Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > The Troubled Teen Industry
Looking for school advice
Anonymous:
You might also see if you can find a good family coach - there's something mentioned about one here, but can't seem to find it.
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2003-10-02 20:20:00, Anonymous wrote:
"You might also see if you can find a good family coach - there's something mentioned about one here, but can't seem to find it. "
--- End quote ---
Found it - http://www.arizonateenhelp.com/familycoaching.htm
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---On 2003-10-02 20:46:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
--- Quote ---
On 2003-10-02 20:20:00, Anonymous wrote:
"You might also see if you can find a good family coach - there's something mentioned about one here, but can't seem to find it. "
--- End quote ---
Found it - http://www.arizonateenhelp.com/familycoaching.htm"
--- End quote ---
Family Coach? Get real, this girl and her parents need professional therapy to help them with serious issues not some yahoo getting paid big bucks to teach them how to get in touch with their magical/inner child.
:scared:
Deborah:
You wrote:
My thought was to tell her that her moother and I will no longer nag at her about her school work. If she fails, she attends summer school or gets held back. She's old enough to know what she needs to do and do it. We will provide what the law requires an nothing more. We will buy her clothes when absolutely necessary but they won't be coming from Abercrombie, Foot Locker, etc. Kmart will do. We will provide her with nutricious food but she is old enough to cook it herself. Her clothes will be clean only if she does her own laundry. The law does not require that she does chores nor does it require that we give her money for movies and the like. If she wants money, then she can do jobs around the house for minimum wage. If she wants a ride somewhere then she will pay us 35 cents per mile. We are not required to provide her with internet access but she can have it as long as she pays part of the bill. The list can go on and on. She will have the freedom she wants as long as it does not disrupt the household and as long as she does not break any laws.
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Those are all great suggestions and would probably have been beneficial for your daughter if you'd had them in place all along....without the obvious resentment and desire to punish that you're currently exhibiting. It's not her fault that you have allowed her a free ride, so to speak. She is a product of your parenting.
A parent should never do anything for a child that they are able to do themselves. My sons could cook when they were six and enjoyed doing it. Did their own laundry early- started with folding and progressed to the full task. They kept their room clean, or not. When it became uncomfortable for me, I did pull the parent trump and required it and gave a deadline for completion. As members of OUR household (and a larger cooperative society) they were required to contribute at whatever developmental level they were capable. Yardwork, cleaning vehicles, planting and harvesting the garden, sorting recycling. There are household tasks for every aged child. And when presented appropriately, they actually want to participate. Contrary to popular belief, they are not lazy and unmotivated. Helpless and hopeless might be more honest.
I got some flack, but overall they accepted it and for the most part enjoyed it. We frequently went to dinner and a movie after a big day of spring cleaning and all looked forward to it. It did help that I compiled a list of tasks that were required for a smooth running household. I put my name next to the tasks that they couldn't do and they chose between themselves which they would take, or alternate doing.
They are more than just "housemates". They are our children. But, we do them a grave disservice by not allowing (call it expecting if need be) them to take a full role.
Work is good. See if you can line up some jobs for her with neighbors and family. Don't strand her, help her brainstorm her talents and abilities. Teens need to feel they are contributing in a meaningful way. There aren't many opportunites to do that these days. We don't even have paper routes anymore. But, you could take one and have her get up with you at 3 and be done in time for school.
And about school. Chances are she's not going to turn things around and be granted a scholarship. Don't anx. It's 2203 on planet Earth. Anyone who wants to go to college can do so, no matter how bad their high school transcript looks. My son had to work for a couple of years to decide "for himself" that he wanted a college education. He worked at Taco Bell, Laid wood floors, worked the loading area at McCoys Lumber, and his last job which he really loved was on a survey crew. No external motivation is necessary because college is what HE chose and wants for himself. Was it easy. No. Always in the back of my mind I worried that he'd job hop the rest of his life. But, worst case scenerio, had he, well there ARE worse things. And it would be his choice, one that he could change at anytime.
I think many parents are just afraid to let their kids learn from their mistakes. And too many teens do not contribute in their homes or in society. I was talking to a mom of a 16 yr old girl. She doesn't know how to do ANYTHING. She doesn't even flush the toilet after herself !! That's not even "privledged" it's disabled!!! How can a parent be angry at the child for this???
Help your daughter find some creative outlets for her high voltage teen energy. But, don't punish her for your mistakes. Admit them, apologize for short changing her, and begin the dialogue about what you BOTH want and need to create a harmonious household and a constructive future for her. This is not rocket science. It doesn't even require a professional. It requires a sincere effort on your part to want to help her master her environment. You have to get honest about where you've failed her and make a comittment to right that wrong, and without resentment. She doesn't deserve your anger. Vent your anger elsewhere.
I hope you don't give up. That is not what any teen/child needs to have modeled for them...ever.
Anonymous:
--- Quote ---
Family Coach? Get real, this girl and her parents need professional therapy to help them with serious issues not some yahoo getting paid big bucks to teach them how to get in touch with their magical/inner child.
:scared: "
--- End quote ---
Thank you for letting them know what they need :wink: .
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