Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > Hyde Schools

PLEASE HELP!!! Should I send my son to Hyde???

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Samara:
OK -  I did not get a chance to read your last post before sending my last post. This issue is more complex. I still would not send him to Hyde.  I highly recommend The Defiant Child for his anger/frustration/defiance with Delivered for ADD skills.  In fact, the doctor who wrote The Defiant Child is very compassionate. If you email him from the site, I would not be surprised if he e-mails you back with some ideas.

Are you the only target for your child's violent anger? It's not uncommon for Moms to get the brunt because they know Moms are unconditional. The reason I ask is because I am wonder if your spouse and another caretaker can take over for a few days. It might help you need to get away for a few days to rest, and then a few more days to research, make calls, go to the library, etc. AWAY from the turmoil. You might need a mental vacation to give yourself the emotional space to cope and strategize.

The problem with reaching a crisis point where you no longer feel safe is that it is easy to make rash decisions. I am sure your son is going through emotional hell as well - it never feels good to be out of control.We all want our children to develop good coping skills for emotional resilience and practical living.  It is just very tricky terrain.  Try The Defiant Child.I sincerely wish you and your son the best of luck; I know there are options and there are smart, thoughtful people on this board who may have some good ideas.

Ideas, anyone?

molly:
Hi Samara,

My husband and I have both read Driven by Distraction and we gained a lot of understanding from it.  We have not read The Defiant Child but I am going to order it from Amazon now.  Thank you so much for the suggestion.

Molly

Samara:
I think that Delivered from Distraction is better than his first book Driven because it offers more solutions.  One of my kids is younger but not really easy. He has improved a lot in the past few years, but The Defiant Child helped me not to treat him as a problem, and to think of us all on the same team. It takes a lot of personal discipline on my part to maintain a level of calm as a stressed single Mother, but it has helped with consistent use. I read it after my son punched me in the arm. He did it once and hasn't done it again, but I do notice the book helped me to deal with him more effectively and not fall into an adversarial trap.  I've done other things too to help him, but the book was instrumental in helping me change my approach and perspective, and realizing that certain response  patterns were not working so why cling to them?

Lots and lots of kids deal with these issues, and most don't go to programs.  Many eventually come out of it, and it may be a rough ride for awhile.  I can't tell you how many kids have loving relationships with their parents after some hellish years, so, don't get attached to negative future outcomes. Just say, today is a challenge. How can I meet it best?

none-ya:
Molly wrote:
"I stumbled upon a forum here that is primarily for people who have been terribly hurt by their educational experiences".

I don't think any of the survivors here consider their program an "educational experience". No more than jail or a mental hospital is an "educational experience". If you put him in a program you might not have him back at home until He's 18.
Remember these places reserve the right to "start" over or "shoot down"anyone at any time for any reason. You need to find survivors from Hyde, who are no longer afiliated with the program, whom the place can't hurt anymore and ask them.
Anybody who is still in the program and badmouths it ,is sure to be punished. Surely your not so nieve that you can't see that. Again, does He know what your'e planning? I guarantee He will hate you for it.

molly wrote:
"My husband and I have both read Driven by Distraction and we gained a lot of understanding from it."

You two should read Help at any cost by Maia Szalavits. Or rent Over the GW.

molly:
I've never heard of Delivered From Distraction but I'll find it and read it.  I have read a number of books by Ned Hallowell including When You Worry About the Child You Love and Positively ADD.

My son does know that we have been considering Hyde.  He, in fact, completed part of the application.  The only thing that has upset him about the place is the dress code and the fact that he would not be allowed to dye his hair.

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