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Offline Ursus

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What Bullies know about Bullying
« on: August 04, 2009, 11:35:50 AM »
Narcing on your neighbor can solve that "bully problem."

Straight from Maine's bullying mecca, Hyde School, comes this sage piece of reassuring pontification. Bullying expert Malcolm Gauld informs us how the Hyde School practice of "Brother's Keeper" can solve America's "bullying problem."

Strangely, Malcolm fails to address how "Brother's Keeper" is, in and of itself, one of the worst forms of bullying around. Guess that might cut into the bottom line right quick, eh?  :D

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Essays
Posted: Jul 6, 2009

BULLYING: BROTHER'S KEEPER PART OF THE SOLUTION?

By: Malcolm Gauld

Although bullying is an old problem, it sure seems to have a new face. Starting out as a teacher three decades ago, I tended to tell parents to simply step out of the picture and let their son or daughter face their bullies on their own. That was the advice our parents gave us when we were kids. However, looking back I don't remember any shootings in my elementary school. I'm pretty sure that we didn't have gangs on our playground. I know that we didn't have the Internet.

The Website: http://www.targetbully.com defines bullying as "repeated, unprovoked harassment of another individual in which that individual has difficulty defending himself/herself." That sounds simple enough, but bullying has changed. For sure, the old school playground and hallway stuff that I remember as both victim and perpetrator - still goes on, but the internet has ushered in a whole new breed.

While our mothers wisely cautioned us that sticks and stones might break our bones while assuring us that names would never hurt us, "cyber-bullying" has ratcheted everything up with devious attacks on reputations by invisible perpetrators who hide behind the insidious cloak of anonymity that the web provides.

The web site http://www.Parentingbook.Com presents some troubling statistics:

  • 160,000 children miss school every day due to fear of attack or intimidation by other students.
  • 85 percent of girls and 76 percent of boys have been sexually harassed in some form, and only 18 percent of those incidents were perpetrated by an adult.
  • Young bullies carry a 1-in-4 chance of having a criminal record by age 30.
  • One in seven students is either a bully or a victim. Seventy-one percent of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.
  • One out of 20 students has seen a student with a gun at school.

Suffice it to say that the digital world has brought bullying to a new level. So how do we address it?

On one hand, my seasoning as an educator makes me reluctant to merely echo the advice that my parents and teachers gave me. At the same time, I often find myself trying to keep the parents from getting overly involved. Maybe that's because I rarely encounter parents who err on the side of being under-involved.

I have come to visualize a balance. If the adults step in, take complete charge and "fix it," the "fix" tends to result in a short-term bandage. Eventually the problem will once again rear its ugly head, usually when least expected and often with greater intensity.

Even if we manage to install so many controls that we are successful in stopping blatant bullying, there is the risk that we can inadvertently fuel two problematic side effects: (1) We may drive it underground (or over to the Web) where things can get especially nasty; and/or (2) We run the risk that our children will grow up ill-prepared to handle the many challenges they will face as adults when we are no longer hovering like helicopters to protect them.

If the balance tips to the other side and the kids try to do it all by themselves, a "Lord of the Flies" mentality can form, resulting in an anarchy or gang mentality that creates as many victims as it helps. Hence, there needs to be a balance of kids and adults working together.

Three decades ago at the Hyde schools, we pioneered a concept called "Brother's Keeper" which calls upon students to interact with and occasionally even intrude upon their peers in order to help each other pursue their personal best. If it has taught me anything, I am convinced of one thing: the "cops and robbers" system we grew up with (cops = teachers; robbers = students) is doomed. While Brother's Keeper has been forged in Hyde's two boarding schools in Bath and Woodstock, CT, the real test has been in its transference to our public schools in the Bronx (NYC), New Haven and Washington DC.

I called some of my colleagues from Hyde's public charter schools to get their take on bullying. Both schools are justifiably proud of what the Director of High School Washington DC Ronaldo Murray calls a "culture of acceptance."(Hyde-DC stands out as one of the few inner city District high schools with no metal detectors at the front door.)

