http://www.elanschool.com/featured.phpFeatured Graduate
Fred Name: Fred "The Kid" K
Age: 28
Graduated from Elan School: 1997
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
Probably too many to count, but I wasn’t achieving in school and refused to go to school. I had started to drink and smoke cigarettes in 6th grade, was physically violent towards my family and classmates, stealing from just about anywhere, and hanging out with the wrong people. What is probably the worst part is that I was doing all of this prior to turning 13. I really was on a path to nowhere and really didn’t care about anything including myself.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
Prior to Elan, I did have a lot of friends, but I turned my back on the good influences and gravitated towards the older and bad influences in general. I realized that a big part of what influenced my actions were my friends and also the fact that I had unresolved feelings about being adopted. I alienated myself from my family prior to Elan and I now have a much better relationship with my family now then when I was growing up.
Elan helped me understand where my issues were and take a long look at myself and what I really wanted. It is with the guidance of the Elan staff that helped me get to where I am now.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Even at 13 and being shipped from Chicago, IL to Poland, Maine I knew then I had to make a change. I knew that if I kept going down the path that I had chosen that juvenile detention or worse was not far off. I made the internal decision early on to embrace Elan for better or for worse and it was probably the best decision of my life. While being at Elan is intensive, I loved the school, the program, and the staff. The only thing I honestly regret doing is not staying longer at Elan. I still stay in contact with some of the staff members who I look at as extended family and still help when I can with the athletic program.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
Elan helped me understand where my issues were and take a long look at myself and what I really wanted. It is with the guidance of the Elan staff that helped me get to where I am now.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
After I left Elan I still had some high school to finish up. I attended Kents Hill College Prep located in Kents Hill, ME where I graduated on the honor roll. I went on to attend Assumption College in Worcester, MA and graduated with a B.A. in history and a minor in political science. I have since gone on to work in the technology field for a company called Memento Security. I am a regional account manager and sell enterprise anti-fraud solutions to financial institutions and live in Boston, MA.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
Work ethic. You really do have to earn everything out in the real world and Elan makes that crystal clear but more importantly prepares you for it. Elan also taught me how to stand up for what’s right and how to hold people accountable. The most important thing I think though was being able to deal with and control my feelings. In my experience, you are always going to have the same feelings and reactions to certain things, as long as you control your reaction and deal with those feelings properly, life becomes a lot easier.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
Plain and simple, my athletic accomplishments; People don’t realize right off the bat the Elan has an elite athletic program and athletic director who holds a Master’s Degree in sports science. There are not many schools in Maine in general that can say that. I was lucky enough to be coached by this person for three sports, Cross Country, Track, and Basketball. I became a M.A.I.S.A.D. individual and team champion and Maine Regional and State Champion in cross country and track and also had a very successful basketball career as well. Winning a state championship and competing in the Junior Olympics was definitely the highlight of my entire high school career.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
My advice is talk to other parents and to go and see the school. The best thing you can do is to see the school in person, and let the process work. Elan is not like most schools and it is a BIG decision to send your child to a boarding school most likely in a different state from where you currently live. You have the best staff members who have made this school their life’s work who will give your child the tools to be a productive member of society once again.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
The advice I would give is to take it one day at a time. When I arrived at Elan when I was 13, I was scared and completely overwhelmed. Trust that the students and faculty are there to help you, but understand that they are not going to hold your hand and you are going to have to earn your privileges. Remember that the people around you are just like you so if you try to put up a front or something, everyone see’s right through it. You are going to have to face who you are, so make your life easier and start from day one, you’ll see the payoff.
Do you still think about Elan?
There isn’t a day that goes by I don’t think about Elan. I almost worked at Elan after I graduated college and try to support the school in any way that I can whether it be trying to help students get funding or making a trip up to check in the Elan Buccaneers Cross Country Team. It is a great place, and a place that I look at as home.
Where is your Elan Diploma?
Hanging up in my office right under my college diploma.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
GO BUCS!!!
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
Name: Marvin R
Age: 23
Graduated from Elan School: 2003
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
The reason I got sent to Elan was because I wasn't going to school, I didn't listen to my parents, I was using drugs, hanging out with the wrong group of people, easily influenced, and really didn't care about my future. My dad sent me to Elan because, he felt like “I was going to end up in jail or end up dead.”
