Thought I'd start a thread dedicated to 'success' stories. This one is classic.
http://www.strugglingteens.com/cgi-bin/ ... 2;t=00081324 June 04
Our son just graduated. The process was exciting, emotional and warm. But now he is back and while a much nicer human being, he is depressed and reverting to the old consolation of video games. The job that had been lined up for him fell through, Any thoughts?
Anyone have suggestions for a job in NYC?
13 August
I have been reluctant to respond to this question, because I felt so hopeful during my son's graduation this June. I still feel hopeful, but with more concerns.
He did really well at TBS and will be heading to college with a partial scholarship(thank you very much).
He came home with a commitment to work and be physically active.
He father had found him a job but it fell though. He was unwilling to do any brainstorming on what he might want to do. He finally owned up to wanting to have a job that would fall into his lap. He is very angry with his father that the "promised" job fell through (the company might be sold and the friend could not hire for the summer.)
So he spent the first part of the summer reverting to old habits: inactivity, playing video and computer games, reading, hiding in his room, and getting angry and depressed. He takes no ownership. He was lonely and friendless. He blames us- we did not teach how to make friends.
He woke me up one night and told me that he had been banging his head against a wall. Then after talking for a while, suggested I leave before he became suicidal.
Now he is visiting his brother out of town at graduate school. He went for a week and will be there for five, He has not told us when he is coming back but I suspect it will be the week before heading to college. He does not sound depressed now and his anger has subsided. He says he is looking forward to going to college, but resisted doing anything to prepare for it. He finally called his new roommate and bought the book he is supposed to read before arriving. It is much more peaceful when he is not home. I am still hopeful that the structure at college combined with the opporunity to be with folks his age will be positive.
I think my expectations were probably too high. I thought he would keep his commitments. His reversion brought back too many memories, for him as well as us.
20 September
We visited our son who started college on August 28th this Saturday. He was only willing to see us so that he could have access to getting supplies and games at various stores.
[What, no warm welcome?]
He seems in better physical shape (though still upset with his body). He gained twenty pounds during his inactive summer. He is enjoying meeting and being with other students. He does seem reasonably goal focussed. His classes seem to be going reasonably well - better in his strengths and B's and C's in his writing. He seems willing to work on his writing, but unwilling to get assistance. He wants to improve his grammar. He thinks that if he goes to the writing center they will just correct him but not help him to learn for himself.
[Golly Gee, why in the world might he think that? Asking for help may be difficult for him the rest of his life. Contrary to program rhetoric, they do not build trust. They destroy it.]
He said that he had been drinking the night before with other students and that his head hurt. Before he told me this, he asked me to buy him beer for his dorm room. He was not surprised or upset when I said, "No." He told me, not his father, that he was drinking because he was depressed.
[Common and typical complaint of ex program participants]
I suggested that he speak with a therapist. He abruptly said, "No." He was not a substance abuser before his RTC/TBS experience. He was definitely self medicating with video games before he went away two and a half years ago.
[The program didn't modify his 'addictive' behavior? Shocking.]
He is certainly still angry with us (loves us but can't stand to be with us- this fluctuates).
[So much for building closeness and restoring trust between parent and child! They weren't even successful in conditioning him to pretend. I'd demand a refund.]
He had a lot of agreements before he left the TBS.
[NO! "We" might imply that agreements were made. "He" was required to sign a document stating all the things the program and his parents wanted him to do. There is a fundamental difference! And as he has demonstrated, when the fear of consequences is removed, it's obvious that there never were any such 'agreements'. Did the program offer a guarentee?]
He was supposed to be active this summer and visit a therapist when he got to college. One did not happen and the other appears also not to be happening. If we express a suggestion or thought, it is taken as a command not to be followed.
[What, Hundreds of thousands of dollars, and still no happy, engaged, respectful little robot? What DID work? Other than keepng him off the streets, and out of your hair, for 2.5 years?]
I would appreciate any advice, comments and suggestions that you might have.
[Apologize. And mean it. Hope he forgives you. Prepare to spend thousands more undoing the harm they caused.]
[ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2004-09-25 19:15 ][ This Message was edited by: Deborah on 2004-09-25 21:28 ]