I'd tell you my story, but you've already heard it. and lived it, i'll bet. My induction to the seed was under false accusation and planted evidence. Although I had smoked marijuana, et al, i could have passed a drug test when I entered. I didn't so much " quit drugs" as I just lost interest. I thought to myself that one more 3am conversation about Jimi Hendrix, I'm gonna jump! oddly enough, decades later I heard a Guitarist who used the same technique,as Jimi, except he turned it into music, instead of an awful squalling.
one of the worst things, was the fear for those around you. once I'd been identified as a seed inductee, teachers I'd known and liked would not meet my eye, would not speak. friends wouldn't either.
it was decades later that I learned that those teachers jobs had been threatened, that as afraid as i was of harming my friends by association, they were equally afraid of harming me. It is the perfect extortion racket. it was decades before i learned that my brother set me up, to protect himself.
However there's a lesson in this.They weren't after my brother, or pot, or even saving souls. (Demon,Demon Rum!)
What they wanted was a cadre of 'true believers'. In the aftermath, i've lived a high risk life, antidote, i suppose.
There are quite a few who say they have never been broken. Well, I was and I wasn't. My memory from those times,( normally eidetic) is shot full of holes. Sometimes I can only corroborate my memory by testimony of people who post here. Like the kid who ran full tilt through a second story plate glass window, or the kids on the verge of adult prison who wanted to go back to prison. Thought it was a better deal to serve their time than be property of the seed till they were 21. Stuff like that.
I think that it's important to remember that 'what happened' is a physiologic process, not a matter of courage. After all, if i stick a needle in your eye, will you re-act? If you don't, you are dead. If you are here now, if it upsets you still, i propose that neither you nor your conscience is dead. having lived a high- risk life* largely as a consequence ( naww, it don't take a hell of a lot of thought to follow through on that one! ) The point is, recognize evil, ( the human problem) deal with it. How? I don't know. But many and many, those of peculiarly, have faced it, and face it still.
*Occupationally, shot, shot at, stabbed, near about blown up, present at detonation, etc. Met 'the dead guy' near about 50 times, had folks offer to kill me more than once, ( they were sincere, at least), actually did have a price on me. ( 1500$ to put me in the hospital,no killing) ( what! I'm worth a nice stereo?)
J.O.M.
