Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform > News Items
Katies Story
TheWho:
ok people, i have read the things you have written. this is katie. i am an 18 year old who struggles alot. thinking about it i am in an undeniable way afraid to do things after the program. for the first few months i was afraid to even look at or talk with boys. At the "program" we were seperated and told that it was bad for us to interact. i am still afraid of many things, such as the fact that in july i turn 19 and i will have to get an aprtment. i am scared so much. sometimes i wonder if there is an actual place for me in the world. i have made mistakes. throughout the program i learned things, i saw things, and yes I was physically restrained. i still remeber the staff joking about the isolation room as "happy land". i was in that room 6 times. The first few months were very difficult and were hard on me. i still hold alot of guilt over my head becuase of "wasting my parents money". Not only do my parents feel as if it was a waste of time and money, but they feel as if it could be better spent on our family or my older's brothers/ stepsisters college.
Right now, seeing my own words on the blog scares me. What if my parent see them? will there be al hell to pay? I am not afraid of saying what i feel... but i am afraid of what Diane will do. (OH! I have not caled her a bitch or any rude names in months by the way, i am trying to stay out of the line of fire...) In all honesty i do love her. She is the only mother i have ever known and, she has really taken a risk to be in my life. i have not been the best step daughter... but i do love her. Even now, when i tell her this she ignores me and it breaks my heart... For my daddy, he is the best dad anyone could ask for... he has fought for me all if my life... he saved me from my biological mother, but he has led me into the relationship with Diane.
I will be posting comments of my opinions and story daily starting with this. If you wish i will do an autobiography fro those of you who want to watch out for the warnign signs. But please know this: I love my family. Even though it hurts me to say this i feel as if things would be better for them if i were not around ( In which i am reminded of quite often) for those of you who want to comment feel free to do so, but know that i will not tollerate abuse of any kind. I want people to know my thoughts or feelings, so tomorrow our journey thorugh my life will begin.
Thanks for reading.Please any comments or questions email me @ Kazzie2008@hotmail.com
(dont take advantage of this though.) Katie's thoughts
Ursus:
Hi Katie! I replied to your post on the other thread, but if you want to keep your story separate from that thread, that's cool too...
psy:
I'll respond more in the mean time, but for now, please stop feeling guilty over your *parent's choice* to waste their money on cross creek. I know they must give you the standard "we've spent so much money on you and you are such a disappointment" line, but please try not to take it to heart. Regardless of what issues you may or may not have had, there are at-home options, and it was your parents' choice to send you away. You did not "make" them send you away and as such you should feel no guilt over their bad choices. I would argue it's them that should feel guilty to sending you into a program with such a horrendous track record.
I would very much like to hear your story, so i'll stop here and let you tell it.
Also, minor note... I don't think you'll get much abuse at all on this forum, but it is unmoderated here, so if you feel like it's getting too harsh, you might want to post in the CAN forum, which is moderated. link here:
viewforum.php?f=59
Anonymous:
Hello.
As promised I am at the beginning of my journey with you. For starters I want to begin by saying I am apprehensive of what I will have to remember and think about. I need your support not only to keep me moving forward, but to help me see myself as a person whose story is worth being told.
I am not going to start at the very beginning of my life, but rather later on when my problems fist started. You see, I don’t remember much, due to mental blockage. My mind has blocked out all of the times I spent with my mother, and even now I shiver with fear thinking of how my life was when she was in my life. My parents began the divorce when I was seven years old. I was forced into therapy to evaluate if there would be any emotional scarring. I remember the woman. She was like the fist grade teacher you never forget, you know the one… she made you feel like you were the poster child for cuteness. She had me draw pictures for her, while she talked to me. One day, she asked me who I wanted to live with. As a seven year old what do you expect? I told her “My daddy, because mommy can take care of herself.”
My older brother and I went to live with my Dad. My younger brothers went with my mom to live in New Mexico. And that is the starting line in which we begin. For 4 years I blamed myself for the divorce thinking it was my fault for the family to be split up… if only I was a better child, if only if only, if only. My dad constantly told me that it wasn’t my fault and that canned line “We both love you, but we don’t love each other anymore”. If they both loved me so much, why did my mom leave me? After a few years of holiday visitations my father fought for us in court. He was given full custody of my brothers and I, and for a while we were together. We missed our mother terribly, but our dad made up for it. He gave us everything he could. He was the mother, the father… he was our best friend.
As people grow older they get lonely. My father met Diane on a chat room for people who want to fix their marriages. Soon after the divorce my dad began dating her. I remember Miss Diane. Sweet, kind, funny… then one summer we went to visit our mother in New Mexico. During that summer my Dad married Diane. (My brothers and I were not involved in the ceremony which is kind of messed up if you ask me) For that year things were not much different, Diane would visit from Minnesota for a week, every month or so, then we got a new house and she moved in.
The first year went smoothly enough. There were adjustments to be made, but when families combine that is expected. Diane even took me on a girl’s weekend to Chicago, and I had the greatest time. All the while the relationship between my mother and me was growing cryptic. She would tell me horrible things about my father, how he had an affair, how I wasn’t worth the trouble of raising… etc. I believed her, she was my mother after all. I began to resent Diane, to hold a grudges. I was 12 years old. I didn’t know any better. My mother would say one thing, my dad and Diane would say another. I was lost in a loop of truth and deceit.
My dad’s time was divided between his wife and his kids. Immediately, I noticed the change in things. She became strict and different as if she was a warden coming into a new prison to find all the convicts allowed to leaving the facility for months at a time. I began to wonder if the sweet kind and funny person was an act. But my dad was in love with her, so I decided to let him be happy. (In my 11 year old mind I thought I was obligated to this still thinking I caused the divorce.)
I began to rebel against her, thinking that I would lose my dad. We both treated each other poorly. Soon it was a war zone in our house. I began to rebel in different ways I made friends with a girl who introduced me into cigarettes alcohol and cutting. That’s when it all went wrong.
Well. I don’t want to tell it all in one night would I?? :hug: LOL Thank you for reading my own meandering experience. I will write more tomorrow. Again any questions or comments you know where to go.
Kazzie2008@hotmail.com
Anonymous:
Hi Katie, welcome. I am going to write you later when i have more time. But quickly, I want to tell you what a kind person you seem like and how great your life is going to be, with a little luck.
Some things very briefly. After getting out of program a lot of kids are confused about their past.
Some think things that aren't true at all, like that they were/are drug addicts, or, that they were sick, bad people...They also think certain things about their parents that aren't true. WWASP, CEDU, ASPEN, and other programs have their version of your life that they force you to accept as true. its very confusing and it takes some time to figure out what's real, and what's WWASP's spin on your life
it usually takes moving away from your parents, time, education, and friends to tell you about their adolescences to put it in perspective.
Just realize, what was done to you was not your fault; it was your parents fault. Their bankruptcy is their comeuppance, in one tiny way. Don't feel bad about it.
Think about joining this lawsuit.
http://74.125.93.104/search?q=cache:IfK ... clnk&gl=us
Contact isac. They’ll put you in touch with the right people
http://www.isaccorp.org/
or contact this woman, who released that press announcement:
Isabelle Zehnder
Founder and President
Coalition Against Institutionalized Child Abuse (CAICA)
360-903-3951
info@caica.org
You are out so soon…write down everything you can remember about what was done to you, not necessarily publicly, just so you can remember it in the future. It will be good to have everything down to use if you want to press criminal charges or join that lawsuit. For holding you prisoner, alone, the leaders of WWASP deserves to pay with their lives
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