"You guys have to see this! It has several ex Straight staffers on there full blown denying not only their crimes but ALL Straight crimes.
---Warning another Long Rambling Post...cause it's raining in the Keys bitches----
It's been my direct experiance, in dealing with others who went thru Straight Inc. at any capasity, in any of the "buildings" or in any particular year on first mentioning Straight Inc. a shield of sorts goes up, as a defence of sorts. What they are defending varies from person to person. An example would be my cousin's (whom I hadnt seen at that time in over 20 years, because I was first in and they followed after I graduated...thought they would still be pissed...I would have been if the tables were turned and the shoe was on the other foot) With the one cousin, who I kinda corned as we headed to a family reunion, I insisted he ride with my wife and myself. He was/is my favorite cousin, have always felt close to him, and we are about 3 weeks apart in age, myself being the eldest.
I began a conversation about Straight Inc., almost instantly, he retorted, "Straight Inc. isn't something I talk about!" I replied right back at him and simply said, "Well, I do". See at first he was defensive, he threw up a wall of defense and erronesiously thought I would respect that and back down. He was wrong. Within minutes he went on a non-stop rant about what his experiance was. With each sentence that came from his mouth his voice seemed more condensed, angered and enraged. He spewed out instances, circumstances, injustices he had witnessed and taken part of. The kick in the head was getting started over day one while on 5th phase for recieving an invitation to a college party being held by a club he was a member of (chess or something). Because the party invitation mentioned that there would be a keg of beer, the host mother turned the invitation over to staff. My cousin never even got to see the invitation, the host mother intercepted it and turned it over to staff. He was stood up, and confronted. He denied any knowledge of the party, denied even knowing about the party muchless attend the party. After several hours of "come down", he was started over DAY ONE.
Was he defensive at first, yes. What was he defending? His anger and rage. My other two cousins, maintain a front, infront of his partents, my aunt and uncle. He had no outlet to vent the rage, he was out numbered by siblings who still spoke highly of the program and didnt, still doesnt want to be considered disrespectfull to his parents. He was and still is in a bit of a pickel.
I suspect my point is, it is fairly easy and simple to spot defence. But the question remains, what is being defended? Statutes of Limitations are well over, there is no legal recourse. So the defence as a means of protecting oneself legally doesnt seem to fit. Now, what of a person that is noted, rembered as one who "enjoyed thier jobs" defending thier postion as never harming or abusing anyone? What are they defending?
It isnt an easy question to answer, for it it has not been my direct experiance. Yet I find it simple to speculate, or to surmise the main reasons for defending thier past actions. And so I offer my speculations:
A) No one thinks of themselves as a bad person, or having done bad things.
B) No one wants others to think of them as a bad person or that they have done bad things.
C) Everyone wants or needs to feel a "part of" something larger than themselves.
D) Most everyone wants or needs to avoid being "apart from" something larger than themselves.
E) As a matter of egocentricity, that is to say..."Straight inc. helped me....maybe we fucked you over, but it HELPED ME...outside of it helping me, I dont have a clue why people are so angry. Because it HELPED ME, screw you folks that are pissed off, after all it saved my life. And to secure this reasoning, those with differing opinions are thought of as, "less than". (yup, meaning they still think way to highly of themselves...certainly a delusion worth defending, no?)
F) Face Book (FB) is a social network. Most members have families and other outside friends and affiliations and so there seems to be a need to protect ones image to others. To me it would be more advantagious for them not to join in the first place, it would save alot of effort in defending oneself. That need to protect oneself to save face, speaks volumes in regard to what thier self-esteem must be like. Not to mention how difficult it must be to save face and cover your ass at the same time!
"see the monsters comforting each other and denying any abuse whatsoever. Just when I was getting in a forgiving mood too."
