On the other hand, my stepson was placed in a rehab (the ARC of Bradenton) when he was 17 (now 22) by the courts because of his troubles with the law [he stupidly did a B&E on a dealers house, as it was being watched by cops], his truancy, and his admitted drug and alcohol use. It was a very stressful time for all of us. Still is at times.
1 1/2 years ago had to pay a dealer almost $8,000 to get him out of trouble.
I have never lived with this child, although I have dated his father (for 7 years, now married almost 5) from the time he was turning 11.
I can say that I think I know what happened to him. He was always in the way w/mom & men,she's been married three times to violently abusive men since my husband.
I remember how she would go in her room and lock the door when the son was 14-15 and acting out, hitting the walls, throwing things....did not contact his father until this behavior had been occuring regularily for quite some time. She has always put down his father (he is a recovering addict/alcoholic) telling her son "he was just like him". She let him stay home so much from school in the 8th & 9th grade, because he had a headache,renting him videos and stuff to do while she was at work and him home "sick".
By the time he was in the rehab he had only enough credits to be considered barely a Sophmore and he was turning 18! Yet she demanded he return to school instead of getting GED and going on to some VoTech class.
She would call me and tell me her troubles and ask what I would do. Yet she never did anything I suggested. Even when he cursed her and said "My life sucks", the phone, the TV, the stereo, the car all stayed in his possesion. I would have made his life suck so he would have known the difference!!LOL.
He used to tell me, when he was 12-13, how his mom said that "smoking pot makes your brain bleed" and other nonsense stuff. So of course, when he did smoke it, and nothing happened, he believed the rest of her warnings were bullshit too.
I went to him and tried to warn him, tried to get him to "play the game" (ie "wait until you are in the car w/buddies before saying what a bitch your Mom is." you know the basic courtesy and respect game goes along way I think)
I thnk it important to treat kids with courtesy and respect and trust. Praising them for their right choices and discussing the rest of it when they are young, so that they have a strong sense of self when they are older.
I consciously parented my own son with the intent of doing things very differently than my parents did. I was never good enough, a B on a report card was cause for grounding etc.
Unforunately,She and I parented very differently and we have very different children at the end of it all.
Of course now he wants to come live here with his father and I....he's 22, no HS diploma/GED..no focus..and lots of anger.UGH!
Oh well. I am sure we can figure out how to manage that transistion too.