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
I always loved my family and friends but, by going to Elan and graduating from the school I honestly felt like I built a stronger and loving relationship with my family and friends. It gave me an understanding of who my real “friends” were and not to hang out with those that tried to drag me down.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Honestly I had a lot of mixed feelings. I didn't believe it was happening. At first I thought my dad did it to scare me. I hated it, I felt lonely, cold, isolated, distant, disowned, embarrassed, the black sheep of the family, not loved but then I realized what I was there for. I came to the realization that this was the best thing for me. I can honestly say I always did better when I was away from home. Once Elan grew on me I respected it more and more over a long period of time. It made me who I am today and I still talk to some of my peers that I lived with still to this day.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
I feel Great! I'm doing my own thing and loving my life. I never really was a problem at Elan, I did what I was told and listen to the faculty/staff and my peers always. It just prepared me more for the world now that I look back on it. It was an experience I could never explain to a person if they didn't live it themself. I'm thankful for my dad making the right choice even though at the time I was mad at him. it all paid off in the long run.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
Well, after Elan I went straight to Prep school for a year at New Hampton Prep School. Where I played basketball and football for the Varsity A team and started. That was a beautiful experience as well. I really enjoyed being at that school. Then I worked at a Community Center at the Mashantucket Pequot Tribal Community Center, for two years with youth kids and gave back to the community. I had to get certified in order to work there which was a good experience in my life. Now I'm in my Sophomore year at Morehouse College and my concentration is Business Management.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
I gained many skills at Elan but the main skills that stand out to me are my people skills. I view the world different. I have worked on my social skills. I worked on my leadership skills when I was Coordinator helping to run the house and having to meet certain time limits. I developed my Interpersonal skills, and my Intra personal skills by understanding the big picture and what Elan was really bringing to the table for me. Finally, being able to hold my peers accountable which was a big problem in the past, I dealt with at Elan.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
My fondest memory has to be Graduation! I always had my mind made up that I was going to Graduate but I never knew when. It could have been so easy for me to sign out at 18 years old but, I decided to do what was hard. I always tell myself “my mother didn't raise no quitter.” My family was so proud of me but I was even more proud of myself. They say, “Only you can do it but, you can't do it alone”, and now I truly understand what that means. If it wasn't for my friends holding me accountable and the faculty/staff confronting me in groups. I would have never seen that day of Graduation. I still remember till this day being in groups with Pete Rowe. He told us to look to our right and to our left and know that one of us were not going to make it to Graduation, and from that day on I told myself “its not going to me.”
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
I'm going to be honest Elan does not work for everyone. I seen people come and go including family members. I can only speak for myself it worked for me and I appreciate every day of my stay. If I could give any advice yes, it's a good school, it's a great way to gain a relationship with your child. I feel like without Elan I would have not made it in this world so it was a savior for me. I respect everything Elan has done for me and my family
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Do what you are told and gain as much knowledge as you can from your peers, the faculty and the staff. Understand you are there to build a relationship with your family. it's not a school where you go and hang out at. Get in touch with your real feelings. Find out who you really are and what you want to do with your life after Elan. I graduated from Elan after 2 years and a couple months. Time goes by fast. Understand the tough guys never knew if, you want freedom there is freedom at Elan. You have to do the right thing and be in the right position in order to witness the freedom. Elan is what you make of it, it feels good to run the house and have people look up to you. To be able to give advice to people in the program, to be able to relate at night with some of your friends. You have to be each other's crutches. There is a saying, “Pull your brother up before he pulls you down."
Do you still think about Elan?
Yes, I always think about Elan. Elan is with me until my dying day. I remember it like yesterday - I was just coming into the program from St. Thomas Moore Prep school at 15 soon to be 16 years old. Elan has a lifetime affect on me everything I do. Matter of fact, I went to visit Elan just before I started College.
Where is your Elan Diploma?
My Elan diploma is hanging up on my dad's wall in the living room.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
Name: Ursula H
Age: 37
Graduated from Elan School: 1989
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
Behavior problems in school and at home.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
My relationship with my parents was almost non-existent prior to Elan due to the fact that I had been adopted at the age of 8 and had already been in over 30 foster homes. It was just very hard for me to connect with them and feel that I was really a part of their family. Going to Elan taught me how to understand why I reacted to certain things and why I was so angry. I gained a better understanding of myself and how to gain control over my emotions. My relationship with my mother (as my father passed away back in 1990 - just one year after I graduated) is an extremely close one today. She respects the person that I have become and she is actually proud of the way we interact overall. I think having the ability to look deep within yourself and really dissecting the root of the problem, will allow you to face yourself when it seems that you yourself can be your own deterrent. I love my family…it’s the single most important part of my life and who I am!
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Being at Elan was a safe haven for me…I never really belonged anywhere and I found acceptance there. I learned to like myself and others while I was there. I learned that I actually possessed the necessary tools needed to be successful in this world….and the ability to accept responsibility for my own actions. My favorite staff member-mentor (may God rest his beautiful spirit) was Ralph Maldonado. He was so encouraging and constantly reiterated to me that being a minority was a blessing because it forced us to work that much harder to gain respect from others. Also within that process, we learned just how much strength we have as individuals. He told me that I was a determined young lady and that he knew that no matter how far I went in life that I would go until I couldn’t go anymore. He knew that I wouldn’t give in. I have lived my life almost to the exact…I am very dedicated and determined to succeed at whatever I do-through God’s grace.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
I am proud to say that I was a student/resident at Elan. Elan changed my life. Elan brought out of me what no one else was allowed to see-and that was the real me. I tell everyone that I went to this exquisite boarding school in Maine. Elan is and always will be very dear to me in many ways. The friendships, good and bad, the accountability, the acknowledgement that even though I was a handful-there were many hands still available. Elan was structured the way it needed to be at that time. I was rewarded for genuine effort and scolded for lack of effort. As a mother, that works for me!!!
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
Well, I wandered for some time after Elan, trying to find a place to fit in. I made some bad decisions, had my daughter when I was 19 and struggled for some time-all of which groomed me to be the person I am today. I eventually moved back to the mid-west and found my place in Columbus Ohio where I have been for almost 16 years. Being an adolescent was a very confusing time, I really didn’t know why I did the things I did. As an adult, I know that the lessons I learned during those times were very instrumental for me in becoming a valuable asset to society.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
I learned that I should never forget my past so I can remember how far I have come. I learned to analyze things on a deeper level and I learned how to express myself and to be truthful to myself.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
The relationships I built there. The sense of belonging and understanding. I will never forget the sports, swimming, field trips, and the accomplishments that I made. Joe Ricci hired me during my last few months at Elan to work in the office and even offered me the job once I graduated, which I declined. I really needed to find my own way, on my own terms. I appreciated learning that I was in control of my destiny…how true that was!
