With the brand new chef knife I just bought with gift money. I never want to touch alcohol again. I've been telling myself for years that suicide was not an option, but somehow, my brain doesn't listen when I'm wasted.
In a violent angry fit of rage I fought to destroy anything in my life that is good. I have so much pain and hatred that seeps through the cracks like flood waters. Thank God no-one was seriously hurt.
Have I always been this way? How do I make it go away?
The one person that was there, was injured by me fighting to try and hurt myself.
Who was I really trying to kill? Where did I go? Who do I hate? Who can't I forgive for hurting me?
I'm sorry for everything, and I'm not going to be posting here as often anymore, or on the internet at all for that matter. I'm actually going to church this Sunday.
I am so afraid of being a statistic, a memory with no real past.
No-one knows me, I don?t even know me. I?m scared. I?ve been scared my entire life, but now I'm an adult trapped in the mind of an unloved, self hating child, still waiting for life to begin, and I'm getting old in the process.
Thank you, Straight, Inc.