Strikes Close to Home..

[Che Gookin]

Right.. I'm currently dealing with a problem that involves someone I know through a very close friend. Here is the situation:

1) 12 year old boy.. slightly disabled due to being legally deaf.
2) Orphaned.
3) His father and mother were both very abusive to him for the last several years.
4) The parents we both recently killed in a car wreck that claimed the life of the maternal grandmother and his sister.
5) His one aunt and one uncle both have families and are very busy with their own lives.

Right now he's living with the uncle. He is acting out almost daily in a variety of manners. The uncle is thinking of sending him to a TBS. My friend contacted me and I've spoken with the Uncle on skype, no easy process given the shitty connection I have with the states, and the Uncle is willing to entertain other options. No matter how hard I pushed I was unable to convince the uncle that the kid is going through a phase in which he's angry and feeling abandoned and that with time and patience the kid will move on and learn to cope with his anger on his own.

The uncle is convinced the kid is going to burn down the house, due to a threatening letter the kid wrote.

The aunt lives across the country in a very small apartment with no real way to take the kid in as she just doesn't have any room for him.

What suggestions do you all have? If I had a place in the US and a steady job I'd consider taking the kid in myself, but being a semi-nomadic vagrant ESL teacher doesn't lend itself to stability.

Any ideas?

[Eliscu2]

:poison:

[Ursus]

Is the kid seeing any sort of therapist or social worker? Preferably someone completely outside of any agency, school, or governmental program... Also, is there some kind of big-brother-type mentoring available in the kid's community? Just someone he could see maybe once or twice a week for an hour or two, to help take off the edge...

It sounds like he has a lot of justifiable anger. Some role models for learning how to express it or deal with it more appropriately, or time to grow out of it on his own, might help...

[Samara]

Wish I could take him... I'd be good with the deaf thing too - just got a cochlear implant. Poor kid. he needs love, understanding and a target and catharsis for his justifiable rage. A TBS is a bad option. In addition to all our prejudices against TBS's,  it would compound his sense of abandonment. I wish his Uncle could commit to this kid and maybe get some support as a caregiver.   This kid needs to be loved and wanted. Wonder if his uncle could find a "cool" older brother type mentor as well - not a family member. Maybe through the Big Brother organization?

Also, his Uncle could go to a grief counselor and get some info there. Usually, the school district has a list of counselors who specialize in certain areas such as grief or abuse.  

Drums could be good.  Percussion is good for the deaf!  And anger.

[Samara]

I just PM'd your bro, but deafness will compound the kid's sense of isolation if he does not have the right devices and resources. All too often, deaf and hard of hearing people take on a persona of being more handicapped and helpless than they need to be. If not taught, they may not learn effective communication and cue-reading skills.  I don't know if the uncle has the financial resources to get assistive devices and communication therapies, but he can go to chchearing.org, hearnow.org, and hearingloss.org for more info. They may be able to point him to free services in their region.

[Che Gookin]

Fuck, just got an email from the uncle. The kid apparently went off the deep end and beat the shit out of some other kid on the bus. Looks like the Uncle is completely sold on a program now.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah... damn it.

[Che Gookin]

What is the best list of dead kids from programs? I remember TAUSA used to have one, do they still have it? I'm going to make sure Uncle dearest knows just how dangerous these places are. This asshole is going to get this kid killed if he isn't careful.

[BuzzKill]

http://http://teenadvocatesusa.homestead.com/tribute1.html

Also, if he is that serious a problem they can file a beyond control petition with their state. This will not create any kind of juvi record but will get the kid in front of a judge and result in an assigned social worker. If the social worker happens to be a good one, this will open the door to many low cost or even free therapeutic services. Some are very good others crap - but none are private for profit residential hell holes.

Push Maia's book.

Explain the money motive.

Edit to add - didn't see about the assault on the school bus. This will get him in front of a judge. Request a guardian as-litum (spelling?) for the boy and a referral to a good PTSD/ anger management therapist/child psychologist.

Besides Help at Any cost also push The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog - very good at explaining what makes angry kids and how to help them.

[Pile of Dead Kids]

What is the best list of dead kids from programs?

Not like any of us has one in his sig or anything.

(Buzz's is much larger, but goes back far longer.)

[Froderik]

I set the sigs to disabled....it makes the forum more readable.

[T-Rex]

http://www.asd-1817.org/
American School of the Deaf
American School for the Deaf High School Senior to Receive Kiwanis Club Award ... 139 North Main Street West Hartford, CT 06107 (860) 570-2300

This school has been a savior for many, I can only hope they can offer some assistance to your friend and his situation.

[Che Gookin]

thanks for the advice, but no dice. The kid was escorted to a program, I'm not sure which one yet, as of yesterday.

meh.. damn.. that could have been me about 20 years ago.

blah.