programmies vs. survivors

[Deprogrammed]

accidentally hit the submit button twice...lol

[blownawaytheidahoway]

That's one of the wierdest things about the time and the genre that Castle and I were there.
Even if you were of the mindset that you just were going to make due because it was in you nature, or you didn't like to cause waves - even if you followed the RULES agreements LAWS (fucking can't believe they just open right back up with flashy websites after the scandals of '04) that the school enforced by having everyone so scared they ratted on eachother and enforced even the most petty agreements like a life or death matter- doesn't account for the way they made you feel you were not really getting the program. You always could tear yourself down further. There was no ultimate goal in mind on the schools behalf except to make the students feel "good" for the last month. The rest of the time there is always more Emotional Growth to be done...even if it means making up issues, or talking about your dreams in raps. Traps, I'll coin the phrase. There was a problem whenver there wasn't one. And furthermore, it was a purposeful design for the school to assist Kids in struggling and encouraging worse feelings in the studentbody before that groups important milestones along the way.
In particular the I and ME sessions exacted auto responses for weeks leading up to the workshop. These sessions excelled at employing a helpless and futile self hatred and regretful sadness before the Three day workshop. Virtually every cedu- ite would have to admit that if they were there.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

I want to clarify about that bit about dreams.
I don't want to leave the impression that there was any real dream identification/ therapy going on in the raps.
Often, I remember, dreams would be brought up half way through a really sleepy rap...NOTE: sleepy rap = all the indicting and people who wanted to "work" had already done so.
So during a rap that didn't have more issues to surface (believe it or not this was unusual) the "facilitator" would say "tell us all about your dreams" and I recall more than one occasion where dreams became yet another vehicle to break kids down with NO reason other than a bullshit "gut" feeling from one of the staff. You just couldn't win, even if you had a dream that about daisies and crying at the sunset with your big brother while making cards for your little brothers while James Taylor's goofy expression fastens itself to the inside of your face through the constant osmosis of his sappy music- It just didn't matter, I was feeling good in that dream for something else...something bad.
if there was time left in a sleepy rap and no kids wanted to do "work" at least a few people were going to be made to feel bad before the end of that TRAP. Plain and simple and I still don't know WHY. WHY?

How could anyone have called this therapy? and them therapists? whackos and quacks is more like it.

[blownawaytheidahoway]

I double posted too. sorry.

[try another castle]

In particular the I and ME sessions exacted auto responses for weeks leading up to the workshop. These sessions excelled at employing a helpless and futile self hatred and regretful sadness before the Three day workshop. Virtually every cedu- ite would have to admit that if they were there.

The I & Me literally sought to split your psyche in two. Black and white. Right and wrong. It's no wonder some of us have borderline personality tendencies now.

Blownaway is right. You couldn't skate by. You would be dropped a couple of peer groups, and as a result, stuck there longer. Sometimes they would send you back through the Truth, not as a support, which was a "privilege", but as a participant, like everyone else. (Even though supports did all of the same things the participants did anyway.) You would get accused of being a "look good" if you were trying to adhere to the program but your performance wasn't considered "authentic" enough, or "not growing" because you weren't "getting it" or struggling with the dogma.

I mentioned this in the lingo thread, but the whole notion of "taking care of your feelings", i.e. running  your anger and dribbling snot and mucus into the carpet, and pounding a pillow after you learned how to do trust counseling; we were made to believe that we "had" to do these things to stay sane and well-adjusted. When I got out, I thought that was how it was done. You were supposed to be a weepy mess. I did the whole run your anger thing maybe two or three times in my parents' basement, two for no reason in particular, one for being stood up. Then I stopped, and realized "Holy shit, I'm not going to implode if I don't do this. Well, that's good. Guess I don't have to do it anymore."

I wonder if programmies still do that shit? I can't imagine.


Haha. Sleepy rap. Should have just taken us out fishing. Would have had more therapeutic merit.

I am trying like hell to find this post, but I haven't had much luck. There was someone who posted something in the middle of a CEDU thread, I believe logged on as guest, and they stated that raps helped them in their job as an attorney during courtroom litigation. I balked, and immediately thought, "That must be one tolerant judge." I dislike paraphrasing someone without citing the source, however. Especially since I am going off memory, here.