john avala (indubbaly)

[Anonymous]

what no mention of what happened on the eve of one postponed IWTL

[mudbone357]

I was there... Were you? :question:

[blownawaytheidahoway]

stop pussyfootin' and tell the rest of us what we wanna know.

[mudbone357]

What?  That John killed himself in his bunk?  He hung himself with his belt, and I had another friend who teased him unmercifully, and still feels responsible for his death to this day.  Was that what you were looking for?  Maybe you meant something else.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

a friend whom you "teased unmercifully"?
a friend? wow. that's revealing, no wonder you feel bad.
"the harder the truth to tell..."
-blownaway

[mudbone357]

"and I had another friend who teased him unmercifully, and still feels responsible for his death to this day"

I didn't tease John.  Don't you know how to read?

[blownawaytheidahoway]

fuck you asshole. It was a mistake. I'd say sorry, but I know Why you are being such a bitch, so I won't.
but at least I can admit I made a mistake.
too bad you already had to sabotage what could have been helpful to both of us.

[mudbone357]

Hey, I must be really confused about what's going on here.  I'm not trying to be a bitch and I'm really bummed out that this has made the thread so unsafe.  I was only responding to what I thought was an attack on me for taunting John, who was a friend of mine and is dead, so it's kind of a sore subject for me.  If your intention was to really talk openly about John's death or anything else besides that, I apologize for getting ahead of myself and insulting you.  If not, well, that's too bad for everyone, and i'm sorry for my part.
Take care.

[Anonymous]

whoa whoa whoa blown, hang onto your hat. your overreacting a bit to MB. We've all been through the BS of about blowing minutiae into mountains at CEDU--let's not do it here, too.  No siree Bob. Us former students need to help eachother out.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

True
It's all cool. Just too much too fast for me. I haven't thought ACTIVELY about all this stuff for a long time and for two months I've been thrusting myself into writing and thinking so much on this subject. I'm snapping, straight up. Enough for the night. I corresponded with my senior counselor from ages ago, my parents, some of you, and former girlfriends today and I'll be calling Wyatt in the morning, and any suggestions welcome. Just time to smoke, screw and sleep.
357. good to see ya here, let's try again?
-peace and good night all.

[mudbone357]

Yeah, that sounds about right for me too.  It's fucked up how quick this stuff gets itself inside your grill and winds you up.  I know it has for me.  No harm no foul, and hopefully we can try again later.  Take care.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

Thank You.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

There were suicides when I was there. There were "sex contracts" that I am sure amounted to rape. There were witchhunts looking for non-believers and dirt. I was the object of one...it is the most difficult thing I'll ever bring up on this site because I have such strong feelings about being wronged.
I can get into this later, but not yet becuase anyone who reads it who was "there" will know immediately who I am. I refused to admit to something that I was falsly accused of. It went on for weeks. EVERYONE was sure I had done it, and it never occured to anyone that I could be telling the truth. It was a lynching and Dildo "the bruce" Wilson was holding the rope around my neck. When it all fizzled out did I receive any apologies? I was supposed to be happy I wasn't punished further. AWW fuck it.
HISS hISS enough...away, away.

[shanlea]

Sex contracts at a CEDU school?!!  I don't remember any of those!  We weren't allowed to even show the slightest interest in a member of the opp sex for fear they'd lobotomize your privates.  Oh wait you eman sex contract like split contracts...something you weren't supposed to do.... Even though seemed to never happen at RS unless I am truly naive.  I was just scared straight. One rap lambasting me for simply laughing next to some guy was enough to make me feel like the whore of Babylon. Watching other chicks get worked over viciously and repeatedly for being flirtatious or simply just beautiful was enough to saltpeter my libido. Didn't need an emotional rape in a group just to crack a smile at someone.  For God's sake--that's what you do at 16--smile, laugh, flirt.

Anyway, Idaho, I understand the anger of being falsely accused.  Unfortunately, that whole atmosphere encouraged that to the extreme and was one of the reasons I could never get jiggy with it.  I remember one person who told the truth about something about a Source student who was about to graduate and the staff turned on her hard to try to force her to repudiate the truth since it didn't fit their script for the older student. So, truth, lies, whatever man, they were used against you for their benefit. And that is why I hate the place.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

There were kids who engaged in behavior and disappeared afterwards, there were full times throughout (but not all the time) of sex-contracts that could have been as simple as you described (I was on Bans from girls for almost an entire year, All girls)to frottage, and humpin'in the woods. But while I was there, nothing stayed in the dark very long, everyone copped out and ratted out everything. Even things that didn't happen.

But I think the thread that this originated with is about the most important thing going right now and out of respect for those who knew John Avala I think talking about one of the taboos of the "youth industry", would be pain/helpful  - and that's suicide.
And it's worse, because we are not always talking about seriously depressed individuals who would have done this regardless of circumstance, we are talking about life in extremity.