Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Seed Discussion Forum

One of the beatings

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Somejoker:
Right, right, right.

MommaDebi:
FREEDOM:"I have no need to re-hash the past as i was accused of this week, but I do have a desire to hear others who share my experience so I can gain understanding and heal."

My perception of this board is the same.
 I am not on some type of pity trip.
 I do think it is valid to attempt to understand that our feelings of isolation, fear, shame, guilt, and anger are real and a consequence of our experiences at "The Seed" indeed.

I, like many I realise now, had only smoked pot prior to entering the program. Of course I was called a "liar" and learned by other's examples to make my list much longer in order to be considered "honest". Of course when I did resume drugs...I did make the list real. LOL.
 I am now sober almost 21 years.I submit that the person I am now is the sum of the experiences I have had in my life. Good and Bad, along with the way I choose to respond to them.I do happen to like myself now. It took a very long time to deprogram myself from the emotional abuse I suffered at the hands of my father. At least I honestly know who I am now.

While as a parent, I understand the feelings of fear our parents must have had...their choice was more harmful, I think, than the consequences our behavior might have been. It is nice to know that I am not alone in feeling that I was betrayed in my youth by those that were supposed to be helping and protecting me.

I am sorry to rant on, but I thought this was a place of acceptance, not judgement of each other, did we not do too much of this destructive behavior in group?
 I thank all of you for being here and listening. I am very glad I found this site. It has helped me to be more open about my experience with my son and my husband. Perhaps they understand a bit more about my more extreme views of my life.

Froderik:
I remember being in the program after turning 18 and deciding I had been on whatever phase long enough, pretty sure it was 5th, and "withdrawing myself". My parents came down from Baltimore & I was taken into a room w/ them and some staff who I can't remember. My dad asked me if I "was going to choose (druggie friend) over him" and not knowing how to better respond to that one I simply answered "yes". He all of the sudden gets up and begins to try to strangle me in his rage. I can't remember how quick staff was to stop him, but someone did. My sister was there (she told me recently) and she said that I got up and walked out of the building and just started walking away. She said that she was worried about me being on my own in VA and talked to me for 3 hours, finally convincing me to stay there. So obviously my parents weren't about to take me with them. I had nowhere to go. Maybe this happened after I copped out from 5th phase and was back on 1st. (I don't know, I'm still digging...)

end of memory - Alex

[ This Message was edited by: AlexL on 2002-11-12 08:17 ]

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