As alluded to earlier, it must be an extremly difficult task to defend oneself, alone. But, if another person with similar status comes along and thier story aligns with thier own...it's understandable that the two minds will attract each other, mingle together, support, "comfort each other" and defend each other. And so the line is drawn in the sand, seperating the two schools of thought...
Straight is Great -vs- Straight Sucks.
Recognizing that there are two greatly differing schools of thought does tend to make the hair on my neck stand up. However, the two schools of thought are polar opposites, neither allowing a grey zone, a DMZ, it does seem that there will always be conflict between the two. Recognizing this is one thing, "forgiving" is still yet another thing...yet accepting the two schools of thought is something I have only begun to explore. The "F" word (forgiveness), is a tall order, seemingly impossible. Acceptance on the other hand, well, not quite sure how that will work out tween my own two ears. Logically speaking, it does allow for varience in thought. Acceptance of the other school of thought, although not the "F" word, means I am not threatened by the other school of thought. And it also means I can allow another member of the other school of thought to think, act, and behave the way they think is best. In the same breath, I am allowed to think, act, and behave the way I think is best. One slogan on the walls of the buildings I was in said (although never practiced or discussed) "Live and Let Live". As a general rule, I thought and think slogans are vague and superfulious. But "Live and Let Live" seems a lil bit more important today. Hell, it may be as close to the "F" word as I may ever get.
As a Buddhist, the "F" word is the Holy Grail, if you like. But I needn't overly asscert myself or become harsh with myself when I fall way shy of my intended goal. The Buddha taught that balance is of utmost importance. He used the example of string on a lute, or what is now called a guitar or stringed instrument. If the string/cord/line is stretched to tightly it will of course snap. If the string/cord/line is not tight enough, ya simply have a line/cord/string hanging from two points. Impotent. When the line/string/cord is tightend just enough, not to snap, and not to be 'impotent'...the line/string/cord will then make a pleasant tone. This, the Buddha called the Middle Way.
It is difficult to read, how Straight Inc. so greatly affected thier lives. It is deeply disturbing to read how Executive Staff members "never abused anyone", when it is common knowledge that just to get thru the program one had to 'kill or be killed', 'eat or be eaten', 'snitch or be snitched on', 'berate or be berated', 'humiliate or be humiliated'...all in the name of "Love" and under the quise of "Theraputic Value".
Leaving people/individuals out of the equation; conceptually speaking...the idealology, fanticisim, fear, secretivenes....the whole damn shooting match is whacked! It is a cruel as teaching an infant to speak only using nouns as thier vocabulary. How inhibiting, or stunting to the childs growth! The results would be staggering, to say the least. One can see simple communication skills stunted. Social skills would be severly affected, it is more likely than probable that inter-personal relationships would be a dream, lack of relationship would be the reality.
And then we are left to, wonder. (At first I mispelled the word "wonder" and typed 'wander"...maybe snoop into that later) Wonder if_______? Wonder if _______ hadn't have happened? Wonder if I would have _______ instead of______? Wonder if I will every be________ again? Wonder if I am fucked up somehow because of ___________ that I learned in Straight Inc. Wonder if I have to be so ___________ towards the one I love? Wonder why peole and I dont _________, could it be from Straight Inc.?
Speaking strictly for myself, I can fill in these blanks a hundred times over. It is as if the mind incessantly seeks resolution of some sort. Not so much a vendetta, or revenge and as I chatted briefly with a 'friend' on FB in regard to a class action suit. The subject of money surfaced and I asked, if it was about the money. I was assured that this was in no way about money. My 'friend' listed the many grievances we all seem to share in one degree or another. My 'friend' also mentioned the continued efforts of this skewed ideaology, snipping off the spin off's and as a statement to any others pondering this pathetic attempt at "rehabilation" thru tough love measures. Money can not fill the blanks to the above questions and the thousands I have yet to been able to articulate. There was an unspoken, unwritten understanding between two survivors.
