Jeff Leugers Fan Club

[RTP2003]

Hey all you ex Straight Staffers-- why don't you follow in the footsteps of one of you who finally did something right--KILL YOURSELVES!

You are scum...human refuse...you are vile shit that does not deserve to live...you were paid to abuse and torture the innocent...DO THE HONORABLE THING AND KILL YOURSELVES NOW...if you are not fighting the program now like you supported it then, you should do what your conscience tells you to do, what you know is right--AND KILL YOURSELF!  Most of you know that you can never make up for the harm you inflicted, so why not try to atone for it BY KILLING YOURSELF?  Trust me, none of us will cry when you are gone.  In fact, most of us will honor your decision as the first decent thing you have done since you sold out to Straight.  It's not too late to make up for what you did--ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS KILL YOURSELF!  We promise to forgive you for your actions at Straight if you KILL YOURSELF NOW!

_________________
"Mean and hateful since 1982"


Your sponsor says it's OK for you to drink

[Don Smith]

"Hey all you ex Straight Staffers-- why don't you follow in the footsteps of one of you who finally did something right--KILL YOURSELVES!
"Mean and hateful since 1982"

 :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:
You are one sick jerk!  Jeff was a close personal friend of mine.  He had some emotional issues LONG before Straight that contributed to his unfortunate suicide.  
 :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:
Mean and hateful doesn't even come close to describing you.  Get some help!
 :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:
Don

[Opiod_Morphina]

 Get some help!

 :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:  :flame:

Don "

Hi Don...Post anon much? :idea:  :lol:

[Opiod_Morphina]

You said you didn't love me (a lie)
You said you didn't care (my lie)
I've spent an eternity destroying this (to myself)
As if you weren't there (til I die)

I've lost this taste of inner rage
A question overlooked from this day-to-day
Now this time is running low, had to give it away
Lost this sight, bring it back to life
Another wasted second to burn myself inside
Feel all rebuilding to make you repeat it all

One more dose, another sip
A few pills at the most
Breaking this silence
Of this secure nature
Not enough rest

Wondering as you sit and question what went wrong
Never once offered sanctuary to a truthful cause
Stop repeating a fault; an apology will end for now
Slipping into this un-animated world of dizziness
An empty representation of thought, mistreated wisdom
Twisted lips speak in vain, for a purpose put to shame
A double-edged purpose slaying everyone but yourself
Time is of the essence...patience a blur

A swarm of thoughts, can't catch a one
Left empty-minded
Sitting in these eyes of guilt, outraged
This barrier for what remains
Take the disadvantage, a fraction of this life
Kept close with loss of most
These lips of misfortune, kissed one to many times
Taste the truth...the pain
I've had to gain

Planning daily...getting nothing done
Open the hands of a mind-clasped identity
Taste the bitter blood on these lips
Taste the betrayal of your unfaithful kiss

A hindered growth with a grasping head spin
It will leave one bottled up with a fifth of sin
To live inside these walls till the day I die
Totally confined to love held close inside

Damned to tradition
Flawless untold superstition
Trying to find salvation
An escape from evolution

Words on top of words
Towering fortress of this inaction

These cycles of distrust
This disease that breeds disgust
Another for old times sake
Fell behind in the pack

No chances, no patience
Obedience in a mental fraction

An example of excuse
The virgin behind logic
Intimidate this full restraint
Sink into a lurid thought

God is dead, love is dead
Dark thoughts of this un-compassion

[Anonymous]

 Jeff was a close personal friend of mine.  He had some emotional issues LONG before Straight that contributed to his unfortunate suicide.  

Then why do you have such a pro-Straight attitude? In many of your posts it seems like you have some sort of nostalgia for Straight.  I am not the only one who has noticed this.  If I felt that Straight had contributed to the suicide of a "close personal friend" of mine, I damn sure wouldn't think of it as some kind of summer camp.

Jeff Leugers was my oldcomer for a short while.  He was back in St. Pete after 7 stepping. I honor him for his decision to kill himself.

