Hi.
I wrote the coping mechanisms post.
I am a survivor and my boyfriend is struggling to understand. I don't consider it to be psychobabble.
For so long the trauma was reacting instead of me. I am attempting to understand PTSD and all of its specific ramifications. With each person, I'm sure the pain is expressed differently.
My boyfriend gets scared of my anger too and he, at times, has left with no explanation. Leaving, with no exchange of safe affection, COMPLETELY triggers the feeling of abandonment I felt when my parents dropped me off in that abusive hellhole.
Saying, "I love you I will be back in an hour or I will call you tomorrow at 10am I want to talk to you when we are both calm enough to not be abusive, usually works".
If you can hug her when she's freaking out that is like heaven for me. In Straight, we were unable to express anger or fear. Usually only shame, regret and remorse for the wrongs we did in the past. Raps were focused on the past and hopes of the future.
I KNOW, this requires a hell of a lot of strength when the other person is having an irrational and INTENSE reaction that goes way beyond the present and initial trigger. It is important to remember it is not about you. My boyfriend has a tendency to take it personally. It triggers his feelings of inadequacy and then we get trapped in a vicious circle.
In my experience, identifying the issues is helping! Differentiating the past from the present is key to my personal recovery as well as the potential success of my relationship.
I support you for working so hard to know the woman you love. That is admirable. Please continue posting. It helps me to hear the other side.
All the best,
Elizabeth