dwelling in the past

[7stepper]

I 7stepped Straight in Va. in'86. Was there 18 months.  Never sat in my own feces or urine nor did I see anyone else do that.  Never got hit or hit anyone.  Was never molested and never heard any rumors that it was going on.  Agree that songs like "straight is it" were irratating but preferred singing to staring at a wall. I do remember some confrontational raps after open meeting, but nothing to cause nightmares. Had a brother and a sister that withdrew themselves when they turned 18. One was there 1 month, the other 11 months.  Both thought the program sucked but neither claims any abuse took place.  After completing the program I met and married another 7stepper.  We've been married 16 years and have 2 kids.  Neither of us got into AA or NA, but are both still sober.  My experience was that Straight was a tough program and a difficult time in my life but I did come out of there a whole lot stronger than I went in.  My life has gone on.  I've had tougher times in my life and easier times but they're all experiences. I do not define myself by the fact that I went through a Straight program, nor do I define my siblings as failures for not completing it. My family is really close and yet rarely do any of us even mention Straight.  Imagine that - that is how insignificant it is at this point in our lives.  We're all more caught up in our children, our jobs, OUR LIVES!  I hope you all can find the peace w/ your past that you are seeking so you can move on.

[Therion]

***   10's   ***
     

My Skin is Cold, Transfusion with Somebody

 Morose and Old, Drop into Fruitless Dying

It was tempting and bared, the whoring angel rising
Now burning prayers, my silent time of losing


My foes - they can?t destroy my body
Colliding slow, like life itself

Long for the blur, we cannot drive much longer
 Semen to dirt, DISGUSTED WITH MY CHEAPNESS


Reaching down, staring up (at the forgiver)

_________________
You're a fool! Dont fuck around with my dog.
All that I can see I steal...I fill up my garage..

[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-14 03:50 ]

[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-14 03:51 ]

[Therion]

If you have moved on ...and straights so unimportant WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU AT FORNITS..

You sound sad and brinwashed and you are calling yourself "7 Stepper"?! What a fucking tool you are..

Have a nice life and dont come back, fuck!!!

[Idreamofnewtonsburning]

Preach on Brother Therion! Testify!

[Anonymous]

On 2004-02-14 03:59:00, Therion wrote:

"

If you have moved on ...and straights so unimportant WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU AT FORNITS..

"

 :tup: My God Therion,

Heh, I was thinking the same thing when I read that. What in the hell drew him over to this site, why did he deem it necessary to search for the topic 'Straight' in Google if it was soooooo insignificant in his life? I don't get it. Usually by this time I am posting something about him being in denial, or him having nightmares or flashbacks, arguing excessively with people in the present. Naaaa, why waste my breath anyway.......

[Scott D]

I don't find anything wrong about what he said. Not everyone had the same experience in there. I never saw anyone sit in piss or shit either and I was never hit by anyone nor was I deprived of food. I didn't get to eat what I wanted but, I ate. He didn't say that he loved the place or that it was easy....so, I don't know why you all are busting his balls. He is as much of a survivor of Straight as anyone else that was there regardless of him graduating or not. I mean the guy said he stayed sober by choice and now he is all about his wife and kids.....is that a bad thing? Hell no it's not!

[Mamma Bird]

On 2004-02-13 23:45:00, 7stepper wrote:

"  Never sat in my own feces or urine nor did I see anyone else do that.  Never got hit or hit anyone.  Was never molested and never heard any rumors that it was going on.

You and the other people never sat in your own feces or urine because others who went before you fought hard enough that Straight had to be more careful. I'm absolutely certain you SAW someone get hit because tempers flair at misbehavors and they  don't have any recourse, do they? As far as molestation, I don't imagine you spent a lot of time or energy paying attention to what misbehaving girls had to say about the grown men who restrained them. By virtue of their being misbehavors, anything they said was nul and void. I know in Michigan the fucking quack they hired to look after the physical ailments of Straightlings told girls to remove their shirts and asked about their sexual histories regardless of what they were there for. This happened to me when I had an ingrown toenail (I was 13 and didn't HAVE a sexual history, not that anyone believed that) and I don't actually know of any girl on my program that wasn't asked to answer sexual questions bare-chested if she wanted healthcare.
 If you are happy with your life I am  happy for you. But certainly you don't think every single person here is full of shit? That these boards exist for no reason?

