« Reply #7 on: June 01, 2001, 10:08:59 PM »
SO far off topic it cant be explained
After what I have read today, I gladly accept responsibility for my actions.
I have to, if I am to ever move on from the guilt and self hatred I have for doing them.
Your ramblings sound like the gospel to me.
I am most disturbed to find that it may still be happening, that there are still kids in plastic chairs, getting motivated. Getting motivated made me a cripple.
Getting motivated left me with spinal problems that will eventually lead to surgery, most likely not until I turn 45, so I get to live in pain for at least ten more years thanks to gettting motivated.
I am glad to have found this place, I had really never thought that I would find any way to gain this release, and validate my own experiences. Somehow they were like a dream until I started reading today. Then stuff started flying back at me, I was trembling often and I still am. Earlier when I thought about Dunking Ben A. 's head in the toilet, adn the whole bathroom scene I felt that same old feeling in the pit of my stomach that straight tought me to feel, overpowering anxiety, with a double guilt chaser on a set of paranoid rocks.
They didnt get me off drugs, they just tought me how to abuse endorphines and to enjoy masochisim.
James Albert Lloyd
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