I left RMA in 1987. Richard was still there. I really liked Mare. She was one heck of a caring woman. I do not remember her being harsh. I remember her being more on the mark, and self-aware. I donot remember her being much of a screamer either.
I remember a rap right before Christmas. I could have gone home visit that Christmas, but I had no where to go. Everyone in my peer group had been home already at least twice and many had been home three times, but not me. The truth was that I did not have a 'home' to go to. Mare was running that rap. Mare let me sit in her lap while I cried about being alone. For what ever reason, that cry while being held made the holiday season moderately bearable.
Caroline and Randy, however, where another story. They seemed crazy to me. They were weird, and at first I was really hurt by the things that'd scream at me in raps. Then I got to a point, where I knew that they are/were losers. And, I could sit in raps calmly while they yelled at me for what ever made them happy. In my Summit, I rember Caroline screaming at me saying that no one loved me, that I'd never have a home, and more items along those lines. I also remember her exasperation at the fact that I never took the bait. I did not yell back at her. I simply sat there and let her yell, while thinking that in a matter of weeks I would never have to see her again. If I remember correctly she started yelling at me and calling me very mean spirited names for not taking her bait. The more worked up she became, the more I enjoyed her performance. I knew her game from before I came to RMA. She was not the first person I came across that was sadistic enough to enjoy hurting people. And the best way to get back at a sadist, when you are a powerless child, is to simply shut them out.
The only thing, I remember about raps with Steve Rookie was him working through his own feelings. I remember thinking, that maybe things in my life by comparision really were not that bad.
