Dear John,
You let the demoralization get to you so much that twenty years on you feel a need to tell Hyde of your achievements. I totally understand this, I was there too. I don't know whether Malcolm called you a "nothing," which seems to me trivial enough in itself and possibly just your neat summarization of Hyde's war of attrition on your self-worth during your stay, but I do know that for Hyde's opponents, it's either 2-4 or demoralization, and that several respected Hyde figures and students made similar pessimistic predictions about my future. Hell, I remember Joe Gauld standing on stage and calling the whole student body "smiling zeros" (which we were, thanks to him) and the even more Shakespearean "worm meat"! "Nothing" seems tame by comparison.
John, you weren't alone. If I were Malcolm, I would have written you an apology, since whether or not the word "nothing" was uttered by him or anyone else, he is the man to be held accountable for the all-too-apparent fact that Hyde damaged your self-worth and your confidence in your future, to the extent that you are still hurting twenty years later. I would have apologized for having you believe that Hyde is equal to morality, and that your rejection of Hyde is a rejection of morality. No private school is entitled to such claims.
John, if you reply to Malcolm's question, tell him that a something is someone who is man enough to apologize. A nothing is someone is isn't.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Rebel Spirits & Committed Teachers
7/28/2008
I recently received an e-mail from an early 90s student who had left school in mid-year under a stormy sky of disciplinary and attitudinal circumstances. He was writing to tell me that he has since graduated from college. Given his sarcastic tone, it was not hard to discern that he was also writing out of a desire to “stick it” in the faces of those Hyde teachers who he believes doubted his potentials during his time as a student. in fact, he was quite blunt in his accusation that I had told him that he would never rise above being a "nothing." Here’s part of my e-mail reply to this former student:
Dear John (not his real name),
After nearly 30 years (and several hundred Johns!), the memory indeed gets hazy. However, I do remember you…..I also remember that you were quite a handful and that the parting was not amicable, especially with your stepfather. While 45 days on 2-4 is an exaggeration, suffice it to say that you spent more time there than most and yet not as much as some. (I am also assuming that you agree that your name was not chosen at random for 2-4 duty, that your behavior had a little something to do with it.)
While it’s truly great to see you taking pride in what your life is becoming, I would suggest that perhaps your memory is hazy as well. You state that I had said you would turn out to be “nothing.” While I cannot swear that I would have never said something like that in a moment of exasperation (and you and I shared several such moments!), the years have taught me to stand by what I write. I don’t always know what I said, but I know what I wrote. Here is an excerpt from a letter I wrote you a few months after you left Hyde:
…..Your time at Hyde was often marked with heartfelt apologies accompanied by commitments to do better. Too often your deeds did not follow your words. However, throughout all of your travails, I always believed that there was something good in you, and I continue to believe that today. As I’ve often said, to quote Will Rogers, “I’d rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.” Perhaps anyone who doesn’t believe this probably doesn’t belong in education.
I congratulate you on your success [at graduating from college] and would love to know what you’re up to. While I suppose some people see a college degree as synonymous with “making it,” I do not. Theodore Roosevelt covered that one pretty well when he said, “To educate a man in mind and not in morals is to educate a menace to society." I know folks with Masters degrees who could probably pass for “nothings.” I also know blue collar workers at the Bath Iron Works who I would trust with anything I hold dear. So, if we agree that you ain’t nothing, what’s your idea of “something?”
All the best to you, John. Thanks for getting in touch. Onward, Malcolm
