On 2004-12-24 08:01:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I have one thing to say about what is going on with our kids. Soceity has messed them up to the point that everything is alright. Parents need to work to make a living so our kids have no sence of direction and the structure they need in their lives. They grow up watching TV and listening to music that is harming them in more ways than you will ever know. Along with with all the therapy these kids get in an RTC they also get the structure from caring staff. As for fixing a kid that has been making all the wrong choices for who knows how many years, it doesn't work that way. Some make the choice to change sooner than others but overall it's hard to change someone overnight. Study and do your home work, there is a ton of information about RTC's on the internet. "
I'm sorry, but what you're saying is largely a matter of point of view.
The research on TV and kids, for one thing, shows correlation, not causation. There is no way to tell if children of different temperment or parents of different temperment are more likely to have different attitudes towards TV (and music). The temperment could cause the attraction (or aversion) to TV rather than vice versa. Or a third factor could be causing both.
Also, even if TV were definitely causative, the research defining "harm" assumes that:
1) more readiness to tattle as a means of showing empathy is always better.
2) all fear is always inappropriate.
3) aggression is never an appropriate response to any situation.
Since I don't agree with the premises, I naturally don't agree with the "solution".
*I* believe:
1) waiting to see if a squabble or destruction resolves itself before calling in authority is not necessarily an inappropriate response. It is sometimes a realistic response. Excessive indifference is bad. Empathy is important. Excessive empathy is codependency. The existing studies draw no distinctions. The question is whether the empathy is at an *appropriate* level.
2) fear is an appropriate adaptive evolutionary response to tell us what is dangerous to us and help us avoid danger. Excessive fear is harmful. Excessive lack of fear is equally harmful. The proper question is whether the level of fear is realistic and age appropriate, or exaggerated. "Identifying with" victims is another way of saying the child empathizes with them---appropriate empathy. Provided it's *moderate*, it's a normal adaptive response to becoming aware of and understanding potential dangers in the child's living environment.
3) aggression is an appropriate response to some situations. A child beating a bobo doll may have an earlier understanding that the toy is inanimate and may have a more sophisticated understanding that it was *designed* to be punched and isn't likely to be harmed by the play. A ten year old deer hunting with Mom or Dad is displaying *appropriate* aggression towards a prey animal. Self-defense in a situation where aggression is an appropriate response. Moderate aggression is an appropriate and effective response to bullying when the adults who are *supposed* to be supervising the situation are persistently negligent.
Would *I* immediately intervene if I saw two kids fighting or playing destructively? It depends. I might well watch for a few seconds to see if they resolved the problem themselves, or decided for themselves it was a bad idea, *before* intervening.
Am *I* "fearful" about the surrounding world. You betcha. I'm proportionately fearful of the very real dangers in it---but I just use that awareness to help me avoid situations with an excessive risk of danger.
Am *I* more likely to respond aggressively to a situation than someone raised in Utopia? Certainly. Because I'm more likely to have a *realistic* appreciation of when a situation is dangerous enough that aggression is an *appropriate* response out here in non-Utopia, my willingness to use violence in defense of my self or my child *if necessary and only proportionally*, I am more likely to respond to a dangerous situation with violence than is someone who's never even contemplated that there might be such a thing in the world as a mugger, a murderer, or a rapist.
The TV research is interesting, but not meaningfully conclusive if you don't accept their premises.
When they recruit a bunch of families that are indifferent to TV or lack of it and assign them randomly to groups for different levels of TV viewing *and* show that one group has *inappropriate* levels of empathy, fear, and aggression compared to another, then we can talk.
Now, on a shadetree informal level, I will agree that TV to the exclusion of exercise and reading, and TV with no discussion or guidance from adults about how TV is different from real life, is a problem.
Personally, one of the things I *like* about TV is that I can use it to immunize my child against advertising. We discuss how to be an informed consumer and the various tricks advertisers use to make you want products that aren't as good as the ad implies or that you don't need or that cost too much for what they are (comparing the other fun that can be had for different uses of the same money).
I think your view of "our" kids is overly pessimistic, and "to the point that everything is alright" raises my hackles because it implies there are many things kids do which you think are not alright---but you imply that it's not just your opinion but that all right-thinking people would think it's not alright.
IOW, you're implying that you're out of step with society about what is and isn't alright, and you're setting yourself or your sect or your political subset up as the one who decides what is and isn't *really* alright.
One of the things I got from my momma when I was a child was whenever I (or someone else) expressed those huge, sweeping generalizations about how people shouldn't behave badly or say bad things or whatever kinds of things shouldn't be allowed, my momma would look at me and raise her eyebrows and slowly say, "Yes, but...who decides?"
You, consciously or not, are selling yourself or people you agree with as "who decides".
I'm not buying.
Timoclea