Assistant Head Chrissie Brown chimes in, "While the kids initially see our concept of Brother's Keeper as snitching, they ultimately realize that they are actually helping each other out. When we adults get purely punitive, we take away their power to practice that." (We also increase the climate for bullying.) This is not to say that bullying never happens, but as Yvonnia Wise at Hyde's South Bronx charter stresses, "We must develop both an eye and an ear for bullying even in its smallest form. Both the victims and perpetrators need to know that bullying will be addressed immediately."

At the end of the day, we need a mixture of Mom's advice from days gone by combined with a modern understanding of "It Takes a Village." They can't do it by themselves. We cannot do it for them. Maybe we can form a partnership that can get it done.


About the author:
Malcolm Gauld is President of Hyde Schools. For more information, complete bios and photos, contact Rose Mulligan, 207-837-9441, or http://www.hyde.edu.



Copyright © 2009, Woodbury Reports, Inc.
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Offline try another castle

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Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2009, 10:14:36 PM »
Everytime I read something about bullying now my brain keeps getting invaded by that "bulling is rabbit" meme that was on *chan for a while.
http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Bullin ... _is_Rabbit


what a fucked up story that was. Crazy next door neighbor mom bitch.
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Offline Ursus

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Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
« Reply #2 on: August 05, 2009, 11:44:08 AM »
From your link:

    "Computers are tools of the devil. Look at the doors to evil that have opened because of computers.
      —Sue, Nov 12, 2007 1:22 PM
    [/list]
      The only thing still missing from this latest advertising media frenzy is a press photo of the Be a buddy not a bully tee-shirts from the Character Education Council's Anti-Cyber bullying Week at Troy Middle School.[/list]

       :roflmao:  :roflmao:
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      Offline try another castle

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      Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
      « Reply #3 on: August 05, 2009, 10:29:12 PM »
      Quote from: "Ursus"
      From your link:

        "Computers are tools of the devil. Look at the doors to evil that have opened because of computers.
          —Sue, Nov 12, 2007 1:22 PM
        [/list]
          The only thing still missing from this latest advertising media frenzy is a press photo of the Be a buddy not a bully tee-shirts from the Character Education Council's Anti-Cyber bullying Week at Troy Middle School.[/list]

           :roflmao:  :roflmao:

          Do adults think all teens are mongoloids? Just say no? Be a buddy? There is a big difference between being stupid and being an asshole.


          Sometimes I wish Big Fun really existed, cause they would totally do a song about this.

          Teenage suicide... don't do it.


          Course, the song has to be played on a radio that looks like a big rock.
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          Offline Anonymous

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          Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #4 on: August 07, 2009, 08:46:21 PM »
          Quote
          Assistant Head Chrissie Brown chimes in, "While the kids initially see our concept of Brother's Keeper as snitching, they ultimately realize that they are actually helping each other out. When we adults get purely punitive, we take away their power to practice that."

          Oh yeah, you def don't want to take away a kid's power to practice getting purely punitive!
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          Offline Anonymous

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          Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #5 on: August 22, 2009, 06:02:29 PM »
          Quote
          • One in seven students is either a bully or a victim. Seventy-one percent of students report incidents of bullying as a problem at their school.

          Make that seven out of seven at Hyde.
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          Offline Violet

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          Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #6 on: September 21, 2009, 02:18:49 PM »
          Hyde is rife with bullies in both the student population and the faculty. Not surprising is that the worst offenders on campus are those who are alums. Seems the message of character and integrity didn't take hold. I think the reason for the bullish attitude is a compensation method for lack of qualification to be a real leader. If not actually qualified to teach, it must be covered up somehow, and intimidation appears to be the method of choice. Real growth, growth that challenges authority and the decisions being made for you by others isn't actually encouraged. They want conformity for the sake of community. Not a community of strong minded individuals. Pity the fool who thinks for him or herself.
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          Offline Curious George

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          Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #7 on: September 21, 2009, 04:08:23 PM »
          It's funny how many experts have opinions on how to handle bullies, none of them seem to get that this psycho-babble doesn't work in the real world.