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
Tough love is very difficult when it comes to your child, but you only get so many chances to get it right. You can never fail unless you fail to try. My mother sending me to Elan was the best thing she could have ever done for me. I knew it then (even with my resistance at times). During our teen-age years, we don’t what is best for us, we haven’t really lived yet. We rely on our parents to know what it would take to give us a fighting chance at surviving in this very difficult world. My advice would be to love your child enough to know that they need most what they are most inclined to resist and that is change. Take the effort to help change the thought process of your child and believe that the probability of change in the behavior will be imminent.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Take a deep breath…nothing good comes easy. Take the good with the bad. Be proud of the opportunity you have been given. As an adult, bad decisions don’t just go away, you are held accountable for every error in judgement that you make. It’s important to learn how to make clear, concise decisions based on rational rather than irrational thinking. These are the tools you will learn at Elan. Learn your strengths and weaknesses and you will be better equipped at enforcing those strengths and controlling if not eliminating the weaknesses.
Do you still think about Elan?
ALL THE TIME!!!!!! Elan was my home…Elan was my family, Elan was my last chance to get it right-and it worked for me, God is the creator of our destiny but we make the decisions on whether we choose what he has for us.
Elan is a topic of conversation that I have with my 2 children, Gabrielle (18) and Bryden (6) all the time. I am grateful for having had a place like Elan and the caring compassionate mentors they placed within that establishment. It didn’t always seem fair, but that was also a reflection on how life really is. Once you leave Elan, there really are no surprises. Life takes you on a ride-you determine where you want to go!
Where is your Elan Diploma?
I have my diploma on my dresser in my bedroom, but my plaque is in my mother’s home in Florida to remind her that her efforts were not in vain.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
“Reach high, the best is always kept upon life’s top most shelf
We have to stand on tiptoe- stretch our small self-centered selves
We have to look above our heads to where our hearts can see
If we would like that finer life we’d like our lives to be
We have to mount our old mistakes and try and try again
If we want to even reach life’s finer moments now and then
Reach high the best is always kept upon life’s top most shelf
But not beyond our reach, if we would reach beyond ourselves!”
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
Elan is a unique program, and that uniqueness makes it more effective than most other residential facilities. Not only did it help Ursula to understand the relationship between her behaviors and their consequences, therefore teaching her to anticipate consequences before taking action. It also brought out her best abilities academically. In the school setting, she was finally able to live up to her potential. The time Ursula spent at Elan helped her to mature, to know that she was an intelligent, capable person, and to form good relationships. Even though she made many mistakes in the years following her stay at Elan, she never settled for less than she knew she was capable of. It is also important to mention that she really loved the program, has fond memories of being there, and has repeatedly stated that it was one of the best things we did for her.
Today, so many good residential programs have shut down because of lack of funds, leaving only the programs for either severely delinquent or seriously mentally ill adolescents. It is very important to get information about the Elan program to as many professionals and parents as possible.
Ulrike (Rikki) Harris Jones.
Name: Lindsey G
Age: 22
Graduated from Elan School: 2005
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
I had many learning problems as a kid and was put in special education schools which helped me learn but what I focused on was that I felt stupid and having to be in a special school made me feel awkward with other kids. This caused me to avoid school. When I was enrolled in a public high school, I used it as an opportunity to do whatever I wanted which meant never going to school. Finally, I was demoted from 10th grade and soon after that asked not to come back. I had issues with the authority of my parents and a lack of respect for them. i was physically and verbally abusive to my family and self-destructive towards myself. I started avoiding home and staying at friend's houses without informing my parents where I was. In return, they were always worried about me and I am sure they thought the worst.
I have been in lots of therapy, on lots of medication and diagnosed with various "personality issues." I could not express my emotions and would cry almost uncontrollably when I was either in therapy and asked something or challenged in some way. I was smoking and experimenting with drugs from 12 years old. I was socially awkward with no boundaries and I acted obnoxious and wild; I was the "crazy girl."
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
Before Elan I couldn't stand to be near my parents or have them ask me questions as simple as how my day was. I would yell for no reason and act out if the slightest thing didn't go my way. My friends were all people that I hung out with because I thought they were like me, and we all accepted ourselves doing things that were well above our age group, and of course, some things illegal. I did not care about most of them. I had stolen items such as money from both my parents and my "friends."
Now I am picky with my friends! I value relationship substance where I am able to have fun, but not feel like I need to get out of control. Now my family is great and supportive, and I am a part of that. I accepted the issues of the past and realized there is nothing I can do about them, so I stopped being so angry at them.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
When I arrived at Elan I had no idea where I was or what this program was about; I didn't even know I was at a program! Or what one was. Soon I realized I could no longer do what I wanted. There were endless rules I had to follow and obligations to this "house" of people where I knew no one. I soon realized that I was in a place where I could express myself and my emotions. Elan was the first place where I felt safe.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
I feel that if I had to go through Elan to be the person I am today, then yes -- I am glad I went to Elan.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
After leaving Elan I decided not to go back to New York and live with my family but moved to Florida. First, I attempted a culinary school which did not suit me, so I pursued the work force for a while. Realizing that wasn't going to give me the future I wanted, I started attending Community College, where I am currently. I have almost completed this program and am planning to attend Florida State University in the fall where I plan to pursue a degree in Social Work.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
Elan helped me gain confidence in myself and know who I am. Leaving Elan I understood who I was and why I did the things I did to land me there. I am completely different and all the people I tell my story cannot picture me as that person. Which is the way it should be.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
My fondest memories of Elan are winning a Cross Country State Championship and graduating Elan; it was a long time coming!
