Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > News Items
Katies Story
Anonymous:
As much as I might agree that blame is not constructive at this point, her father's reaction was cold and insensitive. Instead of asking "what made you do this" he resorted to threats, further creating distance and further compounding the problem. I think a good therapist could have done a lot of good in this situation. It seems like Katie just needed somebody to talk to who had been through similar experiences and found a "way out" of the funk of depression.
FemanonFatal2.0:
--- Quote from: "NeilW" ---Femanon (and everyone), I would caution against trying to create good guys and bad guys here.
I think we should encourage Katie to stay open minded and write her story without a predefined antagonist set upon her.
--- End quote ---
I'm all for setting my judgments on her parents aside while she writes her stories, however its apparent to me that she blames herself, and accepts the blame her parents give her without questioning it. I think its healthy to question authority and the accepted social norms because its important for young adults to learn to make up their own minds about themselves and the world around them. I am not saying that her parents reaction wasn't expected, most parents are unprepared to handle a behavior like cutting so they do what comes natural, scold, punish and pawn the problem off to some institution. But that was NOT what Katie needed. Therefore because she did not get the help (and love) she needed she shouldn't feel guilty for the money it cost them to make the wrong choice to send her to a behavior mod program.
You might all know by now I have ALWAYS been the non-conformist type, before, during and certainly after the program. No one has EVER been able to mistreat me without me resisting or standing up for myself. But it looks like Katie hasn't always had that strength, and while my observations may be from a slightly extremist point of view, if she considers an opinion opposite of hers she might decide to see things just a little different then she always has. I think its about time Katie stood up for herself, defended her problems as symptoms or reactions to the misery that her parents are creating in her life and call them out on their selfish, morbid and malicious behavior. If they think its okay for them to constantly call her out on her teenage behavior she has the right to flip the tables and point out their magnanimous parental mistakes. Sometimes it takes the child realizing that their parents aren't always right, and are very often wrong to mentally release themselves from an unnecessary amount of guilt. Especially when that guilt and lack of self esteem is the root of what is causing these symptomatic problems. I just don't understand why a parent would want to try to force a kid not to be depressed by fighting with them and making them miserable.... that really makes no sense. It only suggests that her step mother has no other parenting style besides punishment and blame, so how could we NOT place the blame on her? This woman's antics are primarily responsible for Katie becoming so depressed, severe enough to cut herself, don't you think the whole "bad guy" role is fitting in this situation?
Anonymous:
--- Quote from: "NeilW" ---Femanon (and everyone), I would caution against trying to create good guys and bad guys here. The fathers anger at seeing his daughter harmed was a natural response and he felt powerless to fix it because the person hurting his daughter was his daughter. There are also many layers that need to be considered inwhich we don’t know about. Adults don’t always just fall in love with someone elses children and then decide to marry the parent hoping someday they will love them too and be loved the same in return. Most of the time it works the other way around, the adults fall in love with each other first and then hopfully learn to love the others children. A preteen or teen having their biological mother out of the picture is hard enough but when you add a replacement it takes on a whole new set of dynamics and problems. As you read thru the fathers blog you can see that he loves his daughter very much and would never want to see her hurt. This is a family that has been harmed not just one individual. If we have learned anything from reading here on fornits expending your energy on anger, spewing venom and blaming parents, staff and programs in general does not lead to recovery or healing.
The best we can hope for is that Katie can learn to understand what happened to her and her family so that she can define it, make it tangible, hold it in her hand and begin to make sense of it all and not until then can she be able to set it down and move forward.
I think we should encourage Katie to stay open minded and write her story without a predefined antagonist set upon her.
--- End quote ---
who, do everyone, including katie, a favor and save your program promoting agenda for every other string? Do you really think its fair to do it at Katies's expense. Please shutup, you sick murdering, child abuser.
katiesthoughts:
Part three: I cannot even begin. The second round of my depression had begun.
As I said before I was doing whatever it took to be with her. I snuck out of my house only to return at 5 am before anyone was awake. I was living a secret life to be honest. Whatever she wanted I did whatever I could to give it to her. The situation at home just got worse. Diane was screaming at me every moment, and in response I screamed back. When I was at home, I would be up outside on the roof, trying to avoid everything. For my thirteenth birthday, my parents took us to New York. That was the best and worse day of my life. We went to a fancy restaurant with my extended family, and then we saw Lion King on Broadway. I felt as if they wanted to make everything with our family good again, and I felt so happy the problems were finally over….or so I thought.
We were driving to my aunts house back from the city, when I began talking about my friends, and how I wished they could have been there to experience it as well; (taking care not to mention Christy). Somehow it turned into an argument about how my friends were lazy scumbags etc. etc. I rose to their defense like a cobra and I was ready for a fight. “Those scumbags,” I screamed from my seat, “Are the only actual family that wants me around, unlike you, who doesn’t give a damn!” Diane demanded the car be stopped. She got out, and told my dad to drive back to my aunt’s, saying she needed some air. I was so angry I saw red. My blood was boiling. “WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH IT??” I screamed at my dad after we drove away. It was his turn. Calmly he said, “You will not talk about my wife like that…I will not allow you do disrespect her.” Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Why wouldn’t he say that about me? When she insulted me, he was a silent man. When I defended myself, I was the bad one, the stupid one. I Was always wrong.
