Seed memories

[Jimmy Cusick]

It was 30 years ago but I remember it like yesterday. I remember doing the "Hokey Pokie" in afternoon exercises outside. I remember eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and watered down cool-aid (1 cup). I rememeber Art Barker doing the soft shoe shuffle for us while smoking out of his cigarette holder, he told us that we would save the world,(I believed him). Art was our higher power, I was in awe in his presence, he was very charismatic and he made the staff look like they had orgasms when he was around them.  I was a 15 year old virgin but I had the incredible hots for some of the female staff( almost all of Art's staff choices were really good looking) I felt very guilty but was a red-blooded american male. I rememeber Suzy Conners telling me to stand up and the entire group ripped me a new ass for the whole afternoon and I had to start over in the front row. Someone had turned me in for being in a bad mood with my mother(lack of sleep caused it). My mom had come down from Cleveland and lived in A trailer park and we had a shit-load of seedlings staying with us until I started over. I felt like the biggest, most worthless piece of shit that ever lived throughout history. Eventually mom went back to Cleveland and I lived with over a dozen families in the 14 months that I was in Florida. I went to South Plantation High School and never talked to a single person. As a seedling I thought we were the choosen ones and I looked down upon everybody else. I rememeber all of us going to the Orange Bowl Stadium in Miami to sing "America" on the field. We were almost Booed to death but I still felt superior to everybody. We were wearing our seed T-shirts and blue jeans ( We were clones).

     I rememeber sitting on those hard chairs at the seed on Alligator Alley from 10:00 in the morning until 10:00 at night. I remember singing lots of songs (some of them were "I love Art" or "We love Art") How Cultlike. I rememeber smoking on the hour or when the rap leader smokes. I rememeber gaurding the doors after I got off the front row so nobody would escape. I remember Black Robert cutting my hair and driving Art's limo. I was afraid of John Underwood, he was scary looking. Libby was senior staff and looked really cold hearted, she would rip you apart if you were caught day dreaming. Rick Bertain was the head maintenance guy, I always liked him, he would periodically lead raps and I found him very interesting. Cliff always stood on the side and nashed his teeth, he was older than most but was always a nice guy. Anne was a tall, skinny blonde, she was kinda laxidasical but could turn into a bitch when she led raps. Billy was a midget and he always made jokes, I think he had been a jockey that rode horses. Scott B. was a funny guy but he could also become deadly serious. Darlene was Art's red-headed play toy. Shelley(Art's wife) was kind of aloof, she would only talk to us when Art insisted. Suzy Barker was Art's niece, she worked in the office and never lead groups. Just before the Seed moved to Cleveland she came and talked to me about meeting a priest from the Cleveland political arena in the upstairs office. She told me to smile and tell the priest that I was happy and glad to be off drugs and that the seed was a wonderful place and should open in Cleveland to help kids. Suzy Barker was very pretty and amorous and I used to fantasize about making love to her.

     My memories are both good and bad, in essance the seed helped me because I was emotionally troubled and was getting D's and F's in school before the seed and I got A's and B's after I cleaned up my  act. I was never a drug addict, actually I just experimented with pot and L.S.D. and I stayed clean and sober for 5 years afterwards. I was hanging around a group of other graduates but they shunned me when I started drinking. I was never accepted for who I was, I had to be a phony and pretend to be all "bubbly" about the seed. We had to say all the "right stuff" in rap groups and around other seedlings but we couldnt be ourselves or ask any questions. I was never a popular person and always felt like an outsider who wasnt accepted into one of the "inner circles". I was successfully brainwashed for a few years and it took me a while to realize it was all about Art Barker becoming a wealthy Guru. I also remember " we sing jingle bells cause everyday were straight , it's like christmas. What a mind-bending experience we all had.

               More later, Jimmy :grin:  :grin:  :grin:

[cleveland]

Wow, no kidding, that was the experience. You triggered a lot of Forida memories.

I was there in 1978 after the Cleveland Seed folded, so I wonder if we ever crossed paths. I had different staff but some were the same - Cliff, Libby, Robert visited from time to time.

I guess when I joined the Florida Seed is when I really got to know Art, although he always will remain a mystery to me. Was he sincere? i thinkg so. Was he also a power-hungry charletan? I think that is also true. Here's what I think I know about him:

Born about 1925, to a single poor mom in Brooklyn, NY (something like that)
Tough street kid, wanted to be an actor or vaudville-type performer. Learned to do the soft shoe, play the ukelele.
Joined the Army Air Corps in WWII and was a navigator on a bomber - won the Purple Heart.
After the war, came home in his uniform, and started drinking. Said that at his lowest point he was living in his car. At some point, joined AA, stopped drinking ("but I was a dry drunk") and became a Playboy Club comedian. Claimed to have worked at Bellview in NYC. Friends with Art Carney, Don Rickles, Jackie Gleason. Living on a 1920s yacht somewhere up north on the coast - New York? New Jersey? Claimed to be successful, but not happy, because he "needed to help more people."