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
Sending a child away is very difficult. It is a selfless act. For a long time there will be no gratitude. Parents can never fully understand what their child is going through there, and my advice would be to listen to them, because Elan is dealing with them now, and you can love them and be interested in how they are progressing without the same kind of stress you had to endure when your child was at home.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
At Elan it is a battle every day. Every day you can choose how you want to be, how you want your life to go. Everybody gets broken down into who they really are at Elan. Most people do not like that person. The good thing about it is that everybody also has an opportunity to build a stronger self. Take what you don't like and fix it, keep what you like and let it evolve. People always say Elan is "where I grew up" and that is really true.
Do you still think about Elan?
Yes. Not too much though!
Where is your Elan Diploma?
In my room.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Elan is not guaranteed to change lives. Only if students see something in their lives they want to change, it becomes easy.
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
My parents say they are very grateful that I went to Elan. They do not know where I would be without the help I received and thank you!
Name: Karen M
Age: 22
Graduated from Elan School: 2004
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
I had a really bad attitude toward my family, school, and to myself. I was hanging out with older kids and not respecting my parent’s rules. I got kicked out of school my eight grade year. I had been to two programs before Elan. Throughout both, I was manipulative and still did not take my life seriously. I was very disconnected from reality. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting the people around me; yeah I had a lot of growing up to do!
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
Well my relationships before Elan were non-existent. I was very selfish; therefore I was not able to keep up healthy relationships. My lack of boundaries allowed me to use others as well as be used by them. I had no sense of what commitment, trust, and love meant. All very important components that form healthy relationships. My relationships have changed immensely after I left Élan. I am more confident in myself, which for one allows me to take risks and make relationships with people. In Elan I learned my weaknesses, this has helped me keep healthy relationships and discard those that aren’t healthy for me. I have a great relationship with my family now! I never thought I would feel this comfortable around them, but I do and I’m loving it!
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
I did not like being at Elan at first. I thought I could handle things on my own and I didn’t need to be there. I would daydream about all the things I was missing at home. By the time I had been at Elan for about 2 years and was turning 18, I started to realize that Elan was where I had true friends. I had accomplishments, I had failures, I had great laughs, and I had never felt that safe anywhere else in my life.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
I thought there are many things that I got frustrated and upset with at Elan but I know that without that experience, I wouldn’t be who I am today. When I look back on my life and how I was acting at 12 years old it brings tears to my eyes. Who knows where I would’ve of ended up by age 18. So I am very thankful that I was at Elan, patching up my past to make my future what it is now.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
This is the fun part, bragging about all my accomplishments! ? Well after I left Elan I was able to attend my high school graduation. From there I went to a community college and worked while staying with my parents. This is where I met my fiancé. We have a beautiful two-year-old daughter and are attending Southern Illinois University in Carbondale. We are getting married on May 31st, 2008. We live on our own and are saving up to buy a house once we graduate! I am going to school to become a 2nd or 3rd grade teacher and am loving every minute of it. Ok well not every minute, its hard work!
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
I learned my weaknesses. For example I liked to feel important, loved, and beautiful. This may not be bad, everyone likes to feel wanted, but I know that when I look for this void to be filled with people who cannot give it to me I’m in trouble. I also learned that accomplishments that I make can be used to fill this void that I feel often. I used to be terrified to make a mistake and to be embarrassed. Elan helped me realize that I will always make mistakes and I need to gain the confidence in myself to take risks. Having confidence in myself has really allowed me to take control of my life, and lead my daughter in hers. I have learned much more, but these are the main areas that have really helped me in everyday life.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
Winning state championships with the girls cross country team. That has been by far the best experience I have had in my life. I loved running with the team; I actually miss that closeness we all had when we stepped out on the course, or on our weekend runs.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
If you are planning on sending your child here, it must be pretty bad at home. I know how hard it must be for you to hand your child over to a place that is far away knowing that they don’t want to go and will be pretty upset with you. Elan has helped many struggling teens overcome their battles and be able to turn their lives around. The beginning is hard, but at least you know they are safe and are being held accountable. All I can really say for sure is that Elan was the right choice for my family and me.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Elan will not change you, that is up to you. Elan will however; give you the tools you need to survive and live a healthy life style. The amazing thing about this is that this is different for everybody. The staff and your peers are here to help you understand your weaknesses and teach you how to turn them into strengths. This is a once in a lifetime chance to work through the issues and hurts of your past in a safe and forgivable environment. So take your time seriously and don’t be scared to change.
Do you still think about Elan?
Yes, all the time. I have actually visited quite a few times since I have left. I try to make it back once a year to run a race with the cross-country team. I miss my staff members and can’t wait to make it up there again soon. They are like family to me.
Where is your Elan Diploma?
On the wall in our office/ guest room.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
I am a strong, beautiful, intelligent mother who has control of her life. I could not have said this 6 years ago. I thank my parents and Elan for giving me this opportunity to change, because I don’t think I could of done it on my own.
