blog of a program parent

[Anonymous]

What's the deal with program parents and blogging about their kids online? The teens living at home should start a blog about their parents, and tell the world about all of their problems, struggles and secrets- and see how they like it.

[Anonymous]

jjust checkin..she knew you would post her response? That might upset her, if not :soapbox:  :rasta:  :shamrock:

[FemanonFatal2.0]

jjust checkin..she knew you would post her response? That might upset her, if not :soapbox:  :rasta:  :shamrock:

yes I asked her.

[Anonymous]

just sent her a letter to her too. She's seems like such a sweet person. I mean, she likes twilight and vampires..she seems like a totally "typical" young person. More typical than I ever was. But, god, I guess she..I don't know..didn't want to go to school..lock her up!!

[Oscar]

It could make at really good book with the blog and her comments mixed together.

FemanonFatal2.0:

You have contact to her. Write her about this idea. So far we only have Comeback as a statement of the parent-child relationship during and after a program.

It would be nice if the media had a more balanced view of this situation. If she wants a ghost writer to help her, we could help her but someone with a better english grammar should make the final touch.

I believe that writing her side of the story blog-entry, would provide her some healing therapy too.

She has apparently a lot of problems right now and I guess that some of the siblings are hostile because regardless of the father acknowledge it or not, the program took their money and only provided warehousing for her.

If she gets it published she would have a something to start her life on too. Suggest her that. It will be hard work for her because it will take her to her darkest corners and their abusive "therapy" has taken her someplace where none want to go.

But I believe based on our other caseworkers continued work with people who are doing the exact same with their experience in other programs that she would find it rewarding in the end.

She can contact me by mail: oscar<a>secretprisonsforteens.dk if she is interested.

[TheWho]

Sorry to burst your bubble but that's not a fresh idea here, that's just about the same excuse we hear from every program parent.

There was no excuse written that I saw.  Just feed back and some thoughts.

I will admit that I have not personally experienced every program out there, so I've left the possibility open that programs that are not built on the same or similar system as those we know to be abusive , MIGHT be helpful, but to this day I haven't been given the name of even ONE program by a program parent that I couldn't prove from multiple first hand witnesses that there are abusive.

I believe you.  If I was abused in a public school system by a gym teacher in the showers or elsewhere I would probably feel the same way you do about schools that have gym classes.  If I set up a web site I could probably get a few kids from virtually every school to say they were abused in one way or another, forced to throw balls at each other in an attempt to humiliate each other.  Force the kids to choose sides in basketball leaving the short kids left last to be chosen.  What does this do for self esteem?  Kids being taken off school grounds and raped by their teachers.  Others detained against their will for hours after school for minor infractions being forced to write " I will not throw erasers at the teacher" 1,000 times like some chinese repetative tortured thought reform.  Some schools force the kids to wear uniforms and turn a blind eye to hazing.  I may try to get all the schools shut down and blindly say if you have a gym program, detain kids or force them to wear uniforms without due process then the school is abusive and solicit testimonials from each school and then post the most damaging ones to support my believes.  Even though millions of kids go through the school systems each year all I need is one or two solicited negative posts to support my views.

It seems that you assume because your daughter wasn't physically assaulted and doesn't have the mind to tell you what the program did to her was wrong, means everything was okay.

I think we all have to assume this.  If your child comes home from school each day and tells you she had a good day then you may be inclined to believe her.

Meaning that the programs, despite avoiding any kind of state regulation were able to create a completely new system void of any and all human rights violations. I'm sorry but that's highly unlikely. I must maintain that this entire industry that was built on a broken system is still operating in the same way because if they weren't they would not be considered a Behavior Modification Program. But just to let you know, kids "change" after they get out of abusive programs too, the success of the child doesn't trump evidence of abuse. Success after the program only suggests that your kid was willing to grow out of that teenage stage, and most definitely would have done so even if you didn't spend her college fund on a private prison.

I believe that kids will continue to grow whether they attended an abusive program or a non abusive one.  The child that attended an abusive program would have a lot more baggage and problems to overcome than the child who did not and would probably struggle a bit longer after graduation to fit back into society.
Why do people here think that Bahavior Mod is such a bad thing?  It is part of our every day life.

