Anxiety Kicks My Ass

[Therion]

I hate anxiety...it comes out of nowhere.
I get a rush in my stomach...like that feeling you used to get when you got pulled over while carrying something very illegal..
 And various things flash through my head..but nothing in particular.
 Any of you guys have this problem? Im not claiming its Straight related (although it could be, I suppose) just have noone else really to ask. I cant afford a theapist
 Im not particularly happy about my life at the moment, and do have alot of bona fied fears of the future...but this anxiety is diffrent. When I am worrying I am very focused and aware of what Im worried about. But the panic attacks are diffrent, its like a nagging feeling like something isnt right....something bad is about to happen...And it does not really go away when I try to read or play a video game..
 It bugs the hell out of me..

 Sometimes I start tripping out on myself...think about all the bad things Ive done in my life..and just feel like such a worthless piece of shit. Come to think of it I dont think Ive ever contributed to anything worthwhile ever.

 :rofl:  :rofl:  :wave:  :wave:

[Anonymous]

You mention this feeling of foreboding, fear of the future; I have that deeply in me.  I fight it daily.  The only advice I have is to set a goal for you.  What do you want for your life?  What do you want to do?  And once you figure this one out, get started and don?t stop, for anything or anyone. I have some very big dreams and I?m on the precipice of achieving them.  This wouldn?t be possible if I had not first decided what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.

Sometimes I wonder if the way I deal with anxiety is linked to Straight.  I had a talk with my daughter today and she gets upset when I am angry about life.  I told her that she just doesn?t understand what happened to me or ?us? kids.  Unfortunately I feel things ?VERY DEEPLY? when someone treads one me and does something unjust, I flip.  I show my emotions and don?t hold back. This came from Straight.  It wasn?t fair what happened to us but it did.  It?s also not fair to inflict our loved ones to the same stuff.

All I can say is take a deep breath and realize that your just human and doing the best you can.

Also, realize that when you see people in public and they appear happy and together, that everyone has one problem or another.  There are NO perfect people.  

Give yourself a break man; don?t be so hard on yourself.  

My biggest fear has been the realization that I am alone in this world.  It doesn?t matter if you?re in a relationship or not.  No one will ever truly understand you or your position on anything.  They can?t they have their perspective and their own problems.  

Good luck to you??may you find your way!

[Therion]

Yah I never would really confront people in Straight but I picked up on it...and do rip into peoples ass bad when I feel like someone is screwing me in any way.
 And people trip out on it too. Fuck man even in this online game I play (Everquest) theres alot of interaction...and having to work with same group of people alot...and I have had people kinda pull me aside and tell me "Damn man you take stuff too personal etc etc" they dont understand...and I dont wanna have to tell everybody..."Yah im fucking nutcase cuz..well see ,I was in this Brainwashing camp"
 And most people dont behave like that...Straight taught us to be so fucking judgemental...and to look for people getting over on you...and to think that everyones full of shit..and we must tell them and..

That shit is just nuts..its that very shit that tore my marriage apart...I was so critical and paranoid...and confrontational.and she was fuckng miserable (of course)...
 But ya know...thats done with and shit happens...and we live with it...Perhaps Ill get another chance to start a family of my own again..and be able to recognize when that Straight behavior kicks in..and stop it..

Funny how I feel as though Im fighting off the effects of that place...and its a tougher more distructive battle than drugs...
                Brad (Straight Dallas 1988)

[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-05 19:38 ]

[kaydeejaded]

oh God, I do it too and I have panic attacks bad ones, it feels like tingles all over my body like a rushing feeling.

But I take xanax for them prescribed by my shrink
it is a shitty feeling. I had one in a diner once and now I get anxiety attacks going into diners. Like the fear of anxiety gives me anxiety? does that make any sense. So I don't go to diners no big loss and when I go to dinner out I usally get take a xanax and have a beer to get a slight a buzz on and relax.
 
I am paranoid basket case, and no hey I was in a brainwashing camp does not go over that well.

One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to be cured by legislation.
--Thomas Brackett Reed

[ehm]

On 2004-01-05 19:37:00, Therion wrote:

" Yah I never would really confront people in Straight but I picked up on it...and do rip into peoples ass bad when I feel like someone is screwing me in any way.

 And people trip out on it too. Fuck man even in this online game I play (Everquest) theres alot of interaction...and having to work with same group of people alot...and I have had people kinda pull me aside and tell me "Damn man you take stuff too personal etc etc" they dont understand...and I dont wanna have to tell everybody..."Yah im fucking nutcase cuz..well see ,I was in this Brainwashing camp"

 And most people dont behave like that...Straight taught us to be so fucking judgemental...and to look for people getting over on you...and to think that everyones full of shit..and we must tell them and..



