My story.

[CEDU IS A CULT]

[ This Message was edited by: Bryan Felsher on 2004-06-16 08:16 ]

[CEDU IS A CULT]

On 2004-06-10 08:27:00, Bryan Felsher wrote:

[ This Message was edited by: Bryan Felsher on 2004-06-16 08:17 ]

[Hell on Wheels]

I guess I am a little different. I want to see their children suffer in front of them. Ask any parent... that's pain. Let the sons and daughters pay for the sins of the parents. Course if they have no children, the by all means get to work on them. Field telephone to their genitals :evil:  :evil:  :evil:  :evil:

[Anonymous]

Yikes! AS a "dissatisfied customer" of CEDU (former student), to put it mildy, your comments are terrifying, Hell.  Tell me you are just venting.  The point is to END Cedu abuse not inflict it on more children.  Here, maybe you need to rant and rave, but it veers on the sadistic.  CEDU would read this stuff and just discredit you on this basis. I know we all need a place to vent, but you have so much raw energy do you know how powerful it could be if directed constructively? Man, you could get shit done!

And, Bryan: Is there anyway you could report the attempted molestation? That's serious shit and they should have to deal with that.  I wonder if any of the other kids had the same problem with that guy?

Have either of you confronted these staff members as adults now that they can't dick you around.  I've thought about it.  I think it would bring some closure.

By the way, why didn't more people split?

[mikehunt]

i agree with this last comment...
you guys get a bit carried away with what you post on here... you want to see them and their children suffer?  come on now... this really does discredit your point because it sounds so irrationally angry.
 i just want to see the skool system suffer and collapse so that it cannot damage anymore defenseless children.
i thought about splitting many times, but i didn't because a) i was far from home, where my friends who i could trust to help me were and b) i was scared of what i'd have to do to survive in california or what i'd have to go through to make it home (if i'd even make it there.)  i figured i'd just survive through their torture and constantly keep in mind how much brighter my life would be when i left safely.  my defiance kept me sane; while trying to resist conforming to their standards that they pushed in such a forceful way, i acquired a great amount of strength that i never knew that i had.

[mikehunt]

by the way, were you talking about martin weins and guy bonano?
::puke::

[Hell on Wheels]

Want to know the difference......... We were children who didn't know better. They were adults who did know better. It is the only thing that will wake them up. They will not respect the loss of money or jobs. Denial is very powerful, the true CEDU folk will never admit that they were wrong, nor will they read our words..... it scares them, the truth scares them.
I am way too aggressive maybe. I may have lost touch with my human side. The only thing I know is hate and fear and sadness. I know how to give pain and take pain. I think sometimes I have lost my ability to love, or be loved. My point is not about moving on, it is about making them feel as I have felt. To make them feel powerless and weak. To make them scared to speak out. These are people that belong in places like Birkenau, Bergen Belsen, Treblinka, Dachau,  Hanoi Hilton, Bataan.......... not the innocent.

[Hell on Wheels]

Here's a little something I wrote about that.

Strength      

They say that strength comes from the inside.
That we all have the power to decide.
What if that is not so true.
That some of us do not have the strength to overcome.
Only the strength to survive.
With each passing day that wears down
 The strength slowly ebbs.
Until one day it is gone.
And upon that day we lay our burdens down on the earth
And slowly slip beneath it.
We lay our cross down for the next lost soul to claim it.
And it will be theirs to keep
Until the day they can no longer bear the weight of it.
And if we could pass our weights back
Upon the ones who gave them to us,
Would we do it or not.
When you know you are strong,  
You will not ask for help,
Because those who do not carry
Do not know one fucking bit about strength.
They are beneath those who do carry the weight,
Regardless of stature.

[Hell on Wheels]

I hate you and I hope you die an excrutiatingly painful, miserable, long, lonely death surrounded by the blank faces of hollow men for whom the only desire is to increase your suffering. I hope you die as an invalid- deaf, blind, dumb, and paralized trap



Wow, now that is some great writing. It almost makes me cry. I hear it, I feel it, it's good.

