The one thing that is still hard, is not telling too much. The full disclosure rule still haunts my thoughts and conversations. Even though I didn't talk in group hardly at all, I still feel like I have a WHOLE story to tell when someone asks about my life or asks just "Hey, how's it going?" When people ask how I am, I instantly think.. do you want the long version or the complementary .." im ok.." I never know what people expect in conversation. For instance, the other day me and a classmate were debating sociology and social-conflict .. you know,>> does every American actually have the same potential and opportunities, especially between racial boundaries.. And she started to say.. "Hey! I got myself to school after being raped ..etc.. so anyone should have the same motivation as me!" I surprised myself and responded.. "Shhh, you don't have to tell that about yourself..." ~~~Ok, so my point is, where is the normative boundary of the general population's comfort zone when hearing about violence and obscene abuse? Like, when is it appropriate and not, to just blurt out personal information about your own life? I have a hard time knowing where this boundary is, because I typically tend to just talk about all the horrific abuses I have been through as if I were talking about a shopping trip.. but sometimes people just look at me stunned.. and I am not sure how to interpret that....So, I am learning to not say too much. Is that right or is it a denial of the true self?
Any thoughts on that?
A few...General rule of thumb (my thumb anyway) Self Disclosure Kills...that would be my knee jerk reaction/answer.
As a Buddhist I have learned there are these four ways of answering questions. What four?
A) There is the question that requires a categorical reply. (Yes/No)
B) That which requires a counter question. (Answering the question with a question...engage them)
C) That which must be put aside. (Even the Buddha refused to answer certain questions, ones trivial and ones that served no purpose even if answer is given)
D) And that which requires a discriminating reply. (Will the answer be of service to the questioner, will it calm them, will it assist them)
My disclosure is like a ringing telephone...just beacuse it rings, I do not have to answer it and if I do answer it...I have the option of hanging up.
Also I was thinking of the victimhood, victims are easy to spot, victims are easy prey, victims wait to be "saved". You, myself, all of us fell victim in our youth. The abuse is over for you, the victimhood seems to remain. I am not suggesting you forget what took place or anyone forget what took place. A coin has two sides, ours on the one side is victimhood, the other side is surviving and thriving. I personally had to stop for a period of time, metaphorically, STOP! Stop and watch my internal landscape, look at everything, examine everything without prejudice. I realized no one, no thing, no entity was going to "save me"....ever. Once I lost all hope of that ever occuring, I felt a tremendious sense of ease, I was more or less comfortable in my own prison and a new life began to unfold. I began to feel a freedom, for lack of a better word. Along with that 'freedom' came a sence of strength. With more experiance in 'freedom' and my new found 'strength', confidence or faith (if you will) slowly took root. Dont expect this to happen overnight, its a slow process.
This has not been an easy journey, I suspect it has not been for you either...any of us for that matter.At the risk of sounding redundant...We must perservere so that we may endure.
Much Peace
Much Healing
woof