getting in trouble one time after messing around with another guy named Jordan. I have no idea if he is straight or gay or whatever, it was 28 years ago.......

I never felt safe or supported being queer at Cedu RS, in fact I felt like I always had to watch my back...

I do wonder what happened to some of my classmates from back then ...Alison Frome... My best friend back then was Damon Keyes and I have no idea if he's alive or dead or what... I just had to chip in the say it was no picnic in the park.. Looking back as a gay man now, the experience was a mixed bag. I enjoyed the death Valley trip and the physical challenges, but I'm not sure about all of the propheet stuff as I am just now reading peoples stories of their experiences with it all..

LOL the funny thing is that when I graduated from CEDU I ran to San Francisco and came out for good where I lived on and off for 17 years...
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Offline timothybee

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RIP Damon Keyes
« Reply #39 on: December 02, 2007, 11:37:59 PM »
Well I just did a search and found out a classmate of mine I just mentioned before from CEDU RS in 1980 died in 2006 at the age of 38... =( :o
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Offline alia23

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Sexuality in CEDU
« Reply #40 on: December 03, 2007, 10:25:32 PM »
you guys gotta let me know who the ceduites are so i won't let them influence me at all.

thanks.
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lia
your silence will not protect you

Offline try another castle

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Sexuality in CEDU
« Reply #41 on: December 03, 2007, 11:43:21 PM »
Quote from: ""alia23""
you guys gotta let me know who the ceduites are so i won't let them influence me at all.

thanks.



"Is the dark side stronger?"
"No...no...no. Quicker, easier, more seductive."
"But how am I to know the good side from the bad?"
"You will know. When you are calm, at peace. Passive. A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense, never for attack."
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Offline Hated Cedu

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gay=no no
« Reply #42 on: December 04, 2007, 06:32:09 PM »
I was in Running Springs in 1980.  Yes, like already stated, gays were shamed in raps.

Screw animals, fine.  Screw students (Dan Earle) is okay, too.  But, find love with a fellow human of the same sex, well then that's just ugly.

At 17, I knew how horribly and wrongly treated gays were.  My heart broke then.  At 43, I'd kick the ass of any abusive homophobe.   :flame:
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IP Danielle Allgood, Carmen Earl, John Padgett......enjoy your rot in hell!  :flame:

Offline alia23

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Sexuality in CEDU
« Reply #43 on: December 05, 2007, 03:58:39 AM »
i was there like 89 i guess.  i may have stated later on here, i was confused for a while, but i checked my journals i think i got there in 89, grad 91.  i think in 80 the kids were still  a lot older, they got younger and younger by the time i was there, i was enrolled at 14.
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lia
your silence will not protect you

Offline cedu91to93

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Sexuality in CEDU
« Reply #44 on: December 05, 2007, 11:11:50 AM »
Alia-
I think you graduated in 1992 or 1993......I believe you were the peer group above mine.....which would make you june of 1993.
-V
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