Answer me this: do you really think the kid is going to do better if:
A. he fails on his own ( IF and that's a big IF ) and decides he needs to help himself
B. somebody says "you will get help for a problem I say you have or else"
If he fails on his own, that could mean death depending on what drugs we are talking about. He might not know that people are willing to help him at that point, or how or where to get help from. Sometimes it is necessary to offer an ultimatum to encourage the person to get help. The "or else" in this case is justified.
Well, if that were true, we'd have to hold people innocent for crimes they commit under the influence if they were "addicts". But that's not the way the law works. People are responsible for their actions. To blame a drug alcohol "addiction" is a scapegoat and a poor one at that. Do you have any evidence drugs directly forced (forced.. remember your definition) that kid to steal his parents money / property?
If you drive drunk and kill someone you are not charged with murder, but with vehicular manslaughter which has a greatly reduced sentence.
The posters told us that the kid is stealing drugs from them, and money. I'm assuming they are talking about prescription medication.
I was afriad you were going to say "dead insane in jail". You have any evidence this kid is an "addict", or are you just diagnosing him over the internet. Are you a doctor (and yes, addiction is a medical problem which requires a medical diagnosis)? I'm saying "give him a chance to suceed on his own and make his own path" you are saying "NO! Control him!".
I'd say jail most likely, dead is the worst outcome. These things do happen to people who are addicted to drugs and never get help or change their behavior. Whether I'm right about the kid being addicted or not is irrelevant, because like you said it is up to a doctor to decide, which he will see if entered into a 30 day drug rehab. If he gets a free apartment for him and his friends to get high all day long in until the free money runs out, he will never see a doctor.
Steering is one thing. Saying "you will do this or else" is another.
How else can you get a person addicted to drugs to enter rehab? Drugs have a strong allure and if left to their own devices, a drug addict will choose drugs over rehab almost 100%. Not because rehab is such a terrible thing, but because they want to keep getting high. Sure you can just let them be, but with that comes risks. In my opinion, the risk of entering a medically based 30 day rehab is less than the risks associated with doing nothing. Again, assuming that the kid h as a drug problem.
Yes, because first off, it's not my body. Are you pro life or pro choice? why? Secondly, I could not predict the future and there would be no way for me to know whether he would succeed or not. Fear of the unknown is something that is part and parcel with parenthood. I've already covered my objections in terms of program success rates.
It is your house though as the parent. Are you going to let your kid steal your prescriptions and money from you and still do nothing? Let them stay out for days at a time, coming home only to 'crash' all the while holding steadfast to your ideological objections to 'coercive' drug treatment? For all we know this kid is addicted to meth, which would explain the staying out for days at a time and sleeping all day during crashes.
So you can tell the future? He will fail on his own, with such certainty. It's almost religious in nature. Tell me. Are you an AA/NA/Al-anon member? You are suggesting estricting somebody from having a chance to make their own decisions because you claim that if they do they will certainly make choices you disapprove of. Well. You don't know that. You really don't. In any case, the kid has a right to live as he wants on his own (the short term apt until he finds his job is a courtesy).
If the kid wanted a job, he could have one while living at home. The poster said kid dropped out of high school. What makes you think the behavior of the kid will suddenly and miraculously change when provided with an apartment? I don't claim to see the future. I am claiming that a individual prone to using drugs will not stop all of a sudden because they are provided with the facade of a sober life. Yes this kid has a right to live on their own, but the parents are not required to pay for it. No I am not an AA member.
Who says he will spend his money on a drug addiction?
The kid's actions tell us. He is willing to steal drugs and money from
his family to support his habit. That means he is willing to compromise his own morals in order to feed an addiction. That shows us if he is handed money, that most likely it will go to the drugs.
I'm saying the parents should pay for an apt for a few months, give him some cash to start off (if he chooses to spend it on drugs, that's his business) and let him on his own. That's not subsidizing anything explicity.
It's not just his business, since the family is subsidizing it. What if he overdoses in the apartment from the huge batch of drugs he was able to buy with his cash handout? What if he invites his drug abusing friends to live in his apartment and one of them dies? The family would be responsible. Instead of setting up such a failure-prone situation, why not use the same money and energy to help them enter into treatment. They can offer the apartment and money when the kid shows they want, and are ready to start a normal sober life. Until then, it would just be another setting for the same behavior to continue.
It's saying "here is an opportunity to make something of your life. Here is an apartment and some cash. Do with it what you will. This is the last you will get from us We will love you always and if you ever feel like you need comfort or aid, we will always be here to comfort and love you, but we can no longer have you in the house because of your theft. You have a right to put what you want in your own body, but should you feel you need help, will will support you in a rehabilitation program of your choosing.
I think that is a noble idea, but it has to happen after the drug rehab. Otherwise the drug abuse will continue in the new apartment, and he will spend the cash on drugs. Not because he is a horrible person, but because that is how drugs work. They are addictive and people choose drugs over a normal and stable life. You can't buy your way out of drug addiction, you have to work on yourself first, and then rebuild your life.
We really are saying the same thing, but disagree on the particular details of the method. Providing an apartment and money is coercion just as my advice earlier. You also say that it's okay to kick the kid out because of theft. Well then why not get them into treatment, and treat the cause for why the theft occured in the first place. It's sort of like you want to ignore the drug component of the equation and fix the rest. I am saying the drug component is the cause of the rest, solve that, and the other problems will be no more.
It's not ignoring it. It's dealing with it. If he's not in the house he cannot steal from them. I am not suggesting asking him to move out because of what he chooses to put in his body. I am suggesting the parents ask him to move out because of the stealing. that is it. What he chooses to put in his own body is irrelevant to his actions.
What he puts in his body is the
cause of his actions.
You say it's okay to kick him out for stealing, but then say it's necessary to provide an apartment free of charge and cash for a couple months. This doesn't make any sense to me. Giving him money will stop the theft, only because you are paying him off. That's sort of like paying money to street-living heroin addicts so they don't steal from the surrounding citizens and businesses. It solves the problem of theft and crime, but does nothing to solve the underlying problem of why the individual was required to steal in the first place. They can't work because they are addicted to drugs, but they need money for drugs, so they steal. You remove the drug component from that equation and the other problems solve themselves.
That is why I would suggest option #2, even if you don't mean it about kicking him out. At least get the gears in his mind moving, and get him thinking about improving his life for the better. You can't just buy him off, ignore the problem, and hope everything will magically solve itself.
In my opinion this would be the best case scenario.
Kid enters medically based rehab. 30 days minimum inpatient.
Kid finishes GED or High School while in rehab or soon after.
Kid returns to living at home while attending rehabs outpatient.
Living at home conditional on clean drug tests. I wouldn't kick a kid out for one dirty test since relapse is a part of recovery, but require they maintain a good faith effort to remain sober, attend outpatient rehab or therapy, and work on finishing school.
Get kid to disassociate from high school friends they got wasted with. Support the kid entering community college or university. Gets part time job.
After a year or so of improvement, then offer ,if financially allowable, to help get apartment and help them start their new sober life.
and finally,
enjoy knowing that you helped, with love and respect, your kid recover from a path that could of led them to a tragic fate.