Kezzy---The problem with residential treatment programs for troubled teens is the same problem with finding a good Multi-Level Marketing program to invest in or work for: It *may* be possible to build a MLM program that's not a scam, it *may* be possible to run a "troubled teen" school that's not a scam, but when you get into a game where it's common and easy for con men to scam your money and only provide the superficial appearance of "help" and "improvement" to your teen---while ultimately leaving her worse---then chances are you're going to get scammed if you play their game *at all*.
The *first* thing you need to do is *you* and your wife go into family therapy with a *good* therapist who isn't just interested in telling you what you want to hear. Deal with your own problems---because anything in your daughter's behavior that's coming from some of *your* problems that are crazy-making for your daughter will not be fixed by lesser measures.
I don't always agree with Dr. Laura on everything, but she has some good advice on getting control of a troubled teen. Strip her room. Put all her clothes and stuff in a U-Store-It facility. Get her some cheap white T-shirts, cheapo jeans, cheap sneakers, plain white sheets, plain blankets, feed her plenty of nutritious but boring food.
You are legally required to provide a roof, adequate food, adequate clothing---take her down to the legal minimum and make her earn the rest back. But make it reasonable and *possible* for her to earn the rest back.
The difference between *you* doing that and some "program" doing that is that *you* will not, of course, deprive your child of adequate nutritious (even if boring) food, or needed medical care, or appropriate education----and a "program" very well might. Plenty of programs *have*.
If she gets violent with the family, call the police and press charges. Juvie is less damaging than many of these scam troubled teen schools---the cons are so good at conning, you aren't going to be able to tell the difference between a good school and a bad con.
Now, if your daughter has a major mental illness, like major depression, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia, which is making her violent, then she may need inpatient treatment for a limited time---but in a *real* mental hospital, not a restrictive boarding school full of underqualified pseudo shrinks.
If your daughter flunks repeated drug tests for a physically addictive drug or cocaine, or is an alcoholic, she may need inpatient treatment for a limited time---but in a *real* 12 step drug addiction program, not a restrictive boarding school full of underqualified pseudo shrinks.
If your daughter is not mentally ill or actually addicted, and is criminally violent at home anyway, then she is, sadly enough, better off in the juvenile criminal justice system---not a restrictive boarding school full of underqualified pseudo shrinks.
If she's not got a major mental illness, an actual drug addiction, and isn't committing actual criminal acts (not just status offenses), then residential treatment is a copout and an abdication of your responsibility to your child.
Nobody said teenagers were supposed to be fun to live with. Get your own psychological quirks in order, apply discipline by restricting her privileges, do your best to find a therapist she can form a rapport with, and if she's still a pill at eighteen, kick her out and let her learn from the school of hard knocks---it'll do her less harm in the long run than a bad scam program would.
Sure, programs will promise you phenomenal success rates----Too good to be true success rates---which is the best touchstone for a con-game known to mankind: "If it sounds too good to be true---it is."
Quit looking for "too good to be true" answers and cope. If it was easy, they wouldn't need you.
Not what you want to hear.
So? You're a grown up. Deal.