That night, I went into the guestroom. I did the only thing I could think of. I cut again. I hadn’t cut ever since the hospitalization. At once I felt better. Numb. I went deep this time, feeling nothing but an emotional bliss. After I felt I was finished I went into the bathroom and cleaned myself up, making sure to bandage myself ankle and keep it hidden. I didn’t want anyone to see. I felt so relieved I couldn’t bear it if I ended up being wrong again.
A few hours later sitting at the table in the kitchen reading Diane got home. She saw me and went off. She kept her voiced low, so as to not have anyone else hear her:
:flame: “You stupid little bitch. You are the main issue in this family and if you ever fucking talk like that to me again I swear I will hit you so hard you can’t remember your own name. I don’t know why you can’t be a decent human being. Your brothers are afraid of you. Nobody wants you around them! Why can’t you be more like your brothers, like normal people? You have to be such a pain in the ass! :flame: :heartbreak: :waaaa:
I was in shock, and in that one moment all affection that I had for her died in me. I hated her. I thought to myself how she was a stupid horrible person. I watched her walk upstairs acting like she had just taken out the garbage or cleaned the dishes. Then the anger faded leaving the thought: I was the problem. I was her garbage that she tried to hide from everyone. I was an embarrassment.
I remember nothing else from the trip, only that I was almost a ghost, isolating myself from the family, since I was the black sheep in our white flock. I was the failure. Getting back to the comfort of my friends I threw myself into my behaviors, thinking my family would be happier were I not there. I grew distant. I started stealing money for cigarettes and alcohol, and taking my meds more than directed. I felt like I was never going to be good enough, so I avoided them to stay way from criticism.
I started 8th grade. 6 months went by. Bullies make me easy pickings. I was the loner, bigger girl who had the scars. I was an easy target. Especially for boys. I was overweight and I ate to cope with it. One day I got home and directly went to Christy’s. We walked around, and not knowing it, my dad had left to pick up my brother from his practice. He saw me and her walking as he was driving home. He stopped the car and told me to get in. he was so angry. I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t hear anything of what he said. To this day I still don’t know what he told me in the car, I’m sure it was not too pretty. I was grounded. I read books. I cut. I cried.
Again I was forbidden to see her. I didn’t care. She was the only one I could ever relate to… I went against his will anyway.
To get away from school and bullies I began to fake sick, forcing myself to puke so I could go home. ::puke:: I wouldn’t stay in bed like I was told. I would leave the house, with no opinion of who saw me. I was an empty shell.
It was a Tuesday. I got home from school. I had been pushed to the limit by bullies. I wanted the pain to stop! KHYS said that everything had to worse before it got better, or there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Where was my goddamn sunshine? I was angry and began to cry. Again I resulted to the only thing I could. I cut myself.. I was light headed and angry, I cut deeper than I meant to. I didn’t notice at that point however I just wanted the pain to end, so I continued hacking at my arms. All the while my dad had gotten home from work, and I didn’t notice. He walked into the room. He screamed “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Running over he grabbed the razor from my hand, while I tried to fight him off. Baby why are you doing this? He was crying. He pulled me to him and held me, my blood staining his shirt. He was talking gently a, stroking my head as I cried. Then he cleaned me up and out bandages on my arms. He held me close to him and called my brother upstairs telling him to get the phone and a blanket.
He held me and called the only place he could think of. KHYS. I was admitted again. The looks of the staff were that of scorn and disappointment that I had returned to treatment. The one nurse who was not condescending, and held me for a long time was Mollie. She was so kind the first time around; keeping me company and giving me the affection I needed. She was so warm as she held me. I never wanted her to let go. :'(
That is about all i can handle for today. But i want to thank you all again for reading. Part four will be posted tomorrow.
Any comments or questions email me:
Kazzie2008@hotmail.com
Oscar:
About part III:
Once again I remain amazed. How can the people at the hospital be surprised or disappointed of your return? You were only stabilized the first time. You were not treated. I know that we have a huge waiting list for youth here in Denmark but at least it is common knowledge what it takes to progress from a suicide attempt.
I have been looking at NAMI’s latest statistic and there seems for sure that there is a long way to go.
It is tough reading. It certainly called for intense family therapy – not only therapy involving your father and step-mom but also your birth mom.
Still however, I must say that there still was no reason to get you into a therapeutic boarding school. We have continuation schools here and while they are very used by people who for some reason cannot function in the general school system. We call them hideouts from the real world. The students are general happy with them and they don’t offer therapy. Ok. They cross dress and use sleep deprivation but the students goes home most weekends if they want.
Another problem I hope that time has taken care of in your place is the issue of school bullying. I hope that precaution is taken to reduce this evilness. At the school my kids are attending there are special teachers educated to diffuse this. Some of the students have received special education in solving conflicts. If a class is to remain competitive it cannot be in conflict with itself.
It is quiet common for people who are being side kicked by life to be together. We had several cases where girls were bullied together and then they are ending up in the newspapers when they learn to turn their anger outwards. You didn’t reach that stage with Christy. I wonder where she is today.
Anyway I am surprised that they didn’t discuss living with relatives before the second suicide. Maybe they were too caught up in the situation.
I think that you are unspeakable brave to write this story and I understand why you are tired. Take the time before you write the next installment.
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