I am new to this site and I have read everything posted from page 1 and I haven't seen any comments from parents who placed children in SAFE. If I overlooked it, I'm sorry but since I am one of those parents, I would like to contribute to this discussion. I could probably write a book on my feelings, good and bad, about SAFE, but will try to be concise. Our nightmare did not begin when we made the trip to Orlando-it began 2 to 3 years earlier. Our daughter was failing in school, getting into fights, skipping school and had no regard for our rules or feelings. Unfortunately, children don't come into this world with a set of instructions so we all have to "learn as we go" as it were. As parents we did everything we knew to do to change this behavior but no matter what we tried, nothing changed. if anything, things got worse.
We restricted, took away priviledges, even tried that good old fashioned spanking and nothing worked. The worst part is that we only knew a very small part of what was going on. That was probably a blessing at the time because looking back I don't know if I could have handled the reality. Upon finding evidence of possible marijuana use as well as sexual activity, we pursued various avenues for help. We were told about SAFE and a former SAFE parent in our area talked with me for hours about this program. Her son had actually graduated from STRAIGHT but she knew the tenets of the program. After much soul searching, we made the decision to give this a try. We made the trip to Orlando in the middle of the night with the assistance of a current parent. The night after making this trek, even though we were sad, scared, and unsure of what was to come, we were able to get a decent, uninterrupted nights sleep for the first time in a long time. We knew our daughter was at least safe (no pun intended)and secure.
There have been many comments about the structure;i.e. isolation from family, asking permission to do even the most basic tasks, etc. How do I feel about this as a parent? Well, let's see. Before my daughter went into this program she managed to always find a way to enable herself to do what she wanted to do. She could cry and "manipulate" (a familiar SAFE word?) to the point that we might give in to one of her wants which would usually lead to something totally different. She knew the tricks and used them well. Do you actually think I wanted to talk to this child on the phone so she could tell me how badly she was treated and how good she would be if we would just let her come home? I DON'T THINK SO!!! I didn't want to talk to her at this point. I just wanted some peace and sanity. However, if I had for one moment thought she was being abused or mistreated in any way I would have brought her home, problems and all. We wanted a solution to the problems, we didn't want our child mistreated. To this day I do not believe that during the period of time we were in the program, Sept. 1992 through March 1994, that there was any abuse by staff or anyone else. I have read all the posts by exsafe counselor and everything he has said was what we experienced. As parents of an out of town host home, our home was inspected and we were given instructions on how to handle situations with the clients. We were told in no uncertain terms that if a client tried to "cop out" that we could make reasonable attempts to prevent them from leaving but we could not use any type of restraint measures to keep them here. Frankly, I would have wanted someone to stop my child from running if that had happened. I would rather she be "tackled" and kept in a home than be out on the street where much worse could have happened. We were also instructed in proper restraint methods should they be necessary in the case of a client who became violent or acted out in some way which could cause harm to themselves or someone else. We spent a whole afternoon at "the building" learning techniques for taking someone to the floor in a way that was safe for the client as well as the parent. Again, this technique was only to be used in extreme cases of possible dangerous situations. Fortunately, we never had to do this. As for the staff--of course there were some I liked better than others. I think Loretta Parrish was not the best choice for program director. Again, I agree with ex about her. She was arrogant and haughty and very intimidating. I did not ever feel comfortable in her presence and was glad that I didn't have to encounter her very often. The Clinical Director was wonderful with the kids. She seemed to have nothing but their best interests in mind for recovery and successful completion of their program. I am a skeptical person and I ask lots of questions. Yes, there were some things that I didn't like nor did I agree with but as to abuse I never witnessed any client abused nor did I ever see any signs of physical abuse. As to the deprivation of basic human needs such as food and not allowing them to go to the bathroom, etc. this is something else that we were told as host home parents to NEVER do. HRS guidelines were quoted constantly. I thought it would be OK to withhold dessert from a client who didn't want to cooperate or be somewhat non-compliant and I was told that if the others were allowed to have dessert that I could not withhold it from anyone. Everyone had to be treated fairly. As to the "drugging" of clients-when we were there, medications of all types were carefully monitored. When my daughter needed medication for any reason, I had to be sure that I brought just the right amount and gave it to the nurse for distribution at the proper time. The only kids on drugs were the ones that took medication for medical reasons, none were "drugged up".
I could go on and on but my bottom line point is, we did what we thought was right at the time for our out of control child. Right or wrong that's all a parent can do. It's a crap shoot at best. I would have never left her there if I thought for one minute that she or anyone else was being mistreated in the ways that others on this sight have mentioned. We were one of the group that came in right after the change from STRAIGHT and we heard horror stories about STRAIGHT from parents who crossed over from one program to the other and even they said it was different. We were told that SAFE was intended to be a toned down version of STRAIGHT. Again, we all have our opinions but I commend the job that SAFE did during our time there. I do know from speaking with other parents that were there after we left that things did start changing and I understand that now it has really changed. I also don't think that the man who now owns this business should have a child in the program. My family including the daughter who went through the program, gained a lot of good from SAFE. I'm sorry that people had bad experiences with this or any other program. I think those responsible for the atrocities that have taken place should be held accountable and suffer whatever consequences the law deems appropriate. I do not condone mistreatment of any kind to anyone, child or adult. I would support anyone or any organization that would stand up to fight this type of treatment, but I can only speak for my family's experience and I can tell you in all honesty that we made the right decision. It was hard for us as well as for our daughter and she didn't do well after leaving the program but I also understand that relapse is part of recovery. She is almost 30 now and has 2 children and is a responsible, decent, productive member of society. Not perfect, but who is. After reading these posts I believe I know who the counselor is and if I am right I want to go on record as saying that this particular individual was very caring, compassionate and went above and beyond in their duties as a counselor and more than that, a friend to the kids in the program. I might go even further and say that this particular person would probably rank as #1 when it came to giving raps and explaining things to the parent group. I hope I'm right about the identity but even if I'm not, I still have fond memories of many of the staff at SAFE during our time there. Everyone's experiences are different and once again my heart goes out to those who had less than desirable experiences but for the most part I am pleased with our time spent in SAFE.