"one of the most vicious female staffers at atlanta Straight. She was petty and cruel to the point that girls would actually shake as she walked by. She says on Facebook that "she never abused anyone". I guess she has a different definition of the word "abuse" than the rest of the human race. I saw her humiliate girls daily. She was one of those staffers that made it obvious, she enjoyed what she was doing."
I have one of those vicious female staff members in mind also, although it is not the same as the one on FB. When we break down the conceptual disaster of Straight Inc. we as survivors seem to focus on particular staff members. Understand, this is not in defence of them, but an observation of what we do as survivors. Reading thier accounts of events is to me, mind boggeling. And after reading a few of them there is a tendency for me to clumb them all together in a group of...shit heads. But there is the occasional rare find.
This particular 'rare find' critically examines his thoughts, considers the thoughts of others and not only aware of past transgressions, but publicly admits and offers an open apology for all those that may have been hurt indescriminatly. This, no doubt wieghed heavy on him for a considerable length of time. In addition to the heart felt apology, there had to be knowledge saying I will be "cross examined", the intention would be questioned along with the sincerity etc. Then there is the social factor. This "rare find" was in good favor of many many people. This "Open Apology" could be the end of good favor. Good concious demanded the "LOA" (Letter Of Apology) be submitted. The LOA was a breath of fresh air for me! The LOA restored something within me, I have no other word to use than "VALIDATION".
Again, this is a "Rare Find" and as such, these LOA's are a rare occurance. An exception to the rule, if you like. Even with that "something restored" sensation, I still view staff at any level Trainee-Executive-MoB thru the lenses of caution, descretion, and suspicion. Well, ok, there is a no small sense of contempt, along with the other three. Will I be courtious, in my discourse with them? Absolutely, it's the Southern Way. Will I ask probing questions that demand more than a yes/no answer? You betcha! Will I be threatening, beligerant, intimidating or hostile? I would hope not, certainly conflicts with how I would like to think of myself. Yet the reality is not so pretty. Within, there is a powder keg with an unfortunately short fuse. Good intentions, efforts to heal quickly go south briefly but rather abruptly. At 215lbs, 5'11,(or online) enraged while vomitting emotions of 30+years would and could be percieved as threatening/intimidating...just ask any who I hold near and dear. Some 30 minutes afterwards, after re-calling the event, self loathing, self berating, self ridicule, there is a calmness that is inexpicable. Although calm, there is an emotional after math...collateral damage, not unlike a swath of destruction...I digress
I think it comical you choose the words "just to respond to these folks". I think one need to respond for the sake of responding. Writting your story, writting my story to ourselves seems redundant. For that matter it may be redundant to those close to us. But, wtf? My story is my story as is yours, is yours. Yet memories of Straight Inc come on strong for people at some point and "stumble" onto the "Straight Sites". These folks havent even pieced together thier own story. Not a disrespect, but I know for some unknown reason I thought of Straight Inc and went right to Google. I read as many stories as I could, as if I had a fever, an obsession to know more and more. Then of course I wasnt reading "others" stories. I was reading yours...I was reading my own. Then why not write my own story...it sucks...but it's the only story I have. As confidance built, perhaps some by-product of the "survivor sites" I attended "protests", "gatherings" and have traveled to be with like minds.
I would agree if you "want to look at Straight brainwashing/zealotry/denial then pay a visit to the Atlanta Straight group on facebook". I would ante up a notch and say that go to any Straight Inc. site and you will find "brainwashing/zealotry/denial". I say that because, well...thats what we do. Here I think it best to think in shades of grey. As if on predator status there is no shyness when it comes to jumping with vicious focus on a perceived weakness. Unfortunately, 99.9% of us where trained to treat each other contemptiously. To make bad, worse..99.5% of us do so, as easily as we breath, thinking little, if anything of it.
