Day 11 - Moral Inventory - 8/08/75 (Open Meeting)

[Filobeddoe]

Day 11 - Moral Inventory - 8/08/75 (Open Meeting)

I got up this morning at 5:45 and left by about 6:00. Phil took me over to John's house & I slept for about an hour while John & Bob played Scrabble. Then John's mom fixed us some breakfast.

The Morning Rap was on the 7 Steps. I really wasn't awake yet. Robin was leading the rap. She noticed that I didn't raise my hand so she called on me. So I got up & said what I felt. And this happened 5 times. And everybody said that they loved me & a couple people said that they really got something out of what I said & that made me feel good.

We had a Homes Rap today but nobody could go home. I felt like an asshole because I told the group that I thought Terry had changed but nobody else thought so.

I was a little depressed because staff wouldn't let me talk to my parents tonight during the open meeting. But it was GREAT anyway. At the beginning of the meeting I started getting so emotional that I couldn't even sing. I was going to pieces but I felt really happy & I could feel that my parents were proud of me.

When I got up to introduce myself, I forgot to say how long that I did drugs & who brought me to the Seed. I said that before I came to the Seed I was a pretty sorry example of a son & that I was miserable & said that since being in the Seed I learned to be honest & to be myself & said that I couldn't wait until I was ready to make amends to my family & people who I have hurt.

Then when my parents stood up, my Mom said that I looked really good & that everybody loves me & Dad said about the same thing. I really got emotional & I felt great. I felt like I have accomplished alot today.

I LOVE YOU

Goals: Continue to be honest & be myself.

[Somejoker]

FUCK! I had totally forgotten about "home" rap, that insidious torture used to make you feel small and emotional because you had not complied with the cult, to once again use your family as a weapon to beat you with, to break your spirit using the people that you loved, to make you feel isolated and alone, and then to show you a path out of your quandry by just complying and turning over your personality to the group.

Next up...the "oh how I missed my mom's cooking while I was a newcomer" rap, complete with descriptions of the wonderfull meals mom cooked the night the compliant ones got to go home, along with the wonderfull hugs and "I love yous" they got to express to their siblings that had been witheld from them during conditioning.


Fucking facist assholes.


[ This Message was edited by: Somejoker on 2004-08-29 14:01 ]

[NOT12NOW]

I don't think we had home raps in cleveland or if we did I don't remember.  Can someone explain them to me?

[GregFL]

Home rap was really a torture of newcomers in order to bring them into compliance.  The rap would start something like "who remembers the day you went home" and kids would stand up and "relate" how wonderfull it was when they yelled "im coming home", how their mother cried, how delicious her cooking was, how great it was to hug the dog and see their little brother, etc, how foolish they were to fight the seed, how they would have been able to go home much sooner if they would have just worked the program.

The newcomers had to sit and listen to this bullshit and choke back the tears or fight the compulsion to run for the door, because we all know what would happen if you did that.

[Stripe]

All I remember about going home was that I was alone.  I was tired and I was hungry - really hungry.  And I got to take a shower and bath that night, too. I don't recall any great rejoicing, my folks were concerned about my brother who was still a newcomer and I felt guilty about going home when he had to stay on.  

But my mom and dad did paint my bedroom and hang new curtains while I was gone so while it was home, it was new.  All my "druggie" stuff and clothing had been thrown away - even the Boston Baked Bean jar where I was keeping dired rose petals to make a potpourri.  But for some reason, I seem to recall that no one found the waterpipe that I kept hidden in the doll box on my closet shelf.  Too bad there was no pot to smoke.  I think I threw the pipe away because I was afraid that somehow the staff members would find out, but I had to do that on the sly ... I'll have to give myself credit for not turning myself in for that one.  I felt bad about throwing that out because  geeze, it was a gift for my 15th birthday from my best friend - who was ALSO SLAPPED IN THE SEED WITH ME AND MY BROTHER in the sring of 1973.