I don't think the issue is that we are being unrealistic, I think where we end up seeing things differently is where we stand on what methods you can accept as "treatment" and what we recognize as psychological torment and human rights violations. These things are very serious in the eyes of the law, yet parents feel are necessary in order to keep their child controlled and that is where we can't see eye to eye because we would never justify abuse and false imprisonment for the sake of parental control.

I think if you spoke to any parent or program parent they would not want their child imprisoned or abused and if they chose to do nothing at all many of the kids would end up abused by society and or imprisoned.  How could a parent justify refusing help to their own child and then watching that child descend into a life style that will eventually consume them?

The reason we feel so strongly about this is because we remember what it feels like, granted you don't because you weren't in a program but I'm sure you remember being a teenager so try to sympathize with their feelings instead of always placing the blame of their past to justify your actions.

I don’t feel it is always the child’s fault.  Many times the problem is a family issue.  Most parents don’t look back and try to justify their actions.  Do you think the kids look back and try to justify their actions that may have lead to being placed in a program?  I would say some do and some don’t.

We aren't talking about whether your kids deserved it or even genuinely needed help, we fight because what they are doing to the kids in these programs is just wrong on both a legal and moral level. It's not treatment, I don't know when you people will understand that you can't justify getting you child "help" if you aren't sending them to treatment. I understand you don't think that ALL programs cross that line but I can verify that the majority of them do, whether you are able to recognize that or not.

Let me ask you... what program did your daughter go to and how long has she been out?

If I mentioned the name of the program the masses would descend down upon me with negative posts right down to the color of the socks they had to wear lol.  This thread would be so heavily trolled that this discussion would no longer be possible.

[Anonymous]

The more time TheWho wastes on fornits making absurd arguments, the less time that person has to affect people negatively in real life. So fornits really does the world a favor in this regard.

[Anonymous]

ok people, i have read the things you have written. this is katie. i am an 18 year old who struggles alot. thinking about it i am in an undeniable way afraid to do things after the program. for the first few months i was afraid to even look at or talk with boys. At the "program" we were seperated and told that it was bad for us to interact. i am still afraid of many things, such as the fact that in july i turn 19 and i will have to get an aprtment. i am scared so much. sometimes i wonder if there is an actual place for me in the world. i have made mistakes. throughout the program i learned things, i saw things, and yes I was physically restrained. i still remeber the staff joking about the isolation room as "happy land". i was in that room 6 times. The first few months were very difficult and were hard on me. i still hold alot of guilt over my head becuase of "wasting my parents money". Not only do my parents feel as if it was a waste of time and money, but they feel as if it could be better spent on our family or my older's brothers/ stepsisters college.

Right now, seeing my own words on the blog scares me. What if my parent see them? will there be al hell to pay? I am not afraid of saying what i feel... but i am afraid of what Diane will do. (OH! I have not caled her a bitch or any rude names in months by the way, i am trying to stay out of the line of fire...) :heartbreak:  In all honesty i do love her. She is the only mother i have ever known and, she has really taken a risk to be in my life. i have not been the best step daughter... but i do love her. Even now, when i tell her this she ignores me and it breaks my heart... For my daddy, he is the best dad anyone could ask for... he has fought for me all if my life... he saved me from my biological mother, but he has led me into the relationship with Diane.

I will be posting comments of my opinions and story daily starting with this. If you wish i will do an autobiography fro those of you who want to watch out for the warnign signs. But please know this: I love my family. Even though it hurts me to say this i feel as if things would be better for them if i were not around ( In which i am reminded of quite often) for those of you who want to comment feel free to do so, but know that i will not tollerate abuse of any kind.  I want people to know my thoughts or feelings, so tomorrow our journey thorugh my life will begin.

Thanks for reading.Please any comments or questions email me @ [email protected]
(dont take advantage of this though.) :waaaa:

[maruska]

Hi Katie!
I am happy to see you here!

[Ursus]

Welcome, Katie!

But please know this: I love my family.

Although I am sure that there are some truly evil parents out there, I usually prefer to focus my ire on programs. It is, after all, they who take advantage of parents' perceived desperation (most of the time it isn't even half as bad as they think it is), and who milk it for all that it's worth for their own financial gain and self-rationalization.

Glad to have you on board!

[FemanonFatal2.0]

Hi Katie Thank you so much for coming to the forum, I know it can be a little bit intimidating but you are very brave, and hopefully will lead to some healing.

To everyone, Please be nice, I was a bit apprehensive about leading Katie to this forum because its not exactly a support group, and considering her situation support is really what she needs. I hope that we can all be respectful when commenting on this thread.

