Hello there, thank you for taking an interest in this topic. I am going to talk about in this thread how a program managed to save my life, and why it was absolutely necessary. Let me first say, I don't claim every teen should be sent to a program. I was a particularly troubled teen, and my family tried all the local options first. Being sent to a program for myself, was truly the end of the line, the absolute and final option. The program saved my life, pulling along myself as an unwilling participant, kicking and screaming, desperate to end their own life, through extensive drug use and extremely suicidal behaviors.
Fornits has a lot of threads recently about drama between members here, satire and claims and counter claims. To a new poster here, these threads are gibberish and mean nothing to them. So in this thread, I am going to focus on my experience, how things really were in my experience, and working hard to be honest with myself even if it causes self incrimination and repudiation. I am willing to be open, in the name of honesty, because I don't post here with an agenda. I'm sure some people will read what I write, and my experiences, and conclude I was held captive against my will, even abused, and ultimately brainwashed into the current damaged and/or mentally ill person I am today. But other people will read it, and understand and empathize with the honest accounts of my own experiences, and come to their own conclusion that I am trying my best to be accurate in both my presentation and representation of all my various experiences, and ultimate conclusions based on them.
I deserved, and desperately needed to be sent to a program. That statement would of made me uncomfortable to say a few years ago. It was more comfortable to think of myself as a victim of outside forces, my parents, the program, and society. I worked hard to fill my mind with information to corroborate this blame, and it works, for a while. But my deep desire to find the truth in my own experiences ultimately led to another realization, and that is that if I had been left to my own devices, I would have killed myself with drugs or my behaviors. My parents tried therapy and I would sit their quietly, happy in the thought of wasting their money and making the therapist angry. When I was caught with drugs and alcohol I was sent to a residential state run program, but manipulated my way out, by running away. Because they didn't have a policy for that, run, and you're free. So I was my parents problem again. I kept using, kept stealing, kept doing whatever I felt like and finally my parents had enough. They sent me where I could not manipulate my way out, or run away, or sit there and be silent and waste their money. They sent me to a program.
I was angry, and tried my best to get out through any means necessary. I used some disgusting tactics, that I am not proud of, but I am willing to be honest at the lengths I was willing to go in order to get what I want. The program stood firm, the first people to ever do this to me. I fought more, and they continued to stand firm. Eventually I realized it wasn't going to work, and changed my tactics of self destruction and opened my ears a bit to what they had to say. But I was never brainwashed as described on this forum, I was not ready then to admit that they had in fact just saved my life. It took some time of careful deliberation and thinking, and the most painful thing, to admit I was wrong. I was not a victim of anybody, only a victim of my extremely detrimental and self destructive choices. This was a hard pill to swallow, but accepting something like this is easy, because it feels completely true with everything I am. So here I am today, alive, and well, all because my parents had the fortitude to stick with the program, through all my manipulative communications and threats I sent them, they stood firm and told me no. No, you can not have the freedom to destroy yourself while you are still my child.
What can I say? I am more grateful than anyone can possibly imagine. I never thanked anybody at the program, for putting up with my constant bullshit and manipulations. But I did get a chance to thank my parents for saving my life, years after the fact, when I realized this truth after maturing and developing the ability to be honest with myself. I am not saying this is the experience of everybody who posts here. I can only speak for myself. I was a very troubled teen, on a unstoppable path of self destruction. It took a secured and tightly controlled program to keep me from accomplishing this fatal goal. This is my experience, and this is my truth. Perhaps I am the only person that has had this experience, I really can't speak for others. But I want to share my experience on this forum, and with other people who experienced, because I can and because it's true. Thank you for reading this. Remember, my intent in posting this is not to offend anyone. It is only to share my own opinions on my own experience. Let's show new fornits users what this forum can be like, and keep this thread civil. I promise to act civil, if you do. It's time to move fornits, to a more mature conversation. Join me, and let's get to work.
