Author Topic: abuse testimony  (Read 2545 times)

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Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #15 on: October 16, 2004, 01:36:00 AM »
I lived for 6 months frozen  on day 0 on  " the seven consequences " still today when I eat at someones house I think " by the courtesy of my most humble host blah, blah."  I was slammed to the floor several times a week,  I didn't know many " rock songs " so I had to settle to yell out country songs... That was embarrassing enough...  I was tricked into straight as a " birthady " shopping trip and left there to rot by my loving parents. I was forced into making up a "drug list " I had smoked pot 3 times before Straight. Strip searched was traumatizing at 14. Being spit on constantly was so discusting. The lack of medical treatment left me unable to ever have any children. Being in Straight is a time in my life I will never recover from. I can definately say they Never " broke " my will. I never played their game, I knew it was wrong and diminishing to my soul. It most certianly has left me with PTSD for 18 years. [ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2004-10-16 08:36 ]
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Offline ehm

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« Reply #16 on: October 16, 2004, 11:27:00 AM »
Wow, thank you for that, Withdraw. I was broken, but never fully conformed to the group. I was constantly confronted for being "stuck up" or "separating myself" from the group. The truth is, I just thought it was bullshit from start to finish, and they knew it. Unfortunately my experience there really took it's toll on me in the years to follow, and I still do weird head games in which I suffer severe self deprecating thoughts, all based around shame and fear. I?ve had PTSD, and anxiety before the program and ever since too. I have anxiety attacks that send me to the emergency room thinking I'm having a heart attack. Luckily, I have a great shrink that gives me Valium whenever necessary.
 
I've never talked about my strip search before. I cried the whole time, utterly shocked that it was happening to me at all. I also had on several occasions spoken about being raped within 18 months of my intake into Straight. The first by a family member, and the second an abusive adult, both more than once, both very against the law. No one was ever held accountable, instead, I was the one punished for it. That was still, only the tip of the iceberg of abuse I had already endured. Still, never in my life have I witnessed the insanity and cruelty that I did in this program, only in my worst nightmares.
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Offline Dr. Miller Newton

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« Reply #17 on: October 16, 2004, 11:43:00 AM »
I am truly disgusted with these deranged druggie lies alleging abuse at Straight, Inc.   Straight was a wonderful place, full of love and caring, a place where druggies like you could get the Tough Love that they needed.  All of the "abuses" that you so mendaciously catalog are simply the products of your drug-fueled imaginations. You see, druggies, the difference between Straight and other programs that simply don't work is this--the therapeutic processes at Straight were a product of my Awareness, so therefore, by definition, they were not and could not have been abuses.  I ask you, which is worse, restraining a druggie child before they can harm themselves or others, or letting the druggie kid slide full-tilt into the nightmare of JAILS, INSTITUTIONS< and DEATH that await all who pursue chemically-enhanced states of mind.  If it weren't for my Awareness, which tells me that your complaints are all just fabrications of your twisted, druggie will, I would be feeling very hurt by the lack of appreciation that you seem to have for the love and compassion that I showed toward you undeserving druggie ingrates.  The deep and implicit trust that we once shared has been violated.  There is still some hope, though--- you can sign yourself in to the new, improved, all-ages Straight, Inc. v2.0!  Love ya!!
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Teenage Drug Use Is A Disease

Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #18 on: October 16, 2004, 08:04:00 PM »
It is so interesting the memories returning. On my intake  I didn't lie about anything, I just didn't see a reason to lie. So I told of being raped and worse. My parents were told it was a lie to manipulate them into beliveing I didn't have a drug problem. So nothing was ever done , except staff to stand me up in group and spit in my face about how I had lied about it.

I am so sure I passed their intake drug test as I had only smoked pot 3 times and had been several months since I had. I just wasn't interested in doing drugs. I didn't like it, so I didn't do it.

The abuse was to much for a 14 yr old to bare,   ( imagine being a girl in straight just reaching puberty )All the already stated general abuses of my freedom and privacy happened to me as well.
 
The food was abuse in itself,in Va. we often had maggots in the fruit and ashes ( ciggerettes I assume) in the food alot. I only remember getting 1 small cup of water and 1 at dinner a day. Yea, wow, I forgot how thirsty I was there. I dont eat meat, so my food was taken from me alot for not eating it all. I have no clue how I got "1st phase spread" as I didnt get much to actually eat.
 
I have a fear of berettes..and velcro closing shoes....Living 6 months on consequences was horrible. I got very little sleep until I was at a host home for awhile and the oldcomer tired of keeping me awake night after night.

I didn't want to infringe on anyone else inprisoned there so I turned to hurting myself. Somehow watching myself bleed made the inside pain seem less.

