Shamelessly stolen from the Orange Papers site.
12 Ways to have fun at a coercely-attended NA/AA meeting
Date: 2009-10-18, 1:39PM
* 1.) Bring along some rock-salt (or a little tar, or powdered sugar!) wrapped in cellophane. Leave it in a conspicuous place, like next to the coffee pot! (Listen for a scream from the bathroom shortly!)
* 2.) Steal the coffee pot! Hold it hostage until your card is signed. (Trust me, its more important than you are, or anyone else who is there!)
* 3.) When asked to announce yourself, say, "My name is Agent ______, I work for the DEA, and I sure see some familiar faces here!"
* 4.) Volunteer to read the steps, then do it really, REALLY FAST (like you are yakked on coke, or meth! . Offer to read the entire book — right then and there — in 30 seconds!
* 5.) Ask if the connections are inside, outside, and if they have any "12-Step deals" going on!
* 6.) When the time comes for "announcements", announce that since its impossible for coercing authorities to truly verify whether a "court-card attendee" attended, that everyone can just sign their own card, and then leave. And the secretary is hereby fired.
* 7.) Inform the "old timers" that they no longer meet criteria to remain in the group as they no longer have a "desire" to BECOME clean/sober if they are already clean/sober (one is a thought — the other an ACTION!)
* 8.) Ask how many Big Books it takes for a good bonfire (I am guessing, 12?)
* 9.) Ask about the orgies that are rumored to occur at "conventions"!
* 10.) Bring a notepad and camera-phone. Explain its for "research" purposes, and "findings" will be posted on YouTube shortly!
* 11.) Volunteer to do the closing prayer. Pretend to nod off during it. Several times. Become irate if someone offers to finish it for you. Maintain death grips on the people you are holding hands with!
* 12.) Ask which of the 12-Steps actually apply to any individuals, since none of them have personal pronouns like "I", or "me" or "you" in them!