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
My wife and I thought the program at Elan was extremely beneficial for our daughter Karen. The program was a tough program and we trusted the staff and supported them throughout the three years Karen was at Elan. The staff was always committed to Karen's progress and there was very little turnover in staff while Karen was at Elan which added to continuity in the program. Karen learned practical life skills and she is now able to face challenges in her life by drawing on the skills she has learned at Elan. Karen was also able to increase her self confidence through the Cross Country program at Elan. Karen continues to visit the school at least once a year and has run cross country with the team. Karen was able to earn her high school diploma and she was prepared for college and she is currently a senior at Southern Illinois University in the primary grades teaching program. We have our daughter back thanks to God and the hard work by all the staff and teachers at Elan. We thank all those who had a hand in shaping our daughter while she was at Elan.
Yours Truly,
Gregg M – Karen’s Dad
Name: Lee B
Age: 47
Graduated from Elan School: 1974
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
After losing my Father at the age of 10, I had become very rebellious, angry. At the time my Mother enrolled me at Élan I was headed toward serious trouble. My Mother, raising me alone at the time, was unable to deal with some of my behaviors such as rage and verbal abusiveness.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
Before graduating from Élan I gravitated towards other rebellious and angry youth. They were the type of friends that parents would classify as the, “wild,” ones. These friends were always just a little bolder than I was and willing to try things I was not. Being at Élan gave me the opportunity to see the difference between constructive and destructive relationships.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
I was scared at first. I begged my Mother to get me out of there. Thank God she didn’t. As time went on, I began to develop a sense of who I might become in the world without the anger and rage. I had role models for the first time who had been through enough to earn my respect. Towards the end of my time I could see that I had gone from fear to love for Élan and the close friendships I developed with staff and students.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
Grateful--It was one of the toughest decisions my Mother ever made for my life. She sacrificed her own desire to have me around in favor of what was best for me. I learned lessons I continue to use to this day.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
I stayed in Maine and went to Waynflete academy for high school. After high school I started my own lighting design company for music. Following that, I opened Bloch Design Group building motion picture and television studios along with theatres. I served for five years as National Chairman for the Illumination Engineering Society of North America’s Theatre Television and Film committee.
More recently, I served as the Director of Operations and a teaching pastor for a youth ministry outside Chicago, IL. I am currently enrolled at Columbia Evangelical Seminary where I hope to earn my Master of Divinity. I am planning to be married in August of 2008 and serve as a missionary to Brazil with my wife.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
To identify pain as the reason people are often angry and in rage. To develop skills that have allowed me at times to help them. I also learned that help most often comes from the shared life along with good counseling. Both are needed for long term change.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
Living with Joe Ricci and his wife. I was the youngest graduate Élan had at the time and Joe and his wife took a special interest in me. I admired Joe. He was bigger than life to me at the time and he became the Dad I never had. I think of him often, miss him, and am grateful for his personal sacrifices and belief that youth are worth investing in.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
Consider your role as a parent in preparing your child to deal with life’s challenges. Don’t wait thinking things will get better—they rarely do. Part of your role as a parent is to make tough choices, ones that they will hate you for now and love you for later. Your children will have thousands of friends through their lives but only one parent or set of parents who will love them enough to do what is best for them. Be their parent first and the friendship will follow.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
You may be thinking that the world is against you right now; that your parents and even friends have betrayed you. Why are you angry? Why do people who have love for you see a reason for the need for immediate change in your life? Nothing lasts forever; this time at Élan will be short compared to your hopefully long life. Stop long enough to listen to what people are telling you and it just might make sense. I thought I knew everything when I got to Élan, I found out there people really care and I had some things to learn. You might too. I began to pray during my first days at Élan, specifically to Jesus, because I was afraid and alone. I would also recommend prayer if you’re afraid and alone, specifically to Jesus.
Do you still think about Elan?
Not only think about it but recommend it to parents. I will always have a special place in my heart for Élan. It helped shape me into the person I have become today. (I’m still learning and growing by the way.)
Where is your Elan Diploma?
It stays on the wall with my other diplomas. I’ve had great opportunities for conversations and to offer advice to parents as a result. It was signed by Joe Ricci among others I respect and remember with love.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
I hope the vision that Joe and those who began Élan will continue forever. There is a great need for the specific help and way Élan restores families and youth to a productive life. With Eagerness of spirit, is part of the motto I will hold dear for the rest of my days, a gift from Élan. Keep going and never tire of reaching out and helping. You are loved.
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
I lost my father at the age of ten and my mother went home ten years ago when I was thirty-seven. My mother would have wanted to say, “thank-you,” to Joe and others for giving her back her son.
Name: Dr. Scott S
Age: 38
Graduated from Elan School: 1985
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
Drugs, Alcohol, Truancy, Running Away From Home
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
I hated my family and my friends were superficial. I accept my family for who they are. My mom and I are close. In fact, I have the honor of giving her away at her wedding this June. I’Il leave it at that My friends are honest and intimate.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Some days I hated it with a passion. Other days, I found it spiritually awakening. There were moments of clarity and blinding brilliance, however they did not last. And as always, these moments still come to me and are recognized as only as a state of impermanence.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
Without hesitation, it saved my life!
