Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones

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ottawa5:
Tiffany--If you think that I would belittle your feelings when you describe your situation in such an open, heart-felt way, then you have been listening to people who can't or won't understand my purpose.

More and more, as I hear accounts like yours, I am convinced that the difference between programs is in the quality of the staff--there are of course other differences but I think that this is pivotal.

I don't even know if you have to have trained psychologists (believe me, I do not deify my profession) in every single position, but you've got to have people who are firm but also kind and who want to understand.

Our experience was so different than what you went through. When my son was first there, for months he didn't even participate in raps, refused to talk, and although some older kids would confront him on what he had to give to the group, he would just snarl back that he wasn't going to give anything to them, they didn't mean anything to him. The group leaders let the process work, let other people show their disappointment in him, by their comments, but with some control.  When one really upset kid started screaming at him for not participating, the group leader stopped the kid from continuing to verbally attack him, but pointedly told him he was letting down the group, I remember him telling me about it.  

On the other hand, the staff could be pretty tough with their expectations. When he had been there for over a year, some new kid who was in the position he had once been in, and acting like just as much of a jerk, said something to my son about fighting him when they got out.  My son, who like me, has a short fuse, snapped back and said he'd find him first.  

The group leader took my son out of group for a conference.  He told him that it was a pretty serious thing for someone so far along in the program to be lured into a confrontation with a new kid like that.  For that mistake, he had to spend days building a landscape wall.  Ane do you know what, his attitude was "Yeah, I should have controlled my self, but anyway I bet I can get a good summer job with a landscape company after this".  And he took it upon himself to make up with the kid on his own, not as part of a punishment.  I hope he won't mind me telling about some of his experiences, but I've tried to keep it pretty general and had better not say much more without his permission.  

People are human, Tiffany, if you want people to be perfect, you might as well give up on human relationships, I believe that. So I'm sure that the staff at his school lost their tempers and swore sometimes, made bad calls on punishments, let things go when they shouldn't on occasion, but I never heard of a lot of the mean, pointless, emotionally bankrupt stuff you describe.  I sure wouldn't let it happen in any school that I was involved with.  

So keep in touch and good luck, you're a sensitive person, but you're not emotionally shut down, you'll do OK, it takes emotional strength to feel as strongly as you feel even in your sadness.  

Your story will help other people, I believe that, because I promise you, whether I work at one of these schools or start one, or just talk to people from one, I will tell stories like yours, and where this kind of thing is happening, change will occur because you spoke as you have about it.

Anonymous:
The problem is that tiffany's experience was not isolated. When I went to CEDU, her experience (name calling etc.) was the norm.  Being called a slut repeatedly by staff was not uncommon whether you screwed whether you had sex or not. The guys did not have to contend with this... They were however humiliated in other ways about sex. To compound the problem, this occurred in front of everyone. Would you like it if you went to work and your boss called you a slut in front of your colleagues daily?  In public school, this would be bullying. Could you imagine a teacher in a public school getting away with this?  

Would you really send your kid to a place where the staff model "fuck off" as behavior modification?

Again, this is NOT isolated--it IS the culture of the school, perpetuated by the high level staff.

Tiffany, I'm sorry you went through this.  I'm not the most sanitary speaker, but to this day, whenever I hear someone called a slut or a whore I will not stand for it, even if I dislike the person.  

--Shanlea

Deborah:
"I am aware, that many object to the severity of my language; but is there not cause for severity? I will be as harsh as truth, and as uncompromising as justice. On this subject, I do not wish to think, or speak, or write, with moderation." -William Lloyd Garrison, from the The Liberator, Vol. 1 No. 1, January 1, 1831

Anonymous:
Deborah: I'm confused what this quote is in response to. There is nothing wrong with being direct and truthful.  There is something wrong with confusing verbal assault with being direct. CEDU's big problem.

Hey, I would have been thrilled if CEDU advocated direct and truthful dialogue.  That would have gotten across just fine.  Often the direct truth is difficult, but it is not abusive.  In the great preponderance of cases, CEDU chose to bully assault and verbally/emotionally abuse its students.  

Another thing, Ottawa, to "slip" and call someone a slut is a little different from letting the f word fly when you stub your toe. Grown "counselors" shold not be telling kids to fuck off.

Had the staff been direct or simply truthful, real gains could have been made.  For Ottawa to say that Tiffany's experience was isolated is laughably dead wrong.  None of us are here because the staff slipped a couple times and hurt our poor little feelings.  

Shanlea

Deborah:
It was in support of suvivors speaking their truth on their own terms and in their own words without moderation.
I appreciate you, and others, for doing that.

And, I believe that it is difficult, if not impossible, to speak calmly and rationally about traumas that one has experienced, unless s/he is in a mild state of shock or denial.
Seems that first the confusion, anger and hurt must be expressed. And anyone that vaguely resembles the perpetrator is subject to get the brunt of it. When that's done, then perhaps one can tell their story calmly and feel less defensive. I think it is disrespectful to minimize someone's experience based on the way they choose to express that hurt or the words they choose to use, when that is such a vital part of the healing process for many.

Hope that explains.

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