          Teddy Roosevelt had a theory too.  Walk softly and carry a big stick. After all, how does our military handle bullies.  This seems to be the only thing that really works.

          CG
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          Offline try another castle

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          Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #8 on: September 21, 2009, 10:49:12 PM »
          Im with teddy. I personally think that the only way to handle a bully is to beat the crap out of them, or at least try to. They normally back down. (that was my experience anyway) theyll be pissed, but theyll back down.

          Even this isnt necessarily a guarantee that theyll leave you alone, though. If they are thugs as well as cowards, theyll sic their faggoty homie friends on you.. or, theyll just blow your head off.
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          Offline Ursus

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          Hyde bullying stunts kids' growth, makes millions for Hyde
          « Reply #9 on: September 22, 2009, 10:39:01 AM »
          Quote from: "Violet"
          Hyde is rife with bullies in both the student population and the faculty. Not surprising is that the worst offenders on campus are those who are alums. Seems the message of character and integrity didn't take hold. I think the reason for the bullish attitude is a compensation method for lack of qualification to be a real leader. If not actually qualified to teach, it must be covered up somehow, and intimidation appears to be the method of choice. Real growth, growth that challenges authority and the decisions being made for you by others isn't actually encouraged. They want conformity for the sake of community. Not a community of strong minded individuals. Pity the fool who thinks for him or herself.
          I couldn't agree more.

          Of course, the real reason a lot of parents ship their kids off to Hyde is to turn them into well-behaved and duly appreciative Stepford children. Those fine "five words" are but window dressing and marketing hoopla, and bear no relation to reality.  :D
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          Offline Ursus

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          Re: CG answer Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #10 on: September 22, 2009, 11:47:28 AM »
          Quote from: "Curious George"
          It's funny how many experts have opinions on how to handle bullies, none of them seem to get that this psycho-babble doesn't work in the real world.

          Teddy Roosevelt had a theory too.  Walk softly and carry a big stick. After all, how does our military handle bullies.  This seems to be the only thing that really works.

          CG
          One of the biggest bullies at Hyde School would appear to be the jokester who started the whole fracas: Joe Gauld. Here's another one: former Hyde headmaster Ed Legg, now apparently a member of Maine's House of Representatives.

           :clown:
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          Offline Ursus

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          Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
          « Reply #11 on: September 22, 2009, 09:26:56 PM »
          Quote from: "try another castle"
          Im with teddy. I personally think that the only way to handle a bully is to beat the crap out of them, or at least try to. They normally back down. (that was my experience anyway) theyll be pissed, but theyll back down.

          Even this isnt necessarily a guarantee that theyll leave you alone, though. If they are thugs as well as cowards, theyll sic their faggoty homie friends on you.. or, theyll just blow your head off.
          I wonder just how many kids Joe Gauld has smacked around? Seems to have become a more frequent occurrence once Hyde School started enrolling girls, his preferred target. I guess he must have felt the likelihood of retaliation was probably somewhat reduced.
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          Offline Ursus

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          Solving Bullying In School
          « Reply #12 on: September 28, 2009, 01:27:23 AM »
          Lon Woodbury, whose site was the source link of Malcolm's essay in the OP, has also gotten on the bandwagon with the bullying issue. Here's his version of resolving the problem, from his Parent Empowerment blog. Unbelievably (or, perhaps unfortunately, believably, as the case may be), he comes right out and loads blame on the victim:

            ...The first flawed premise is that the bully is the whole problem, and the victim is totally innocent. It ignores the possibility that the victim might act in a way to encourage bullying, and thus perversely contributes to their own suffering.[/list]

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            Solving Bullying In School
            by Lon Woodbury on September 16, 2009

            A major issue in schools nationally is the issue of bullying. Most states have initiated legislation in an attempt to curb bullying, through providing consequences against the bully.

