Not too awful long ago, I was privy to a conversation in regard to the Japanese Army personnel left in the jungles of various islands through out the Southern Pacific. They, for one reason or another had been instructed to stay, continue to fight the war until they were told otherwise. Now, seems the Japanese people in general are a most dutiful group of people, and as it turned out many of these men did as instructed.
It was not until the mid 1970’s these last few warriors were plucked from the jungle of the islands they had well protected since the early to mid 1940’s. The Japanese government sought out the remaining, high-ranking officials(all retired). They had them re-dressed in their finest military garb of that time period, including medals and samara swords. They went trekking thru these jungles calling out to the warriors, cajoling them from their entrenchments along mountainsides, valleys and ridgelines.
One by one the warriors, recognizing the military leaders of their time, complied. They laid their arms down and slowly came out of hiding. They were loaded on ships and taken back to Japan, where they received a hero’s welcome. Full military services were conducted for these men in their honor. They were thanked (and ya gotta admit, the Japanese are masters at “thank you”) for their service to country and for their unwavering loyalty and devotion to their posts, instructions and to their “superiors” that had given the orders to “Stay Put” and fight the good fight.
Now surely, somewhere along the line, someone, somebody, some entity informed them….”Um…fellas…the war has been over now for some 30 odd years.” And the realization must have sunk in, that they had stayed in the jungles, with loaded weapons, dilapidated uniforms…for no reason, the war was over. They were unaware a truce had been made.
Their own countrymen did not laugh at their “being stuck in a jungle, fighting a war that no longer existed”. As I said, they did just the opposite. These men were highly honored and viewed as heroes…not doddering old fools that didn’t have enough common sense to say WTF, we be screwed over big time. The men were not upset, they had somehow managed to save face and save ass at the same time (not an easy task).
The conversation struck a deep cord within me. Ever conscious of Straight Inc, it’s aftermath. All the suffering endured, by myself and scores of others during incarceration, after incarceration and a life time since incarceration. This conversation resonated thru me. Thoughts of “No Child Left Behind” and “Human Rights” swarmed thru my head real thick. Yet mixed in with these types of thoughts, bubbled up another thought: “The war was over!”
My apologies for taking this as personal as I did and still do. I received no heroes welcome, nor was I enshrouded with “Honor”. I was not held in any high esteem…. However, for me, indeed, the horror of the war, my incarceration in Straight Inc was long over, over 30 years now. But like so many others, there is/was this stigma left hanging over my head, not unlike some dark cloud, looming over my head like “Bad Luck Schleprock” from the Flintstone cartoons.
Over the following days, I kept reflecting on Richard Mullinax’s LOA. For the first time in many many years I felt a sense of respect for what I had endured. A high ranking official calling from the valley floor, apologizing….Was it really true? Was the “War” really over…was there no longer a need to take up arms, to hide in the thickets of my own inner landscape, poised to attack, ready to execute my best training received within the warehouse walls of Straight Inc.?
My circular thinking brought me back to my thoughts of “Healing” and further into my thoughts on “Forgiveness”. With Richards LOA, which I felt to be sincere, I could allow myself to “Heal” and to no small degree, “Forgive”. Of course each of us have our own unique definition of “Healing” and “Forgiveness”. It is beyond the scope of this post to imply that my understanding (as it unfolds) is appropriate and fitting for everyone. My personal “Healing” is just that-my personal healing. This does not negate my genuine wish for all of us to have “Healing”, yet I understand we all will “heal” in our own way and so I continue to strive for words that promote “healing”.
As far as “Forgiveness” goes, I am of the opinion that this also is an individual matter. I cannot think of, nor do I want to draw up an outline of the “Forgiveness” process. This I can do for myself, this I can come to understand for myself. But, for others, not so much. I haven’t any answers that would universally appeal to all who have walked in my shoes. As I think on it further, I am not sure it is my place to suggest that anyone “forgive”. We each have a burden to carry here, and no one person I think is capable of doing that for another.
For me, yes, the war is over! I don’t require a hero’s welcome. I don’t require any special treatment because I continued to fight, long after the war was over. And it, I believe, was a personal fight, for personal reasons…which shouldn’t be difficult to understand. I simply don’t want to fight anymore; I am tired of the raging internal battles. I saw, personally a need to “forgive”, so that I may have some hint of peace. As before, with my personal battles, this venture of “forgiveness” is also personal. None of you can “forgive” for me. As that stands, I cannot “forgive” for anyone else. It is strictly a persons choice. For my own sense of sanity, I saw the need for “Forgiveness” for what happened to me personally.
Stating that I saw the “need for forgiveness” I don’t want to mislead anyone into thinking I have gotten any further than that… I simply saw the need. As such, my “forgiveness” is very much still a work in progress as is my own “Healing”.
I recognize that my conceptualization of these notions may not sit well with others. I understand the fact that some may be diametrically opposed to these notions and that is ok. It is not my wish to bring anyone to one side of the table or another. That’s your choice. I simply got up early, finally had the time to write. And I chose to write what has been on my mind as of late.
Much Healing
woof
x-posted