[7stepper]

Sorry to disappoint - No search was done to find this site. It was passed on to me from an old friend who thought I might find it amusing. I found it sad. Again, no flashbacks, no nightmares, and don't think I argue anymore than the next person. Just thought it wouldn't hurt to say that some of us have moved on. Have no clue on who'd I be working as a tool for since I have no association w/ a program that closed it's doors long ago. See now that no one here is interested in moving on, so I won't bother again. One last question for you all to think about - If you continue to sit in all this anger, didn't the program win anyway?  Time to move on.  Peace

[Scott D]

I certainly didn't say that everyone is full of shit...I just stated about my own experience there. That is why i said that not everyone had the same experience. I did see people get hit by other phasers. I personally don't agree with a bunch of stuff Straight did and many kids should not have been there as drug problems most likely were not an issue for them. For the people that were sexually abused in there by another phaser or by whoever....I feel for them. I was sexually abused before going to Straight and I know exactly how fucked up that can leave a person. I also know how hard it is to change things within myself and how painful shit can be. But, I refuse to torture myself day after day with things that have happened to me that I couldn't control. I am an adult now and I have complete power over every decision I make now and I don't want to waste anymore of my life on pain and misery. I certainly am not taking anything away from how you or anyone else is feeling but, it seems like in here that everyone wants to feed off of everyone elses pain and the minute someone comes on here and says that they are doing ok and they have been able to let go of alot of shit and pretty much move on in their life.....about 20 people jump on them and say that he or she is just brainwashed and get the fuck off of here. Why? My question to that individual would be "what did you do to get thru all this?"  The reason I came onto this site was to find people that I lost contact with and to see and hear how people are doing. Straight was a rough time for anyone who was there and for that reason alone I have a connection to all of you.

[ This Message was edited by: Scott D on 2004-02-14 07:43 ]

[7stepper]

Perhaps one location was worse or better than others.  As I said, I was at the Va. Straight and  I can say with absolute certainty that NO males restrained the girls - it wasn't allowed - not even in host homes.  As you say I am grateful for those who went before me and had rules changed.  Years ago I met a bunch of the 7steppers out of St. Petersberg and they told me how easy I had it compared to them. I believed them. And for the record, they seemed like real together people, not emotionally scarred.
Scott D - thanks for understanding. I see you went through the Va. program too.  Can't say I've kept in touch w/ too many other 7steppers - been a long time- but I wish you the best in reconnecting w/ them.  I'm glad to see you also got the message about personal choices dictating your life, it sure helped me to move on.I will pass this forum on to the few people I have kept up. Peace

[kaydeejaded]

ok I was in one of the most "laid back" of the straights. And people got hit there.


They really did. And message about personal choices dictating your life...I got the message that I prefer it much better when I get to make some personal choices and dictate my own life.

The things that went on in boston alone make me not question that the horrific claims made by others are entirely possible.

I can say this also, for me personally I was in other places after straight and have nothing bad to say about them, and no urge to look them up on the web. They weren't fun, but they didn't shape my life the way Straight did. They didn't traumatize me and they didn't make a lasting nightmare giving life altering change in my exsistance.

look on the Straight inc alum boards, there are newspaper articles documenting kids getting hit by staff and Boston Stoughton Straight and that being part of why that location was closed, by childrens services.

