After reading this I felt strongly that I had to respond.
The young man attemtpting to bail out of Turn-About-Ranch was almost certainly my nephew Andy. His father (my brother) and I brought him to Escalante in desperation and fear for his life. Andy has a long history of drug and alcohol abuse, running away, theft, etc. He has put himself in harms way so many times that it is astonishing he is still alive. It's likely that he was at less risk in the canyon country on a cold night than in many other situations he has willingly placed himself in.
Andy was caght crossing a road after a couple of days and sent back to Roundy. A few days later he ran again and made it to the outskirts of Escalante. He broke into a house and fed himself canned goods from the pantry and hung low for a couple days. Because the water to the house was off he made a pretty good mess of the place. He also stole a knife from the house, presumably for defense. After a couple of days he called a taxi company in Cedar City (about 100 miles away) and arranged for them to meet him at the TAR headquarters after business hours. I gather that the driver showed up early and there were still people at the office. He (the driver) explained why he was there, and the TAR folks were able to snag Andy when he showed up for his cab.
After his attempts to run away from the ranch Andy was sent to another Aspen group program in Loa, Utah. Andy's behavior there included a hunger strike, refusal to use the toilet(soiling himself instead), and repeatedly sharpening branches and sticks and implying that he would use them offensively or self destuctively. Eventually the program people decided that he was unreachable.
Andy was placed in the Central Utah Youth Correctional Facility in Richfield, Utah charged in the break in and theft. He also has charges pending in his home state in association with a school break in, possessing stolen property, purse snatchinf, etc. Afetr a 45 day observation and assessment period the authorities in Utah came to the same conclusion the the Aspen people did: essentially, Andy is unreachable, unwilling or unable to participate in his own emotional growth, dismissive of all who try to help him, and unable to control his impulsive behavior.
Understand something else about Andy...this kid verges on genius. He is fully bi-lingual, extemely musically talented (I am personally in awe of how well this kid know a guitars fret board), and as crafty and persuasive as they come. He comes from a good family, they have their issues as so we all, but they are solid people who care deeply about him.
So now they are preparing to send Andy back to his home state. The state of Utah isn't interested in pursuing the issue with a kid who doesn't care, and evidently doesn't mind jail too much either. It's likely that he will be commited to a psychiatric institution. The courts at home will probably enforce a conviction of some sort (completeing a program entitled him to a diversion program that would have left his record clean). His parents have to foot the bill for a wasted effort, as well as a $200 cab trip. And ultimately Andy is no better and no better off.
Dont't fool yourself into thinking that I don't know what I'm talking about, or that I'm just periperally involved in all this.My daughter was at TAR for 92 days in 2003, and has done very well since.
She was chronically truant, failing her classes, experimenting with drugs, sexually active with an older boyfriend, etc. Homelife was hell, and the stress on my marriage and worklife was extreme.
The program at TAR has done wonders in many ways, but the single greatest contribution (in my opinion) was the opportunity for Emily ( another Emily) to re-invent herself in a new environment, uninfluenced by the social pressures and habits of her peer group at home. Once she was no longer having daily contact with her "friends" here, and in the rather austere and demanding environment at TAR, she was free and encouraged to take stock of herself in a supportive atmosphere. Accepting her own contribution to her decline (don't get me wrong here, my contribution was SUBSTANTIAL), seeing her way clear to integrate change in her life, and commiting herself to taking this new found attitude beyond the ranch has done a world of good for my daughter.
Emily is not perfect today by any means. She has had a lot of challenges since leaving the ranch. Not all her decisions were good ones, and she doesn't always see things as we do. But she has learned to learn from her mistakes. She considers consequences, and displays a willingness to learn from her mistakes. She is in school, doing well even great, and looking forward to college and adulthood. She has a sense of who she is that is independant of what others think of her, and she is commited to living a spiritually healthy and sane life.
I have asked her and she said that she never witnessed any abuse on the part of staff at TAR, although she indicated that they were pretty harsh if you got out of line. No, she wasn't very fond of Wayne, or her experience at Roundy, but she feels like it was a very important part of the program. I mean, after all, the whole objective of impact is to shake the kid up, right? And as far as Max Stewart goes, she was scared to death of him at first, then cautious, and finally became very fond of him and sees him today as one of the most positively influential people in her life.
The program at TAR is not life in a vacuum. Don't send your child there if you aren't able or willing to accept whatever role or contribution you have made as parents towards your son's problems. The counselers at TAR and the program itself is geared toward a broader base than simply what the childs problems may be, but offers great hope to families that can work together toward resolving a range of issues. If you think that TAR can solve all your problems for you by dealing with your child out in the boonies of southern Utah without your active and commited participation, think again. Save your money if you can't buy into your own contribution to the chaos that exists. I don't mean to imply that you are the whole problem, but teens are largely influenced by those around them, and parents can be awfully toxic.
I'm not certain what this forum is all about. Yes, there are some pretty awful programs out there, and a lot of charlatans too. I read a lot of bitching and moaning that sounds like a bunch of whiners who need to grow up, and also some obviously legitimate complaints. But without goood effective programs like TAR children like my daughter are going to have a hard time becoming the happy productive adults they deserve to be.