The sound of the breaking chairs is loud in my head still today. We had a guy who would regularly stand up at random times to only run head first into the cinder block wall. I can still see the spattering of blood. I learned to punch walls there , maybe I did that to see if it was all real.

There are some people listed as deceseased that have haunted me to this very day for their part in the abuse. I suppose that tells me how much they were hurting to have done those things to so many of us.

Thinking of my time in Straight just blows me away. I am convinced we are a "phenonameon" ( man I can't spell that ) It amazes me how so many of us were so damaged forever by that place. It amazes me more to see many actually survived to give testimony to it all.

It saddens me so many were lost due to the abuse they endured in Straight, but I understand , somedays I am so close myself. Although, Living well is the best revenge I can take.
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Offline Withdraw

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« Reply #19 on: October 16, 2004, 08:06:00 PM »
I would give anything to have my "records and intake sheets" I look back and , Wow , I just can't belive it happened.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #20 on: October 17, 2004, 05:38:00 PM »
I thought a jury of your peers found there was abuse.  Shouldn't you be working on your 6.5 million restitution for Lulu rather than trying to mess up more minds with your rediculous posts.  I am a sucess and have been since Straight.  I was one of your poster childs who have remained sober 17 years and am here to say to you directly, you are wacked and Straight was wacked.  Straight was NOT recovery, at all just a market for you to make millions on scared families.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #21 on: October 17, 2004, 08:14:00 PM »
Wes and Ray claim to have some of your documents, Withdraw.  But be careful - if you get too close to them they will change on you because they don't have shit. Ray claims to have closed a Straight with his own might, no proof to back it up, and that he broke into some wharehouse or something and took some docs or whatever.  Wes is a whacked as journalist who can't back up shit - by using words like 'could' or 'maybe' and 'allegedly' whenever referring to the abuses that happened at Straight.  What a joke.  Anyway, if you suck their dicks long enough and give them your money - they'll tell you whatever you want to hear.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #22 on: October 17, 2004, 09:30:00 PM »
And I want....

And I need...

And I know....

Animal.....
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #23 on: November 19, 2004, 03:23:00 PM »
Thank you for this thread, it proves to me I'm not crazy, just a victim.
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #24 on: November 19, 2004, 03:37:00 PM »
paranoia paranoia everybodys coming to get you
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Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #25 on: November 19, 2004, 03:39:00 PM »
i had visions, i was in them
i was looking into the mirror
to see a little bit clearer
rottenness and evil in me
fingertips have memories
mine can't forget the curves of your body
and when i feel a bit naughty
i run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(but no one ever does)
i'm not sick but i'm not well

and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
been around the world and found

that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding
and i don't even own a tv
put me in the hospital for nerves
and then they had to commit me
you told them all i was crazy
they cut off my legs now i'm an amputee, god damn you
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well
i wanna publish zines

and rage against machines
i wanna pierce my tongue
it doesn't hurt, it feels fine
the trivial's sublime
i'd like to turn off time
and kill my mind, you kill my mind
paranoia paranoia

everybody's coming to get me
just say you never met me
i'm going underground with the moles
hear the voices in my head
i swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
but if you're bored then you're boring
the agony and the irony, they're killing me
i'm not sick but i'm not well

and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well
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Offline Cleopatra2U

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« Reply #26 on: November 19, 2004, 11:49:00 PM »
Quote
If anyone out there was a "misbehavor" in this way and punched the people sitting next to you..could you please explain to me why you did that?  I think if I knew more about it I could erase some names from a list I keep in my head of people I would still like to harm.


Because sometimes you have taken... and taken... and taken... and you can't... take... any... more... and so... you... just...  SNAP!!!!

I only "went off" in group once and it was on this kooky girl MICHELLE who liked to keep me (and others) up all night "getting honest" or "looking deeper into ourselves" so that we got to spend all of the next day red- and puffy-eyed and exhausted beyond belief, struggling even more than usual to stay awake in group.  In a way I regret this incident; in another way I wish had landed the punch cleanly.  And I wish I had at least tried to knock the hell out of ALICIA and D'ANN instead of being so damned passive.  I don't mind being called out for things I have done, but I can't stand being accused of things I didn't do...  I have let go of a lot over the years, but I cannot let go of my anger towards these two for their false accusations that led to the subsequent humiliations of getting yelled at, spit on, and sang the "Tastycake" song.