If using his name in the thread bothers you so much, why don't you kill your ex-Staff self and we'll call it the "Don Smith Fan Club".

You were an ex-Staffer, Don,and you obviously have not put much effort in fighting the program.  You talk about Straight like it was boarding school, whine about "how tough it was to be on Staff", and talk about some stupid book you are writing.  What's the book going to be called "My Vacation at Mel's Resort for Teens?"

You are an ex-Staffer who is not fighting the program now like you supported it then, so I suggest you take my advice and follow in the footsteps of the honorable Mr. Leugers.  

Love ya, Staff !

[RTP2003]

That was me -- forgot to log in.

[Carmel]

I swear you people arent any different from the Staffers you rail against.

Im sorry, I hate to judge anyone...I dont know you guys...but dammit cant you see that spewing reckless hate and cruelty isnt ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT STAFF DID TO YOU?

Please help me understand what makes you any better?

Do you really think that if you were given 10 minutes on national television to talk about Straight that it would be best to rant and rave and tell people to off themselves? Yeah DUDE, Straight sucks ass, man...totally. Real credible.

How is that "all or nothing" mentality any different from the insanity of the program?  Either with us or against us? Straight or deadinsaneorinjail? If you arent a slobbering slave to the cause then you are an abusive monster?  Come on, for fucks sake guys!  

I would also like to know how so many people here talk about their abuse as if it happened five minutes ago...and there seems to be nothing else of note in their lives whatsoever.  How did you make it from then to now?  Have you just lived your life as if everything were ruined by Straight?  Somehow I doubt it.  There is alot more to us all besides that place.....I wont believe otherwise.  Just like there were some fond memories we have from being in the program...mind you, not from being IN the program...but as human beings we tend to find rays of hope when darkness is all around you know?  There were a few times I had alot of fun with my newcomers, they were funny and relaxed and it seemed as if things would be okay if only for a moment...that doesnt make me a god damned Straight supporting Nazi.  It makes me real.  If we cant find the good parts...we wont ever get past the bad ones....please PLEASE, even though it may not be right for me to do so...it makes me want to beg for a little less ignorance from you all.

[The Butcher]

Im sorry, I hate to judge anyone...I dont know you guys...but dammit cant you see that spewing reckless hate and cruelty isnt ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT STAFF DID TO YOU?

I disagree. Why do want to stand up for them? In my eyes, you're no better.

How is that "all or nothing" mentality any different from the insanity of the program? Either with us or against us? Straight or deadinsaneorinjail? If you arent a slobbering slave to the cause then you are an abusive monster? Come on, for fucks sake guys!

So I guess it's "turn the other cheek then?" Fuck that..It didn't get Jesus anything more than nailed to a tree.

I would also like to know how so many people here talk about their abuse as if it happened five minutes ago...and there seems to be nothing else of note in their lives whatsoever. How did you make it from then to now?

You seem to want to claim to know a lot about people who you never met. Excuse me, but I have knives to sharpen and axes to grind.  :grin:  

I'll see you in hell,

The Butcher

[Carmel]

Thats crazy...I dont want to stand up for them at all...but you have to see that somehow telling them to kill themselves isnt a productive way to get them to take responsibility....if you are all so gung-ho for the cause...wouldnt you want to be the most productive in your pursuits?  

And actually no...if you read closely I am claiming to know very little about people...I want to know more about who they are as people and not as victims...after all...we are all still people right?  Otherwise what are we fighting for?[ This Message was edited by: Carmel on 2004-03-26 08:54 ][ This Message was edited by: Carmel on 2004-03-26 08:55 ]

[RTP2003]

Im sorry, I hate to judge anyone...I dont know you guys...but dammit cant you see that spewing reckless hate and cruelty isnt ANY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT STAFF DID TO YOU?

Me spewing venom on a website is the same as overseeing the torture of 200 kids at a time?  You are stupider than I thought.

Please help me understand what makes you any better?

It's a misbehaver thing--you wouldn't understand.

Do you really think that if you were given 10 minutes on national television to talk about Straight that it would be best to rant and rave and tell people to off themselves? Yeah DUDE, Straight sucks ass, man...totally. Real credible.