Yet, that "brainwashing/zealotry/denial" is an aspect, a part of healing. How far off are the 5 Stages of Grief? We all go thru our "healing process", at our own time, at our own rate. The "rare find" wasnt coerced into the LOA, nor should any other (recently went thru a bout of that). It is important to note, there seems to be a bullshit barometor or something. The post mentoned in the OP, date way back. Shit heads pop to the surface, say thier piece and they drop off the radar. Thier reasons for doing so I dont even dare speculate. Bullshit eventually fades in time, what remains is what gets shat upon. Most of the time now, I concern myself with what takes place tween my own two ears. If somehow I think (for whatever reason) I can be of service and what insight I have, I offer it freely. But I would be remiss if I didnt realize that people hear/read what they need to hear/read when they are ready, not unlike a fruit falls from a tree when it's perfectly ripened. Cant really change it, certainly cant re-arrainge it...so there it was/is (Sorry Kid Rock).
"I really don't want to feel this hate and anger towards these people but they just made it alot harder to forgive."
Yes...work with me here...Some time ago, decade easily, I attended a "sermon" of sorts. As they passed the basket, although it was called a "Love-Offering". The "pastor" (for lack of a better word) made a statement or two. It may have just been his gimmic, yet the effect on me was profound. A moment that left me speachless/thoughtless for sometime and even after that I spoke seldomly, avoiding idle chatter and needless chatter. He asked, (with eyes closed) "what would you give for PEACE?"....(seemed ok, innocious, and easy enuff) Then he bumped it up a notch by adding, (and here I wonder about the gimmic) "What is it that you are un-willing to give, for PEACE?"
"What is it that you are un-willing to give, for PEACE?"
Hmmmm. Tough question. But I found a seemingly ongoing list of things I was/am unwilling to "give", even for PEACE. Straight Inc. of course was close to the top of the list. But Straight Inc. was umbrellaic (new word I made up recently) Like an umbrella, which serves as a host, there are hundreds of "issues" that rain underneath it, like the roots of a mangrove tree. Is there any question to why so many of us suffer so deeply?
Your suggestion to join that FB group is worth considering, even tho I personally did not attend the Atlanta Straight Inc. But I have a tendency to "call people on thier shit". But it is more an issue of, dont start no shit, there wont be no shit. Should I disagree with something, I have no problem saying so and why I disagree. Afraid to lock horns...no, not at all. Is it disturbing? Ehhh. I dunno, I suspect so to some. It isnt like I havent been accused of standing on a soap box before or accused of having (my favorite) a "Messiah Complex". Maybe I do, and maybe I have. But whats the fun of bantering, if the one who begins the volley up and leaves without so much as a "Fuck You"?
We all were hit by the same rock. The accuracy of the throw. The velocity of the flying rock. The impact zone of the rock. All along with the ability to recoil and spring back from the rock...or not. All of these and more to be sure are factors in the effects of being hit by such a rock.
Many of us, as survivors are wanderers as well. We all know the Tolkien quote, "All those who wander are not lost.", I agree, we are not lost. Yet we seem to wander ever so frequently, either physically, metaphorically, intellectually, emotionally. Yet the one common theme in our wanderings is the searching, the looking. I am not naive to think my sense of well being rests out side of my own skin. I know that sense of well being, that peace resides in but one place, within. Occasionally there is opportunity to share this sense of well being, this peace, but ultimately that peace is always present. At some point we find that, that which is always present. And still we wander, probably more so out of habit than by nessacity (sp). Either way it's all good. If we as individuals have peace in out heart and acceptance in our mind, our capasity would be with out limit....I am guessing here, does kinda seem utopian. But I have lived with hate, anger and rage long enuff to have good grasp on that end of the spectrum. I wonder about the middle of the spectrum.
Nuff said for now...
Double Dawg dare ya to cross post or place a link to this post here on Fornits. What the hell, nothing doing here, just enjoying TBPITW (nice x-mas stash) kinda makes a rainy day in the Florida Keys, much more tolerable...bitches!
Much Healing
Much Peace
woof