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
I flew directly to Philadelphia, PA where I was transported to St. Francis Preparatory, an all boys Catholic Boarding School run by the Franciscan Friars. I stayed there for the most part until I graduated high school. Onward I pushed and graduated with honors from The University of Denver. Next stop: Berkeley, CA to obtain my Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. The train rolled on where I completed a 2 year Postdoctoral Fellowship in Neuropsychology in Worcsester, MA. After this, I hopped the Santa Fe to new Mexico where I lived on the Navajo Indian Reservation and worked for the Gallup Indian Medical Center (IHS,PHS, DHHS)for 6 years. During this time, I also was an Associate Professor at UNM School of Medicine, Department of Psychiatry. After a short derailment in Flagstaff AZ with private practice of sorts, I moved to West Texas to be with an ol’ friend who like me, likes to work with individuals less fortunate. I teach at the Angelo State University and work 60 hours a week at Esperanza Health and Dental Clinic. I specialize in the treatment of child and adolescent disorders usually found in childhood and adolescence. Currently, I live on a place I call “The Honsuckle Hill Riding Farm. It’s just me and the horses and a cowgirl or two that can bear with me from time to time.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
To accept life on life’s terms. In other words, I control my own reality, I create my own reality. It is all quantum physics really. I am not that important, and it really is not all about me. The best I ever get to be is human.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
We had a power outage and we all had to go down to the lake and bathe. It was very cold but we had a great time.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
You cannot not afford to do it. It’s only money, you can make more.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Relax, everything will be ok. I know it is hard to believe but things will go on just fine without you. All your worrying amounts to nothing. You are a spec of sand in a vast universe, stop being so selfish and self centered.
Do you still think about Elan?
All the time. Both in a wakeful state and while dreaming
Where is your Elan Diploma?
No Clue! But I bet my mom knows exactly where it is.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Of course. Parents always want to know does the program work. My opinion is I don’t know. One has to begin to be comfortable with not knowing the answer to anything. If you see Elan, and all of its people as anything other than human beings you will be disappointed. However, do not quit before the miracle happens!
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
This is why I think it worked for me. It served as a significant period of disruption in my development physically, emotionally and environmentally. In other words, if I stayed at my old playground with my old playmates nothing would have changed. And when nothing changes , nothing changes except I grow older and I become developmentally arrested. Second, and perhaps more crucial I was not allowed to return home. Why? Because I changed and the world I was living in pretty much stayed the same.
Name: Crystal I
Age: 23
Graduated from Elan School: 2005
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
I had no respect for anyone, myself most importantly. After going through a few programs before Elan, I still wanted to continue the lifestyle I had before, which was going out and getting high, not listening to my mother, stealing, lying, and just being fake. I had no ambitions. Somehow I thought I’d miraculously graduate high school and college but I never went to any classes.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
I had no respect for my family before I had come to Elan. I was very angry at my mother but instead of dealing with it, I just pushed her and the rest of my family away. I refused to do anything they told me, I stole from them and lied to them often. I didn’t realize how much I was hurting the people around me and took their patience for granted. As for friends, the people I surrounded myself with were just other kids who liked to do drugs. None of them really cared about my well being or who I was as a person. The friends that did care had left the scene long ago. After going to Elan, my relationships are immensely different. I have become a supporter in my family. I express what I think and feel rather than lying or pretending as if things were okay. That alone makes a huge difference. The friends I have found since élan are all great people who have some sort of ambition, speak truth, and live honest lives. At times those are the people that keep me grounded.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Elan isn’t the easiest of programs. There were many days that I wanted to walk out the door but in my heart I knew I had to finish. The constant exposure to my true self was frightening because it wasn’t who I wanted to be. Without the distractions of a normal life outside of élan, television, internet, drugs, work, school etc…I had no way of escaping the reality of who I was. That was the hardest part of being at there.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
People always speak of regret and wishing they could go back in time and change things they’ve done. Although I am not proud of many things I’ve done, I wouldn’t change a thing. Elan was a major catalyst in my life. I’m grateful that I went and completed the program because I couldn’t have changed by myself. It’s safe to say if I met the girl I was years ago, I’d be disgusted by who she was. I look at most kids my age and am astonished at how immature they are. They have no clue how to organize themselves, they still have their parents to do everything for them, they’re dishonest and only speak of superficial things. When I see someone like that now, I thank God I went to élan. If I hadn’t, I would’ve still been a part of that crowd.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
After Elan, I started college. I moved out of my house and into my own apartment in a different state. I am currently enrolled as a Fine Arts student and am working towards transferring to a good art school.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
The most important is to keep truckin’ along even when times are tough. I now understand I can’t sit and pout to get things that I want, I have to work for them. Aside from that, I’ve learned to be insanely organized. My friends think I’m crazy because I have ‘To Do’ lists everywhere but between school, bills and everything else, they’re very necessary.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
My fondest memory…well, it has to be the talent shows. I didn’t think I could ever get up on stage and dance or act like a fool but yup, I did.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
My mother had the toughest time letting me go out of her reach but it was the best thing for the both of us. Kids can be pretty harsh too when they’ve learned they’re being sent away but parents have to be strong enough for the both of them. I was really manipulative and tried to make my mom feel horrible about sending me away. Parents just have to know it’s the right thing to do.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Take it one day at a time. Most importantly to be honest about who they really are or they’ll waste a lot of time there. When you first walk through the door, it’s like you’ve stepped into another world. You just have to listen to the people who have been there a while and know that they’ve gone through the same exact thing.
Do you still think about Elan?
I think about Elan all the time. I met my best friend at élan and we still laugh and reminisce about our stay there.
Where is your Elan Diploma?
Hanging above my desk.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
Yes - my mom says thank you.