 I'm not on national TV, you abuse-minimizing dolt--I'm on a website where people are talking about abuses they suffered that caused deep psychological and emotional traumas.

I would also like to know how so many people here talk about their abuse as if it happened five minutes ago...and there seems to be nothing else of note in their lives whatsoever.

Don't tell me to "get over it" you idiot.  If I had my eyes gouged out 20 years ago, I would still be blind today.  Just because something happened 20 years ago doesn't mean it has no influence today.

 

How did you make it from then to now?

 Certainly not by turning the other cheek and meekly forgiving people who have done me serious wrongs. See Butcher's comment for an idea of what that will get you.

it makes me want to beg for a little less ignorance from you all."

You fountain of wisdom, you.

[Cayo Hueso]

On 2004-03-26 08:30:00, Carmel wrote:




Do you really think that if you were given 10 minutes on national television to talk about Straight that it would be best to rant and rave and tell people to off themselves? Yeah DUDE, Straight sucks ass, man...totally. Real credible.

No, the intentions in appearing on a television show to talk about Straight are different than the intentions here.  This is a place where people CAN talk about the abuse they endured with people who understand what they're talking about.

I would also like to know how so many people here talk about their abuse as if it happened five minutes ago...and there seems to be nothing else of note in their lives whatsoever.  How did you make it from then to now?  Have you just lived your life as if everything were ruined by Straight?  

I said in another thread that, for me, it's not so much the actual physical abuse or even the confrontational torture......it's the lasting effects of how they changed my psyche and how I deal with and process things.  I wish to God I could have dealt with this stuff a while ago and moved on, but I couldn't.  Between the damage they did and the continuing support of Straight by my family have left marks on me that will NEVER go away.  Some days I deal with it better than others.  Some days I feel like I want to take a fucking uzi and clear out the whole lot of them, staff, oldcomers, graduates....anyone connected with that place.  Then I come to my senses.  It's nice to be able to blow off a little steam on here sometimes.  It happens less and less the longer I've been visiting the boards.  When I first started, it was all so overwhelming and emotions were so raw that it was easy to rant and rave....and it helped.

I dont' sit around and feel like shit about the things that were done to me in there, I grieve for what I lost and the continuing damage to my psyche and general make-up of how I deal with things.  I realize that it's my responsibility to deal with this, but it doesn't mean that I can't still be angry about the fucking mind rape job they did.

The college idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem willing to do absolutely anything to save the biosphere, except take science courses and learn something about it.


--P.J. O'Rourke

[The Butcher]

Some days I feel like I want to take a fucking uzi and clear out the whole lot of them

I suggest that you put down the uzi. I've found  hands-on 'therapy' to be MUCH more gratifying. ::stab::

[RTP2003]

<
I dont' sit around and feel like shit about the things that were done to me in there, I grieve for what I lost and the continuing damage to my psyche and general make-up of how I deal with things.  I realize that it's my responsibility to deal with this, but it doesn't mean that I can't still be angry about the fucking mind rape job they did.

Right you are, Cayo.

[Carmel]

Okay RTP your right...I condone abuse and want to let everyone who was a part of it get away with murder....Come on man.  

No one says anger isnt warranted...but looking at the big picture...anger just isnt the sole means to the end that you support.  Thats all I am saying.  I dont want to make peace with my abusers...but I do want peace for myself...and the longer I let the abusers and what they did have influence over what I think do and feel...even if its wiping my ass...then the abusers have won.  The abusers wanted to make us hurt...and hurt forever....and if we keep being hurt and in pain, then they have won.  Would you not agree?  If we cant see past our own nose because we are so filled with hate and anger just like them...have they not won?  

I dont support them, I dont condone their actions and I certainly dont want to walk off as if nothing happened with my tail between my legs......Im angry too....damn right Im angry and pissed off ....but if it means being a snake in the grass rather than a rampaging elephant in order to get these people to be held accountable....I'll be the first one on my belly.

[The Butcher]

There's no need for anger! ::bangin::