To Neil, reading your last post, I'm just about done responding to you because its obvious you just don't get it. Programs are NOTHING like public schools and if I was assaulted in a gym bathroom in a public school I certainly wouldn't condemn all public schools. It comes down to the simple fact that you dont know what its like to live in a program, to be dragged through that system, and since you have such a wall built up around your opinion of the particular school your daughter went to its impossible for me to explain that to you. I think the best thing you can do at this point is tell us what school your daughter went to and we can find out if that school runs an abusive program or not. If it does, it will prove my point that brainwashing works and your a sucker, If not, I will be happy to admit that I am wrong and not all schools that practice tough love are abusive. But until there is evidence on the table there isn't much sense in going in circles with this discussion.

[Anonymous]

We aren't talking about whether your kids deserved it or even genuinely needed help, we fight because what they are doing to the kids in these programs is just wrong on both a legal and moral level. It's not treatment, I don't know when you people will understand that you can't justify getting you child "help" if you aren't sending them to treatment. I understand you don't think that ALL programs cross that line but I can verify that the majority of them do, whether you are able to recognize that or not.

Let me ask you... what program did your daughter go to and how long has she been out?

If I mentioned the name of the program the masses would descend down upon me with negative posts right down to the color of the socks they had to wear lol.  This thread would be so heavily trolled that this discussion would no longer be possible.

If you want some background on the Neil/who, read this thread..it's only 235 pages long. neil/who claims to have had a daughter at Academy at Swift River and SUWS and have a "fiduciary" connection to ASPEN education, captivity centers which confirmatively execute systematic torture and thought reform upon their detainees.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?t=16007

Many brIefly make the mistake of thinking its a "program parent" and try to communicate with it, only to find it's something far stranger

I believe you. If I was abused in a public school system by a gym teacher in the showers or elsewhere I would probably feel the same way you do about schools that have gym classes.?

No one here, abused in public school or not, has stated public schools are gulags. I was assaulted by a taxi driver. I do not feel the taxi industry needs to be shut down. The absurd conclusions you accuse us of drawing are not drawn.

 If we lived in Bizarro World, where “public schools” had "escorts" who physically dragged people, 7-21 to isolated compound, where the abducted would be physically prevented from escape by a variety of torturous methods , were all run by an incestuous group of people with cultic backgrounds who all had a history of torturing, and who had legal leeway to implement torture and sexual abuse, all while making fraudulant claims of providing medical "help," then we’d want Bizzaro World “Public Schools” ended.

In this world, the violations of human rights outlined above occur only in what are titled “programs,” which is why you do NOT see lawsuit after lawsuit, criminal charge after criminal charge, and book after book detailing organized torture against the owners of the “public schools industry” or public school survivor groups accusing public schools of being cultic associations of organized torture.

But, you know that. The End.

[Anonymous]

The more time TheWho wastes on fornits making absurd arguments, the less time that person has to affect people negatively in real life. So fornits really does the world a favor in this regard.

very funny

[TheWho]

To Neil, reading your last post, I'm just about done responding to you because its obvious you just don't get it. Programs are NOTHING like public schools and if I was assaulted in a gym bathroom in a public school I certainly wouldn't condemn all public schools.

They are a great deal alike, they house teens and hire people to oversee them.  If a child is abused it doesn’t matter if it is a church or a school, daycare or a program.  They will have a hard time trusting the place again and the child would probably have to be home schooled or tutored.  I expect you would never want to go to a program again and I don’t blame you.

It comes down to the simple fact that you dont know what its like to live in a program, to be dragged through that system, and since you have such a wall built up around your opinion of the particular school your daughter went to its impossible for me to explain that to you.

You may be right, I think we both may have built walls up around us.  But, I see myself as open minded.  I have seen the success of programs and have read here about the failures.  I have not been personally damaged by the system so I have the unique ability to see both sides and feel I can weigh the pros and cons without bias.

I think the best thing you can do at this point is tell us what school your daughter went to and we can find out if that school runs an abusive program or not. If it does, it will prove my point that brainwashing works and your a sucker, If not, I will be happy to admit that I am wrong and not all schools that practice tough love are abusive. But until there is evidence on the table there isn't much sense in going in circles with this discussion.