Name: Jayme A
Age: 26
Graduated from Elan School: 2002
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
Drugs/Risky behavior/lack of self worth/lack of self esteem/poor relationships with family & friends.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
Before entering Elan, my family was scared for me and of me. Our relationship consisted of distrust, continued disappointment, fear, and malice. I constantly created an uncomfortable unloving environment. My relationship with my friends was purely drug seeking.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
While living at Elan, I went through many different phases. At first life at Elan was like living in a fog, almost as if I was on automatic pilot. I was in shock really, as time went on, I felt my past guilt, regret. I slowly became conscious of how I affected others and myself. I found that I too had the drive to follow my dreams, be a good daughter, sister, friend etc. I found out that I was a hard worker, determined and smart. I really began to love myself!
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
Elan saved my life and gave my family, friends and society an individual that has brought love, faith and hope into their lives.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
After graduating from Elan I went straight to college full time and played SOCCER!
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
At Elan I learned how to face emotions, how to communicate, how to ask for help, and most importantly, how to be honest. Above all, I learned that I could live a sober life through facing emotions/misfortunes etc. that had previously led me to using/abusing.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
The lake view, soccer games, all the sports events, morning meeting, the enriched staff, and the kitchen.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
Considering Elan could save your child's life!!!!
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
Have blind faith in what you see, even if Elan looks dumb, it all will make sense if you give it a chance.
Do you still think about Elan?
I currently work as a Reintegration Case Manager (for ex-offenders). I put in about 20-30hrs as a Residential Counselor and I am an amateur photographer!!
Where is your Elan Diploma?
Yes I do think about my Elan!! My diploma is on my wall in my bedroom!
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Elan is a place where people, families and friends regain ideals, recreate connections, where people find their origins, learn to understand themselves and can become accepted by themselves! THANK-YOU jla
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
THANK-YOU and our THOUGHTS will always be with you.
Name: Ryan N
Age: 24
Graduated from Elan School: 2003
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
The circumstances that led me to Elan were that I was very dishonest. I stole from those who meant the most to me because they would forgive me and it would be okay tomorrow. I was a 17 year old drop out with no motivation except to find the way to my nearest drug dealer. I began to smoke marijuana and was sent to a boot camp program that I was discharged from because I couldn't stay sober. Being home brought new feelings that I didn't know how to cope with so I found a substance that took me far away from them. I found out that my "friends" had found new drugs, cocaine and heroin. I sold everything that I owned and stole everything valuable to get money to get high, this continued until I was inches away from overdose. My parents noticed me withering away and promptly took action with the local courts.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
Relationships with my family were nonexistent. They were just the people who I lived with and the people that had money for me to steal. My father and I never got along very much because I would always steal, lie and cheat from him. I began to fear him and avoid him at all costs. My mother and I, well I don't really remember us having problems because I would avoid her unless I needed something. Now, my parents and I have a great relationship. My father and I get along great and have a wonderful relationship. We can talk to each other about anything that is troubling without fear. My mother and I have the best relationship that I could ever ask for and I currently work for her. My friends before Elan were nonexistent. I had a lot of people that I could hang out with but I never had real friends. I was popular because I had drugs and money not because I had relationships. Today I have TRUE friendships. I am not the worried about being popular and I surround myself with people that have direction and goals. I figure it is better to have 3-4 real friends than 40 people that will stab me in the back to further themselves.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
Well when I first got to Elan I had no feelings about it. I looked at it as a challenge to pretend so that I could get out and go back to home. Well... Elan has a few sayings, "It all comes out in the wash" and "You can't bullshit a bullshitter." These are truer than I could have ever expected. They saw through my act and challenged me daily to be real and attack the issues that brought me there until one day I was faced with the reality of who I was. It was a terrible feeling. I began to hate Elan; I started to act like I would at home, blatant disrespect and manipulative. Then I faced my judgment day. I remember being on the phone with my parents and they told me that I could either change my ways or I would be left in the streets of New Hampshire, and for some reason I knew this time that they were not bluffing. From then on I began to buy into the fact that I had some issues to tackle. That phone call changed my attitude towards Elan. I began to value my time there, I began to act as if, I began to be grateful that I was there and I began to like being there.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
I am grateful every moment that I am still alive because of Elan. My "friends" at home had been turning up dead, pregnant or in jail, so I consider myself very lucky and would not trade a moment that I was in there for a moment at home. I still call back and talk to the staff members as well as plan trips back up to the school to visit the place that SAVED my life.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
I graduated in December of 03 only a few days before Christmas. I was scheduled to go to college in January so I had little down time. I think I was home for all of 2 weeks and those were full of shopping for my school supplies, finding my books and just hanging out at home. Currently I am a Marketing/Advertising major with a minor in Sociology at Monmouth College. I will be graduating in December of 07 and am now a licensed real estate agent in Illinois. I will be selling real estate in January and have had an immense amount of success from the skills I learned at Elan.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
The skills that I had learned are to be honest and accountable for my actions. I know this might sound different but I have learned that if I am honest with my class work and accountable for my actions I will not make the same mistakes that I have done in the past. I know that I am in charge of my life and I have no one to blame but me. I have also learned to be patient, things don't happen overnight and that with continual work and effort that I can accomplish anything that I set out to do.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
It sounds really weird but my fondest memory is thanksgiving of 2004. I really don't know how to explain it to everyone. It was a time when there were drastic changes going on in my life. I belonged, I had a seat that was mine, I had relationships that I will have for the rest of my life and I was clean, honest, and respected.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
This is not a short term program. You must commit yourself to the program just as much as you expect your children to commit to it. There are going to be changes made on both your side as well as your child's side. If you love your child and would like to them to be a productive member of your family and not destructive to themselves then this is the place for them. But remember, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR YOU. Have a little blind faith.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
This is going to be the most difficult time in your life. It is not going to be comfortable by any means. You are going to have feelings arise that you never even knew about. You are going to not like it here in the beginning, get over it and talk to people that are there and ask them how they got over it. The faster that you just let your guard down and be honest, the quicker you will be on your way to making drastic changes, changes that you might not even have known that you are capable of.
