When I look around at humanity I don't like it. Humans are faltered with emotion, wraught with thoughts that are not really congruent with goals. And before you go saying stop whining vaguely, just look at Straight Incorporated.
But these incomplete qualities of man lead us all to wanting something more. Everyone lied before Straight Incorporated, knew how to do so with more of an aware conscious of lying when they got out.
My relationships after Straight Incorporated seemed to be effected mostly by my learning to yell and curse. I have resorted to this time and time again. 'Grow up' 'Move on'. Nah, on an emotional level events will stick with you and will recreate themselves in a very Real way until you allow yourself to FEEL that shit again and go through it.
I've kicked peoples asses, yelled, cursed, and restrained motherfuckers from all the habits taught to me at Straight. I haven't been able to really stop and analyze it until people really started calling out my past.
Yes, my relationships have been FOREVER altered as a result of Straight Incorporated. If my family were healthy in the sense of taking care of themselves as a nuclear entity I would never have been in Straight, yes. And I would probably have lost my faith in our ever dying humanity anyways.
It seems more people from the Beatnik Generation or whatever they're called, my parent's generation, has made our divorce rates climb (and crime rates) though. So, fine that nothing absolutely nothing is sacred and humanity, People, Humans, are more selfish than not. Again, the example of Straight Incorporated's abuses and seizures are to be used here. Perhaps the older adult generations still want to feel that control over their swiftly lost grasp over this world. Nothing was precious to them if even one, ME even, were allowed and made to spit on someone else, let alone killing someone in the name of other wars.
Alot of humans have completely lost their 'faith' in humanity. You don't see them often enough and would probably call them strange cos they probably don't use their mouths to speak because they've grown intelligent about myths. Some of these people go into the forest and develop lives with animals in fact. This can be seen in many kung fu styles of religion in oriental provinces. Men, and women, would go into the jungles and, being tired of humanity, would find insects or animals to befriend.
Kung Fu styles; dragon (lizard), crane, cougar, tiger, and snake style kung fu were developed in this way.
People like that will kick your ass. And I'm not saying that its' good to abduct children or kill people, lots of people I know want to kill people in the name of true justice, cos we just lock those people up anyways.
So, don't be different or even think about wanting to ditch humanity. Again in the example of Straight Incorporated you might get curtailed into a pen you don't want to be in just like I was for three years. I guess the only recompense, after achieving a very small level of sanity now today, is knowing that I am becoming who I would have anyway - just having to try Very hard to lose some bad habits.
Not sure what I would be left with that Straight has given me to benefit from. I don't talk to people from Straight. I dont call them, not the ones I did time and way with anyways. So, no friends from Straight. Straight kept me away from schools, good jobs, people of sanity, and health for about ten years or more.
Well, I can say the twelve steps over and over again. That's about it. I could write an M.I. and ration my food intake. Umm, I could stay out of school and not talk to chicks at all. I can become a real fucking dork, with a dorky fucking haircut. I can lash out cos this is what I was trained to do daily for three years, and I was told to resort to this at all costs.
I would have lost my faith in humanity anyhow, as everyone does. Only, I would have been allowed to do it in honesty, not through breaking through all the clouded lies that humanity is inherently good or whatever. Leave that shit for the fantasy books.