I don’t treat this discussion as trying to prove that I am right and you are wrong.  I have benefitted from our dialog.  Long after we are both gone there will still be people who care enough for the  kids in this world to create special schools targeted for special needs.  Parents who step out of the cookie cutter one fits all public school system and dare get their child help outside the publicly funded system will be criticized like program parents are today.  But I believe parents will always seek out the best for their children regardless of the criticism because family members stick together and help one another and make enormous sacrifices both monetarily and emotionally to ensure each other’s safety.  What you don’t understand is that parents just don’t give up on their children.  There is a special bond that develops and until you have children of your own you may not understand it.

Naming a school isn’t going to make you prove your point, femanon.  Doesnt make a difference what school I named you could find a post which shows it to be abusive.  The same with your local public school.  You could find a kid who was abused and ridiculed during gym class who got pummelled during dodge ball or forced to write repetitive sentences in an attempt to force them to conform if that was your aim.  I do admit I am a little stubborn in my thinking.

I do thank you for your candor, femanon it was refreshing and unique for here, and I like how you stood up for yourself.  I have learned a little more about both of us during our back and forth.  I think it is good to end here as I believe Katie could use your focus and some support right now.

Neil

[Anonymous]

Hello.
As promised I am at the beginning of my journey with you. For starters I want to begin by saying I am apprehensive of what I will have to remember and think about. I need your support not only to keep me moving forward, but to help me see myself as a person whose story is worth being told.

I am not going to start at the very beginning of my life, but rather later on when my problems fist started. You see, I don’t remember much, due to mental blockage. My mind has blocked out all of the times I spent with my mother, and even now I shiver with fear thinking of how my life was when she was in my life. My parents began the divorce when I was seven years old. I was forced into therapy to evaluate if there would be any emotional scarring. I remember the woman. She was like the fist grade teacher you never forget, you know the one… she made you feel like you were the poster child for cuteness. She had me draw pictures for her, while she talked to me. One day, she asked me who I wanted to live with. As a seven year old what do you expect? I told her “My daddy, because mommy can take care of herself.”

My older brother and I went to live with my Dad. My younger brothers went with my mom to live in New Mexico. And that is the starting line in which we begin. For 4 years I blamed myself for the divorce thinking it was my fault for the family to be split up… if only I was a better child, if only if only, if only. My dad constantly told me that it wasn’t my fault and that canned line “We both love you, but we don’t love each other anymore”. If they both loved me so much, why did my mom leave me? After a few years of holiday visitations my father fought for us in court. He was given full custody of my brothers and I, and for a while we were together. We missed our mother terribly, but our dad made up for it. He gave us everything he could. He was the mother, the father… he was our best friend.

As people grow older they get lonely. My father met Diane on a chat room for people who want to fix their marriages. Soon after the divorce my dad began dating her. I remember Miss Diane. Sweet, kind, funny… then one summer we went to visit our mother in New Mexico. During that summer my Dad married Diane. (My brothers and I were not involved in the ceremony which is kind of messed up if you ask me) For that year things were not much different, Diane would visit from Minnesota for a week, every month or so, then we got a new house and she moved in.

The first year went smoothly enough. There were adjustments to be made, but when families combine that is expected. Diane even took me on a girl’s weekend to Chicago, and I had the greatest time. All the while the relationship between my mother and me was growing cryptic. She would tell me horrible things about my father, how he had an affair, how I wasn’t worth the trouble of raising… etc. I believed her, she was my mother after all. I began to resent Diane, to hold a grudges. I was 12 years old. I didn’t know any better. My mother would say one thing, my dad and Diane would say another. I was lost in a loop of truth and deceit.


My dad’s time was divided between his wife and his kids. Immediately, I noticed the change in things. She became strict and different as if she was a warden coming into a new prison to find all the convicts allowed to leaving the facility for months at a time. I began to wonder if the sweet kind and funny person was an act. But my dad was in love with her, so I decided to let him be happy. (In my 11 year old mind I thought I was obligated to this still thinking I caused the divorce.)
I began to rebel against her, thinking that I would lose my dad. We both treated each other poorly. Soon it was a war zone in our house. I began to rebel in different ways I made friends with a girl who introduced me into cigarettes alcohol and cutting. That’s when it all went wrong.

Well. I don’t want to tell it all in one night would I??  LOL Thank you for reading my own meandering experience. I will write more tomorrow. Again any questions or comments you know where to go.

[email protected]