Proposed Joint Resolution No.666 Supporting Israel
1. As you all know, we here at Mantiq al-Tayr always try to be of service. In light of the recent events in international waters in the Mediterranean where hoards of peace activists landed by helicopter at night onto the decks of helpless Israeli commando boats and beat the shit out of the commandos, killed somewhere between 10 and 20 of them, and then hauled these commando boats and their pacifist commando passengers to Tehran where they were forced to sign papers written in Farsi that said they acknowledge that Israeli hummus is nothing but a cheap imitation of the hummus served to Hasan Nasrallah every morning; in light of all this, the whole team here at Mantiq al-Tayr has jumped to action. In order to save time for Israel’s representatives in both the US House and Senate – many of whom have been on vacation – probably in Israel or maybe even at “Man’s Country” – we have drawn up a joint House and Senate resolution condemning the violence perpetrated against Israel and supporting as violent an Israeli response as possible. This joint resolution is based on the Senate resolution back in January of 2009, sponsored by Senator Harry Reid (Likud, Nevada) and co-sponsored by 31 other Senators that sided with Israel in its self defense against the murderous women and children of the Gaza Strip.
We suggest cutting and pasting the draft resolution below and faxing it to Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid as well as to your own representatives and that you demand that they bring this resolution to a vote by June 8th, 2010.
Now, now, I can hear you all bitching and moaning “Mantiq, we don’t even know who are representatives are, never mind their fax numbers. We gave up on the government years ago. We’d like to help, but we don’t know where to turn.”
Once again it’s Mantiq to the rescue. First of all, here is Nancy Pelosi’s fax number: 202-225-8259
Here is Harry Reid’s fax number: 202-224-7327
And here you can get the fax numbers of every single Representative and Senator.
Below is the proposed text of Joint Resolution 666. Fax away folks.
Joint Senate and House Resolution 666
Whereas the Freegaza movement is dedicated to the destruction of Israel and of the Jewish people;
Whereas Rache Corrie got what she deserved;
Whereas members of both Houses are on a mission from God to serve the state of Israel;
Whereas the majority of members of Congress place Israel’s interest over those of the American people;
Whereas the aforementioned members of Congress are a bunch of pussies when it comes to standing up to Israel;
Whereas the Zionist Lobby has a death grip on the entire legislative branch;
Whereas some members of the Senate, such as Charles Schumer, play roles which are “very important in the United States senate, which is for us to be shomers guardians to be a or the shomers of Yisrael. And we will continue to be that with every bone in our bodies…”
Whereas other members of the legislative branch, such as Deborah Wasserman-Schultz, “ want to be able to maximize our abilities to advance the interests of Israel”;
Whereas both chambers of the Legislative branch agree with Ms. Wasserman-Schultz when she stated “The more advocates for Israel in America, the better.”
Whereas other members of Congress, such as Jane Harman – known to many Americans as “Mossad Jane” – are in close contact with Israeli agents;
Whereas the “Israel Project’s” advisory board is composed of one American actor and 22 members of the House and Senate, to wit:
?Evan Bayh D-IN
?Ben Cardin, D-MD
?Saxby Chambliss, R-GA
?Tom Coburn R-OK
?Norm Coleman, R-MN
?Susan Collins, R-ME
?Judd Gregg, R NH
?Joe Lieberman, I-CT
?Bill Nelson, D-FL
?Gordon Smith, R-OR
?Arlen Specter, R-PA
?Ron Wyden, D-OR
?Rob Andrews, D-NJ
?Shelley Berkley, D-NV
?Tom Davis, R-VA
?Eliot Engel, D-NY
?Frank Pallone, D-NJ
?Jon Porter, R-NV
?John Sarbanes, D-MD
?Jim Saxton, R-NJ
?Brad Sherman, D-CA
?Joe Wilson, R-SC
?Ron Silver, Actor & Director
Whereas many members of the House and the Senate have received free trips to Israel and have flown on Israel Project helicopters so as to see how serious the threat of peace in the region is to Israel’s well-being;
Whereas many members of the House and Senate are sex perverts whose pictures no doubt grace the walls of the classified spaces in the Israeli embassy in Washington DC;
Whereas Wayne Madsen has exposed one of our favorite hideouts in Chicago, “Man’s Country”, which now we can’t go to anymore thanks to White House proclivities in the same direction and man that pisses us off, now it’s back to tapping our shoes in mens’ bathrooms and we can’t tell you how much that sucks, but we digress;
Whereas many of us are being blackmailed;
Whereas we are all a bunch of cowards;
Whereas we support Israel’s murder of not only as many Palestinians as possible but also of the men of the USS LIBERTY;
Whereas we never did a f**king thing about the USS LIBERTY and never will;
Whereas the Executive Branch is riddled with Israeli spies;
Resolved, that the Senate and the House –
(1) express vigorous support and unwavering commitment to the welfare, security, and survival of the State of Israel as a Jewish and racist state with ever-expanding borders, and recognize its right to act in self-defense to protect its citizens by engaging in the wanton murder of defenseless civilians – men, women and children – even if and especially if these individuals are American citizens;
(2) encourage the Israeli Genocidal Forces (IGF) to torpedo the MV Rachel Corrie the same way they torpedoed the USS LIBERTY, only this time we ask that the IGF not f**k this one up and actually sink the ship and blame it on Iran;
(3) demand that the Palestinians who dare to live in Judea and Samaria, the Gaza Strip, and inside the so-called green-line, renounce their God-given given rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, just as our founding fathers would have had them do;
(4) believe strongly that the US must commit to fighting more wars for Israel and hence recommend that the Joint Chiefs of Staff be placed directly under the command of the head of Israel’s armed forces so as make de-jure what is already de-facto.
(5) Will move Washington, D.C. to Jerusalem. Enough disingenuous hypocrisy is enough. We are Israel and there is NO light between Israel and the U.S;
(appropriate moment of grovelling and Israeli ass-kissing, holding of breath, and continue)
(6) blame Iran for EVERYTHING that has EVER happened that the U.S. simply does NOT like;
(7) cannot wait to double Israel’s annual tribute, in line with the ‘Shoah business’ slogan of ‘Six billion for six million!;
(8 ) support changing the 50 stars in the American flag to six-pointed ones instead of five-pointed ones. And how about just two wide blue stripes, instead of all them pinko red ones?;
(9) nominate Nancy Pelosi to sing the Israeli national anthem ‘Hatikvah’ to open the World Series, repeating her performance of singing it to a Jewish lobby group in the aftermath of 9/11;
(10) demand changing the name of the US dollar to the ‘shekel,’ so that collaborationist Christianity [a/k/a 'Judaism for Gentiles'] can solicit its dwindling membership to contribute ‘shekels for Shabbat,’ for Christ’s sake;
(11) recommend the US Navy string an eruv around the entire border and seacoast of the U.S., with federal funding under the ‘Freedom to Schlep Act’;
(12) will double federal funding for the U.S. Holocaust Museum to $60 million, under the Shoah business slogan of ‘six gets you sixty’;
(13) will order the Library of Congress to annex the Balfour Declaration to the U.S. Declaration of Independence;
(14) proudly proclaim May 14th, the date of Israel’s founding, as a paid holiday for Congress and federal workers;
(15) endorse Israel’s right to proclaim victimhood 365 days a year and 366 days during leap years.
2. If you would like to add items to either the “Whereas” or “Resolved” sections, post them in the comments. If they are approved by the team here, I’ll add them to the body of the resolution.
::evil::
