Yes, Peterman was TOUGH, but I'm sure you weren't placed in a PROGRAM for your outstanding leadership as a young adult!
AS for the crapping in your pants - yuck. I was never denied using the bathroom, NOR was anyone else I ever witnessed at LIFE. Have you seen a Dr. about that??
I think you should admit you are powerless over your NASTY attitude and language, and come to believe a power greater than yourself can restore you to sanity. I did -- 20 or so years ago, and I'm a pretty happy person these days.