Do you still think about Elan?
Yes. I still talk to the students that I was there with and I also talk to the staff. I am also a contact for parents that are iffy on sending their children to Elan so I think of my stay there often.
Where is your Elan Diploma?
Well it was on the wall in my parents' house., but it will soon be on the wall in my own house.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
If you are serious about changing the direction of your son or daughter's life, this is the place for them. There is no chance that I would have accomplished what I have if it was not for them. They change lives and save them daily. They are the real deal!
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
I once had a client tell me a story that I remember to this day & share often. It is about our children & goes like this: "We as parents do not build the bridge to our children's future, our children do. So if your child's bridge looks like Indiana Jones's Temple of Doom - that is the bridge they have chosen to build. We as parents are not meant to be the rungs upon which our children tread - but to be the hand rails - for them to reach for in times of need. We are not meant to save them."
These words were spoken to me at a time I felt I had no more to give & no hope left. The more I gave, the more I forgave, the harder I tried - the worse things got. I discovered in myself a well so deep it was bottomless, there was nothing I would not do to save my child. Yet of all the people in the world - it became crystal clear to me, that I alone could not save him. I had to have the faith & courage to trust & let go.
I let go.
It is not easy to watch someone you love struggle with painful life & death issues. I held onto the knowledge that of all the places Ryan could be at this time in his life, he was safe. With all the struggles & challenges he confronted I knew he was in the perfect place to handle it, manage it & move on. Life rarely gives you an opportunity to evaluate your life/decisions or to have in your corner the support of adults & peers every step of the way.
Change takes time, energy & effort - on everyone's part. Ryan did not walk this journey on his own. We all grew personally from this experience. Looking back, I have no guilt or regrets. I know I gave all I had to give and if I had to do it once again, I would not change a thing.
I've always thought that if you were a great parent you'd have great kids. However, what I have learned is great kids sometimes don't have the best parents & that you KNOW you are a great parent when you have a challenging child. I believe ALL my children were born into the perfect family, our family. And I was chosen to be the one for them & they were chosen to be the ones for me.
As a parent, I am so full of gratitude toward everyone at Elan. I know that here, in this school, the course of many lives have been forever altered. And I am blessed to be the parent of a young man whose life's choices inspire me daily. I am very proud of you Ryan.
- Ryan's Mother
Name: Rebecca C
Age: 23
Graduated from Elan School: 2003
What circumstances brought you to Elan?
I hated myself and blamed all of my problems on my family. I would do anything for a friend. I was verbally abusive and terrorized my family. I made things so miserable that my younger sisters were afraid to bring friends over to the house.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here?
If I had relationships with peers before Elan they were generally me compromising myself and my values so as to have someone around. The relationship with my family was a disaster at best. We couldn't talk or spend time together without fighting.
Now I have a great group (of very geeky :-)) friends who are there for me as much as I am there for them. My family and I have our problems, but we speak almost everyday, sometimes a few times a day. I call my sisters often and we try to see each other as much as possible. Things are very good in my life in that regard.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here?
While I was in Elan I had a love hate relationship with the program. I loved the fact that for the first time in my life I wasn't labeled and put on medication. I loved feeling "normal" for once. At the same time Elan was challenging and I was a kid who hated being challenged.
How do you now feel about having been at Elan?
Elan is a huge part of my life. I work here now. Elan is the reason I am not dead or in a hospital. Elan saved my life.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan?
After Elan I went right to college. I attended Ursinus College in Collegeville PA. I worked on nationally recognized political campaigns, was on the speech and debate team, a leadership scholar among many other accomplishments.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life?
I learned how to be an individual, how to have self respect and how to manage and organize my life. I learned how to stand up for what I believe in and challenge things that were wrong.
What is your fondest memory of your time here?
The day I realized I am not crazy and that I just made bad decisions. It was a turning point for me and it has helped me never go back to being that person.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child?
This is a hard process for both the parent and the student, but a very short two years is worth having your child back for a lifetime. What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan? I would tell them to relax and try to listen. Elan has been around for a while and it works.
What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan?
I would tell them to relax and try to listen. Elan has been around for a while and it works.
Do you still think about Elan?
I think about Elan every day.
Where is your Elan Diploma?
My diploma is at my parents house while I settle in in Maine. It will soon be on the wall in my bedroom.
Is there anything else you'd like to add?
Elan saved my life.
Is there anything your mother/father would like to add?
Elan was like the teacher that everyone is afraid of who turns out to be the best one you ever had. My husband and I had to put a lot of faith into Elan and it was a scary time. It took much longer than we had hoped it would and for every ten steps forward there were nine steps back. Occasionally there were 11 steps back.
My daughter has graduated from college and has a job and is self supporting. We are not afraid of each other and I'm proud of her. I attribute all of that to Elan.
Thank you
