How do you feel towards your parents?

[Maximilian]

When I first arrived at the program I was not prepared for the fact that I wouldn't be able to manipulate my way out, or how restrictive it would be. So this made me pretty angry and I felt mad at my parents, not right away. I thought perhaps it was all a big misunderstanding. So I wrote to my parents asking them to please take me home, because the program I was at was not fun or helping me at all. They wrote me back to stick it out, and that I would not get pulled from the program early. This made me pretty angry with them, I wrote them some mean letters in response, and basically said we are through, don't write me and I won't write you. I don't have a family anymore. Well that didn't last too long, I eventually started writing again.

When I got out of the program I was still pretty angry. But after time passed the anger subsided and I began to look at my experience from other points of view, other than my own. Then it began to make sense, why other people would believe it was necessary for me. I get it now, and the anger has been replaced with gratitude. I don't feel anger at all towards my parents about the program anymore, mostly I feel grateful they were willing to put their foot down and, at least, keep me safe for as long as they were legally able to. I wasn't some innocent kid being sent to a program by rich parents who didn't want their kid anymore. My family suffered tremendously in order to pay for the program, and while they were sacrificing their cherished items they were required to sell in order to pay for the program, I was condemning them in letters. It must of been very difficult for them, I realize this now.

So a little while ago I decided the only way to get past my guilt in this, was to pay back every cent they spent on the program.When I was  troubled teen living with my family, all I did was take. I never gave anything other than hardship towards the people around me. So I began saving money towards paying them back for the program, and although it will probably take me a while, I think it's an attainable goal. I hope to present my parent with the check before they die, which hopefully will not be for a very long time. We have since reconciled and the program is now but a memory, and I haven't told them that I feel guilty for forcing them to send me away, and to suffer financially for it.  I will feel a lot better about myself when I can give my parent this money back, and perhaps make right something I did wrong some time ago.

I was wondering how other people feel towards their families. Feel free to post your own feelings about your family in this thread.

[Samara]

I am very close to my parents. It was my Dad who refused to send me back to Cedu after I split. He heard all the BS from them, but he had a weird gut feeling and followed it. He his not a big fan of group think, forced conformity, or pseudo-therapeutics anyway. (He also didn't like having to re-enact the part of a blooming flower for parent sessions. )

My relationship with my Mom was good, but after having children, some resentment cropped up. As a mother, I could not understand her choices. It is more complex than my quick little tidbit, but one thing that erased the last vestige of resentment was her ability to finally discuss and validate my feelings toward CEDU. Validation can be very healing. I know that many people here do not get it from family. The family simply can't face the fact that their "solution" was traumatic and carried lifelong scars.  

I never blamed her for sending me there. She had no idea wtf was going on. But I hated having to pretend it didn't happen and it didn't hurt.

[Samara]

PS I think the program owes my parents money. It was all BS from the word "go."

[DannyB II]

Well, my resentment started few years before my first institution and ended around my 40 birthday. So all in all about 32 years of frustration, confusion, anger/rage, sadness and tears.
Why???
Finally had that big, "no holes barred" conversation in Florida with my parents, all alone with them. It actually went very calmly, with a lot of tears but the truth finally came from the mouths of my parents. No coincidence, I was mature enough to hear it.
The biggest emotion I had a problem with was rejection, I felt this horribly. Being told you are different from my other siblings, so you have to go away. I was no different at all, just very much younger. My parents were tired of dealing with the "effect". So they shipped my sister and I off as soon as they could.
Well the experiment did not work out that well, for me anyway.

[SharonMcCarthy]

I feel my parents were highly manipulated by the program, and the promises they were given. I have no resentment anymore for my parents. If anything I have been able to see they only desired for me to have a better future. I feel bad for my folks having to tolerate my anger and nastyness for years after placement. I am just happy now I can finally see eye to eye with my parents.

[NoOneNew2]

The best thing about being an adult, for me, is not having to attempt to depend on undependability.  I like my parent as people, and I did prior to placement.  They are affable, just not good parents.

Today, my mom and I see each other once every few years.   We have a pleasant conversation over dinner, and then one of us goes back to our respective coast.   I see my father a bit more often.  I live in a city, so when he travels here for work, sometimes, we have dinner.   He sees his grandkid, and I get a few laughs.  My father is a great story teller.  I am not close to either of my parents.  

It is my opinion that parents who consider placing an adolescent in remote facilities with little-to-no safe guards in place have non-trivial mental health issues.   In the very rare occasion, I am at a dinner party and I hear someone mentioning a student being shipped to one of those places, the next piece of information is always about how fucked up the parents are.   Not because the gossiper believes the school is bad, but because of the commonly held belief that poor parenting choices lead to kids with problems.   Even when I was a student at one of these ignoble institutions, I certainly recognized that nearly all the students could have benefited, including me,  from parents who just tried harder to be good parents, or a least descent people.

[iamartsy]

21 years later...I still don't' trust any member of my family. They also still feel I am "manipulating" them. They try to tell me that some "good" came from it, but more damage than good came out of it.

[DannyB II]

The best thing about being an adult, for me, is not having to attempt to depend on undependability.  I like my parent as people, and I did prior to placement.  They are affable, just not good parents.

Today, my mom and I see each other once every few years.   We have a pleasant conversation over dinner, and then one of us goes back to our respective coast.   I see my father a bit more often.  I live in a city, so when he travels here for work, sometimes, we have dinner.   He sees his grandkid, and I get a few laughs.  My father is a great story teller.  I am not close to either of my parents.  

It is my opinion that parents who consider placing an adolescent in remote facilities with little-to-no safe guards in place have non-trivial mental health issues.   In the very rare occasion, I am at a dinner party and I hear someone mentioning a student being shipped to one of those places, the next piece of information is always about how fucked up the parents are.   Not because the gossiper believes the school is bad, but because of the commonly held belief that poor parenting choices lead to kids with problems.   Even when I was a student at one of these ignoble institutions, I certainly recognized that nearly all the students could have benefited, including me,  from parents who just tried harder to be good parents, or a least descent people.

Salute!!!!!!!