Shelly Barker, 20 years his junior, joined him on the boat and he helped her to get straight - the First Seedling, he called her. Eventually broke with AA and sailed down coast, founding the Seed somewhere in Florida (St. Pete? The Blimp Hangar?)

Art claimed that he had "the gift of instant knowing." That he could see through people and know what they were thinking. Seedlings were going to change the world and Art was the source of the Seed. For many the Seed, or "the group," was their Higher Power.

I am guessing that Art was raised Catholic, because although he rejected religion he used a lot of its symbols, and he seemed to have a fear of the human body, denial of human needs, and that seems consistant to me. But that could be my own prejudice. If you were straight, you weren't supposed to think about sex.

I think Art was narcisistic and needed to be the Daddy. Remember playing football or baseball with Art, and he always had to win? First of all, his team always had all the senior staff and best athletes. Once in a while a newcomer would inadvertantly block a pass to Art and then there'd be a rap about it.

Art was charming. He was funny in an old-school way. Because I was estranged from my own father, I really craved his attention (but didn't get it!) Probably most of the staff had father issues too.

To me it's really kind of sad that the potential of all of these kids, their idealism and drive was really just drained into supporting Art and senior staff egos. I got a lot out of the program too, as you did, but I got a lot out of my divorce too! We learn from our mistakes.

Wally Gator

[pigeon]

You know what I liked about Art?  When he came up to Cleveland to visit-- raps suspended! It was the Art show for as many hours as he wanted to stand in front of us.  Also no one ever graduated when he wasn't at the open meeting so once I was on my three nights every visit was another chance for a get out of jail free card.
amy(pigeon)

[Filobeddoe]

GREAT POST Jimmy!

I was brought to the Ft Lauderdale Seed in Oct 75 (after the St Pete Seed closed)... a couple months after you graduated. Your story brings back alot of memories about that time. I forgot all about "do the hokey pokey" & Art's cigarette holder...

I too have good & bad feelings about my time there. I am becoming more convinced that it really was a cult that I was part of... BUT like you, it did straighten me out (I also went from D's + F's to A's + B's in school) so that part was positive. I also liked being straight (stayed straight for 10 yrs) & found some good friends in some of the graduates.

But like you & others have said... you couldn't totally be yourself... there was always the realization you had to conform with the program, say the right things & be phony to some extent.

When I finally got to go home (oldcomer) for work & to finish high school (dropped out in 11th grade) I had to drive about 4 hrs to get to the Seed for weekends. I really dreaded it... I liked my new friends & liked being straight but being in the group always made me feel anxious. Really didn't want to get stood up or started over. Like Pigeon said... I was waiting & hoping for my "Get Out Of Jail/Seed Card". What a relief when that finally happened after 12 long months!
Still hung out with my "seedling" friends but never went back to that place.

[ This Message was edited by: Filobeddoe on 2004-09-02 16:25 ]

[Somejoker]

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!


not really, I am just relapsing into cultic mind control.    :grin:  :grin:


In all seriousness, you three guys in this thread are contributing much to this website. Thanks for coming here.

Cleveland, The seed started in Miami. Art´s boat was parked right near the Playboy Mansion and he was a fill in comedy act there...not a scheduled performer like he led us to believe. At least that is what the St pete times reported based on an interview with the playboy club. the first seed location was in a house in Ft lauderdale then into the compound that was sr 84. It has long been bulldozed for the highway expansion projects.

[Somejoker]

I got a lot out of my divorce as well...mostly knowledge not to repeat my mistakes of the past. I also talk to friends going thru similar hard times and try to help them not make those same mistakes.


For you new guys, somejoker is my administrator handle here. You know me better by GregFL.

That is the reason I started the Seed discussion forum, To get this discussion out into the public arena. For so long, no one would listen, I wouldn´t talk about it, and when I did, no one understood or perhaps even believed me. My story was cloaked in drug use, and you see, to the general public whenever you say treatment they think you are an addict and you needed it. Most of us were not and did not.

what we went thru, how we were forced into a cult (or into "treatment" for those that deny the existence of this elephant in the room), forced to worship a human savior, forced to surrender our identity, kept in isolation and our physical functions monitored with food and sleep severly limited, forced into public confessionals and were told our very minds could be read and used against us, and then the broader story on how this cult influenced current treatment modalities and the drug war in general.

It is an amazing story that has not been told. It has been America´s dirty little secret.

We are telling it now.

[rjfro22]

Jimmy,
            Thanks for your excellent memory, it almost feels like yesterday, I went through the program march of 1973 on SR84  but I have been aroubd the seed since 71?   I remember going house to house with various new comers and never having any privacy . I remember having sexual hallucinations in the group meetings , because it has impossible to get any release.
I even began to get a fat from those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I  now  remember the Art Barker song thanks to you,
and the hokey pokey., I also found Suzie Barker very appealling, she was a really nice gal as well.  I also remember Darlene the red head.   All those years ago, The Seed had it's impact with the good and bad. We're still talking about it today.  Some of the staff memebers had Rock star statis at the seed.  Some of them were quite charismatic,  I actually was asked to stay on as staff,  and I turned it down, I needed  to get out in the real world and find myself..

Best Regards