I had enough of getting yelled at and spit on very early on because I tried to bolt from a car while waiting for the "Straight Bus" on like my 4th day in the program...  The host mom (who was grossly obese BTW) tore some muscles or ligaments or something while trying to restrain me...  I got "stood up" in "rip rap" and asked how I felt about causing the injury, and when I matter-of-factly stated that "I never asked her to restrain me," the profane degradations flew in a wash of spit.  If it hadn't been an incongruous blur of gaping maws, I'd probably have more than just two names on my List of People I'd Like to KTFO.  I feel bad for the host mom, but I fail to see where her getting hurt is my fault.  And maybe if that host mom spent as much time and energy on diet and exercise as she did on Straight, then she wouldn't have been so susceptible to injury.
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he trouble with trouble is it starts out as fun.

Offline Anonymous

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« Reply #27 on: November 20, 2004, 09:50:00 AM »
Wow, I cannot believe this person who claims tobe Newton would come here and call graduates of his program "druggies" and say that the stories of abuse were fictional.

I had been through two hospital drug treatment programs by the time I showed up at Straight-Orlando on February 10th, 1986.  I was what would be termed a stage-4 druggie, and was staring death in the eye.  So, I very quickly complied with the program because I wanted to live and be drug-free.  

I was fortunate to have a couple of very strong Christian people who were part-time counselors at my facility and they managed to help me get through.  I suffered from severe clinical depression, and the other staff would always say I must be being dishonest about something and that was guilt I felt.  The emotional distress was unreal for me when they said that, because I genuinely wanted to be "straight",so being accused of falsehoods was fuel to my depressive fire.  Terry was the name of the man who recognized my depression and who helped encourage me so I could get through my program.

I was there for 14 months, which is a mighty long time, especially considering I was an exemplary client who worked her ass off to do the program.  I have been clean and sober for 18 years, and I do attribute much of my success to the program, but moreso to God, the few good counselors I had there, and frankly - my internal drive to conquer addiction.

However, I witnessed this girl cut herself so badly every day for years - to the point where blood covered the floor where she sat in the back row.  She needed professional help, and didn't receive it.  I almost died of strep throat there, because no one would take me to the doctor, until my mother saw me on a Friday night meeting and took me home to Jacksonville and took me to the doctor and got me antibiotics, and kept me home for a couple of weeks.  My good friend Chris was repeatedly restrained and punched, and I think maybe driven a bit insane.  He eventually died later, after going back to a drug-centered lifestyle.

I am a Straight "success story", but 18 years later, I still occasionally have nightmares about the place.
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Offline Cleopatra2U

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« Reply #28 on: November 20, 2004, 01:50:00 PM »
Quote
On 2004-11-20 06:50:00, Anonymous wrote:


I suffered from severe clinical depression, and the other staff would always say I must be being dishonest about something and that was guilt I felt.  The emotional distress was unreal for me when they said that, because I genuinely wanted to be "straight",so being accused of falsehoods was fuel to my depressive fire.  Terry was the name of the man who recognized my depression and who helped encourage me so I could get through my program.


What's this, Anon?!  There was someone in Straight who actually recognized the cause of your problem (depression) and not just a symptom (using)?!  Amazing!!

I too had a real bad symptom (alcohol abuse) when I entered Straight at 16: I had wrecked a car, gotten arrested for B&E/DoP, ran away from home, and gotten physically sick many times, all directly related to alcohol abuse.  I did not realize how bad my symptom was until I copped out off of third phase "to prove I didn't have a problem" and wound up living on the streets of DC and Baltimore for several days: poor, cold, and miserable, and finding solace primarily in drink.  I returned (kicking and screaming) and worked my way all the way up to 4th phase, only to be falsely accused of even more b.s., which eventually led to me leaving Straight for good...  Thankfully I was never able to completely shake the feeling I'd had since before my day four cop-out attempt: that there was something very, very wrong about Straight.

What gets me even, and perhaps especially, to this day is that there were kids in there, kids even younger than my 16 years, who didn't have alcohol or drug problems whatsoever, who I know made up or at least embellished tales of their alcohol and drug use so that they could move up through the phases.  Some, I am sure, graduated despite (or perhaps rather due to) their fabrications.  Some even wound up believing that they were alcholics and addicts when they most certainly were not!  What kind of a place rewards people for lying and punishes others for being honest?  What kind of place makes people believe things that simply aren't true?  A sick one!!  I didn't realize how sick until, on one of my later cop-outs, I went to AA meetings for the first time ever and heard the phrase about sobriety being "dealing with life on life's terms".  At the time, wanting desperately to be sober, and just as desperately not to go back to Straight, I clung to those words.  Straight was about as far as you could get from "dealing with life on life's terms"!  While it indirectly helped me find AA, which I needed and wanted at the time (things have changed since then :wink:), it did much more harm to me than good.  The worst it did was prevent me from seeking treatment for my cause (severe depression) for many years.

Anon, thank you for your post.  It's nice to know that someone else understands the pain of being falsely accused.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
he trouble with trouble is it starts out as fun.