            This issue of bullying resonates to the staff at private residential emotional growth and therapeutic boarding schools and programs because so many of the students enrolled have either been bullies or their victims, and sometimes both. The issue is so common that having to deal with it in these schools and programs is almost routine. It is so common that it can almost be taken as a given that virtually every student in some way acts in unhealthy ways as either a bully or victim. The basis for dealing with it in these schools and programs is to build a tight structure or environment based on familiar staff involvement that allows consequences to be immediate and appropriate. In addition, the consequences are not punishment, but are treated as a lesson. For example the bully is helped to understand how his/her actions might make them more lonely and isolated and untrusted. In addition, the victim is helped to understand how his/her behaviors might encourage a bully to target them and thus subtly contribute to the problem.

            The better known approach utilized by legislatures and school districts around the country was surveyed recently by the Associated Press. The results were reported in the Atlanta-Constitution that concluded that the legislative attempt to curb bullying give scant protection. The reasons given for failure were varied, but in instance after instance the survey found that anti-bullying laws did not help. From my experience it is obvious that this common public approach to this problem is based on some flawed premises. The first flawed premise is that the bully is the whole problem, and the victim is totally innocent. It ignores the possibility that the victim might act in a way to encourage bullying, and thus perversely contributes to their own suffering.

            The other premise is that the solution is to simply punish the perpetrator. We all know that straight forward punishment often backfires and is as likely to create resentment as compliance, and the compliance often is simply an act with no lasting positive impact.

            I think the lesson we can take from this is that no matter how well intended legislators might be, they do not have the power to directly, in a command and control manner, solve the problem, and the odds are that their actions might make things worse. The way to solve the problem of bullying has been learned in many places. The ones I am most familiar with are in the network of private emotional growth/therapeutic residential schools and programs. That approach is to work with each child as an individual, intervention done by those adults who know that child well, and have earned the child's trust. This is the way both bullies and victims can learn to address their attitudes and fears causing the problem, and help them to find a way of healthier behaviors.

            This is the lesson schools and parents can take away from this and start doing something that actually helps children, instead of just demanding legislators pass a law.


            # # #
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            Offline Curious George

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            Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
            « Reply #13 on: September 28, 2009, 01:55:24 AM »
            Yea,

            You can't legistlate morality.  "The only answer to a violent attack is a more viscious and violent counter-attack"...Richard Marcinkco...commander... SEAL team Six, an acutal living breathing hero.  Not like Michael Jordan, who I respect for his sports ability, but without them would be flipping burgers at Mc
            Donald's.

            Most semi-educated non-liberal, know this, the rest are just cake-eaters.   The only thing a violent criminal fears most is not the police....it's an armed citizen.

            Didn't your parents teach you the way to handle a bully is to punch him/her out???  I know many of you are the product of Clinton's public school system.  Yea, you're all butt monkeys, right?  Grow some balls or smoke a cigar.  I think most of you have some intelligence though.   Some of you need an education in real life.

            Try growing up in a Catholic environment.  After all, for all you religion or anti-religion touting parasites...didn't you read the bilble...Christ didn't come here to unite...he came here to divide..the wheat from the chaff....anyone touting peace and love are known to be usurpers, liars, whitch doctors and possible anti-Christs's and will suffer a fools fate.

            Christ came here to divide...not unite.  Fools touting peace will burn.  We are here to divide too...the wheat from the chaff.  Choose your side.

            "The only way to survive in this life is to manipulate....and then you will get what you want.....there are life lessons in every situation....look for them and you will gain alot of knowledge and wisdom...to figure out life is impossible, but to manipulate is easy.".......aka, unknown asshole profit with his head up his ass.

            Contact soon.

            CG
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            Offline Anonymous

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            Re: What Bullies know about Bullying
            « Reply #14 on: September 28, 2009, 02:45:06 AM »
            What the hell happened to you whining about how you think RAD kids are manipulators?
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