That shit is just nuts..its that very shit that tore my marriage apart...I was so critical and paranoid...and confrontational.and she was fuckng miserable (of course)...

 But ya know...thats done with and shit happens...and we live with it...Perhaps Ill get another chance to start a family of my own again..and be able to recognize when that Straight behavior kicks in..and stop it..



Funny how I feel as though Im fighting off the effects of that place...and its a tougher more distructive battle than drugs...

                Brad (Straight Dallas 1988)

[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-05 19:38 ]"

every single word... ::alieneyesa::

is this what they call borderline personality disorder now? is this something different? there should be a name for this disorder...

Still, if you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.
--Winston Churchill

[ehm]

and anxiety attacks make you feel like you are about to die. this happened to me recently at the movie theater.

The right of self-defense is the first law of nature; in most governments it has been the study of rulers to confine this right within the narrowest possible limits. ... and [when] the right of the people to keep and bear arms is, under any color or pretext whatsoever, prohibited, liberty, if not already annihilated, is on the brink of destruction.
-- St. George Tucker, Judge of the Virginia Supreme Court 1803

[Anonymous]

It really sucks all the shit that happened to us.  These anxiety attacks that we all feel is sick.  But on the other hand, ?Hey we?re still here?!  For the most part I think that we have adjusted.  I know life is hard but hey we haven?t put a bullet in our heads like some of our co-client?s from Straight and similar programs.  God bless all of them!  Some of us are damned lucky that we have survived.  This includes me.  On more that one occasion I have come close to the thought of???..

It?s all just real sad.  I really think that most here are VERY good people. Most of us have huge hearts and lots of compassion.  It just amazes me how harshly such nice kids like us at the time, were treated.  We were treaded on heavily. I can?t stand that fact.

Just one foot in front of the other????that?s all I can do.

Another day has come and gone?.

[Therion]

::smokingun::  ::drummer::  ::drummer::  ::drummer::  ::kiss::  ::kiss::  ::kiss::  ::kiss::  ::kiss::  ::kiss::  ::kiss::

[Therion]

EDITED Drunk post

[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-07 06:27 ]

[Therion]

That band Puddle of Mudd sucks bad.....

Possibly the worst band still playing today..

Could that dude try any harder to look like Kurt Cobain?

Kurt Cobain was an idiot too....

    That is all..........

[Froderik]

Ted Nugent said that he was an idiot for offing himself with a quail load..he's lucky that he succeeded, I guess. I like Cobain, though. He could write some songs. When Nirvana first became popular, I didn't like them too much...but they've grown on me after a while.

[ClayL]

I don't know. 1 oz. of lead moving at 1050 fps. at the end of the barrell acts, ballistically, as a 1 oz. lump of lead. After impact the shot will begin to scatter, due mostly to the bone density of the sinus cavity, but the scattering will be mostly superficial but some of the shot will remain in the skull, being stopped by the bone. Whether straight on or up under the chin the sinius cavity will shatter from the impact and be driven back through the brain causing instant death. After the person is dead, all this explodes as a gooey mass out the cranium in the direction of the shot.

Kind of vivid, huh?

CL

[Froderik]

So it's the shattering of the sinus cavity that causes death when you shoot yourself in the head? I always thought that it was the bullet penetrating your brain that did it..

[kaydeejaded]

ugh! boys!

that was graphic!
  ::puke::


informative ballistics report though,

I'm going for an open casket myself

There's no biochemical test to distinguish the so-called manic-depressive person from the elated or despondent football fan. Nor is there any resan to assume the manic-depressive's inner experience is driven by twisted molecules while the football fan's is driven, at worst, by twisted values
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0312113668/circlofmiamithem' target='_new'> Dr. Peter Breggin, Toxic Psychiatry

[ehm]

On 2004-01-07 06:30:00, Therion wrote:

"

That band Puddle of Mudd sucks bad.....



Possibly the worst band still playing today..



Could that dude try any harder to look like Kurt Cobain?



Kurt Cobain was an idiot too....



    That is all.........."

 :flame: i've never even heard of thatcrappy  band, but kurt cobain was not an idiot. :flame: okay, well yeah he was. [edit]

 :wave: - thank you for reading.

We did not inherit this land from our ancestors, we borrow it form our children.


http://www.civilization.ca/aborig/haida/hapindxe.html' target='_new'>Haida

[ This Message was edited by: morli on 2004-01-07 09:52 ]