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
--Unknown

[kalideskoper]

I just wanted to add that I don't believe that I am dwelling on my time in Straight. I just think that  at the age I was when I went in and the things that happened along with the friendships I developed still effect my life today. I was only 15 when I went in. Straight relationships taught me how to have relationships all around. I am very paranoid and untrusting. Everyone is capable of turning on me (reporting me) and my whole life (my program)could be destroyed or shaken beyond belief. That is why I like to get on here and find that there are others who survived. Others that did not give up and commit suicide, turn to bigger better drugs, or end up in some insane assylum. Is that awful that I want to know that I am not alone in my trials to stay sane after straight. I thing the basic principals of straight were right on. The people who were in charge dropped the ball and ruined it. I am a single mom who works and tries very hard to move on. Maybe straight helped, maybe not. Either way I am a survivor!!!

[Therion]

I did sit in my own urine and that was in 1989 and I was compliant...and "working" the program..

 OKOK actually Im not going to list abuses..

 I do not post often about straight..I came to fornits because Straight did affect me..and still does...

 I stay at fornits because it is the main posting board for some of my best friends and sister...I have a shit family..therefore my friends are all I have and I want to be where they are...Fornits..
 I even have people I consider friends that I have never spoken to other than posts here suck as Froed...

 Thats what fornits is to me..I want to share poetry, opinions, stories, and anything else with my friends...

 But dont come here telling people to "GET OVER IT" your life is good anon, you have a family and wife an job...not everyone does..

 Some were affected alot worse than you...this board is for them to vent...this can save lives..

 People can post and find they arent alone..and make support nets..

 "GEt over it" helps noone..are you so blind you dont see this???!!

 YOU have moved on...great..good for you..
but dont come here rubbing that in peoples faces..

 IF PEOPLE HAVENT MOVED ON AND NEED AN EAR OR ADVIVE I WANT TO HEAR THEM..I WANT TO TALK TO THEM..I WANT TO LET THEM KNOW THEY ARE CARED FOR AND UNDERSTOOD...I AM THE ANGEL THERION.

 Now if you arent gonna be supportive then eat shit...start a pro straight sight..

 And scott I can see where you are coming from but am dissapointed that you dont agree with me about this..

 some folks dont have an ear..I didnt...and have
found some of the most amazing friends here...

[Scott D]

I didn't take him as trying to rub anything in anyones face. He was just stating his own experience there. I am sure that there were things that fucked with his head in and out of Straight as a result of being in there. I have yet talked to anyone that was there sober or not that didn't have something that they felt that Straight messed with their head about. He just said that he was able to get over a lot of things and move on in his life with a wife , a job and his kids. I don't know him personally or does he me. But, when I get jammed up about shit in my life and I can't seem to get out of it and I am depressed, pissed, scared and hopeless...my ears tend to perk up when I hear someone else or see someone else that overcame the same shit that I am sitting in. I mean this with any issue in my life not just Straight related things. I truely don't think that anyone wants to be unhappy....people want friends and family etc. Why wouldn't someone want that? I am not taking away from bad shit that has happened to people. We ALL have a story. There are some very bad things in my story that I had no control over, the sweet thing now is that I do have control over it now for the most part. I simply mean that I have the power of choice now with everything about me. I know what my experience in Straight was and I know who I am. I don't forget anything about my life....my history in life is like a huge classroom where I learn as I go but, for a really long time after Straight I stayed in the same grade for years. This is a gay analogy but, this world does not owe me shit and if I want something I have to go after it.. I am no different then you or 7 stepper. We all are "survivors of Straight" and I want to hear his story as much as I want to hear yours. I also want to hear how you are dealing with things and how he is dealing with stuff now (I mean this in general not just you two specifically). Then I am able to choose things that I read that I think may be of help to myself. All I am saying is that when your read his post, you got pissed at something....when I read it, I didn't get pissed at all. Why is that? I am not saying that I am right and you are wrong.... i'm just asking why the big contrast between 2 individuals that have a ton in common? Listen dude, I can respect your opinions and most certainly your emotions as I have felt them to but, you just seem to be very quick to slam the door on someone that rightfully should be able to walk in here. Peace to you.

[ This Message was edited by: Scott D on 2004-02-15 10:28 ]

[Froderik]

All's well that ends well..  ::cheers::