[Hell on Wheels]

On 2004-06-11 22:02:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Yikes! AS a "dissatisfied customer" of CEDU (former student), to put it mildy, your comments are terrifying, Hell.  Tell me you are just venting.  The point is to END Cedu abuse not inflict it on more children.  Here, maybe you need to rant and rave, but it veers on the sadistic.  CEDU would read this stuff and just discredit you on this basis. I know we all need a place to vent, but you have so much raw energy do you know how powerful it could be if directed constructively? Man, you could get shit done!



And, Bryan: Is there anyway you could report the attempted molestation? That's serious shit and they should have to deal with that.  I wonder if any of the other kids had the same problem with that guy?



Have either of you confronted these staff members as adults now that they can't dick you around.  I've thought about it.  I think it would bring some closure.



By the way, why didn't more people split?



"

Well here's a few answers......Bonners Ferry is located in bumfuck egypt, so not really anywhere to go. Spokane is not really that great of a city to be homeless in. There wasn't much green laying around, so that also made it tough. I made it to Spokane......I got pulled off the train by the Spokane SWAT team... We were "armed and dangerous" CEDU bullshit. Ain't it great.

As far as confronting staff now?? Well I think about that almost every day, and have come to one conclusion...... I already did a couple years at CEDU, I'm not in the mood to do life in the Big House. I'm not scared of it, I just don't like the idea very much. I just know that I wouldn't be able to stop myself, and would go over the proverbial edge. I have to rant and rave, and spill it out here, because I just can't do what I want to do. Now do you all see where I am coming from. I have the ability and the tools, and the money and the time to take care of the problem. Take out the heads of Medusa, so to speak. I just can't. I cannot go that far. I will become the thing I hate. Their money means shit to me. Technically they have not done anythig to get themselves locked up. But they went to No. 1 on a few people's lists. And I do not think you can discredit hate. Hatred and love are two of the most powerful motivating factors in the world. Sure my rantings are a little rough. Definitely got your attention didn't it?? :grin:  Nah, I have a great sense of humor and try to always use it, but like I've said before, CEDU brings out the monster in me. (thanks L7) I do okay for a long time, but from Feb 3 to end of summer, every year is terrible melancholy and anger. I guess I should start smoking the good shit to help me forget, but I will not.

[mikehunt]

i heard that your idaho neighbors were allowed to shoot you if you stepped on their property...
maybe that was just a rumor that had originated to scare you guys into staying... maybe it was just our ignorant cali rumor.

anyway, dude, you need to find the positives in your life.  there's no need to dwell on old misery.  let it go... find the beauty in your life and embrace it.  if you still want to fuck the system, then do it in a productive manner... ranting about how you want these people to die grusome deaths on here isn't doing anything for you.  i'm only interviewing you if you stay calm and rational; anything else will make us look bad and discredit all the important things we have to say.

_________________
laura solomon
cedu vet. 1996-1999
RIP[ This Message was edited by: mikehunt on 2004-06-12 18:24 ]

[Hell on Wheels]

nah, that used to be the case. But now it as the same for all western states but Cali, they have to be in your house to be able to lower the boom. Or presenting a threat. Things in Idaho are different, but one thing is for sure, it is a helluva lot safer to hitch hike in Idaho. Unless of course you are a city-boy, gay, or not white. On the bright side, the Aryan Nations headquarters has moved from Idaho to Pennsylvania. We are no longer the Mississippi of the West. I grew up in Idaho, lived 3 hours in a car from BCA, I knew all the roads to get home. I just split for something to do. It was a lot of fun. Although try sleeping beside the tracks when an Amtrack blows by at 70. That scared the living shit out of me.

[mikehunt]

that's wild... i totally would've split if i'd been that close to home.

[Anonymous]

On 2004-06-12 19:08:00, Hell on Wheels wrote:

 That scared the living shit out of me. "

   And by the sounds of it, you have a LOT of shit living IN you (as do many others)

[Hell on Wheels]

Hell, I was 14, didn't know shit about shit. Wouldn't a mattered anyways, make it home and back same day. That's the worst, make it home, then what are ya gonna do??