Did you live with your parents post-program?

[AuntieEm2]

I have heard/read than many programs direct the parents not to let the teen return to the home.

*Does this apply only to those teens leaving programs after they are 18?

*What is the rationale the programs give for this? I mean, aren't the parents supposed to be getting back their new and improved Stepford Child?

*I gather all programs tell the parents this in the event the child runs away--that they should turn the child in and have them escorted/manhandled back to the program.

*Did you live at home after leaving the program? If so, was that what the program told your parents to do?

Thanks in advance.

AuntieEm

[Anonymous]

many times wilderness recommends a TBS.
TBS often make the warranty dependent on the parent agreeing to place
their child in a more traditional boarding school that they have an
arrangement with. kid screws up, it's back to TBS.

they sure as hell don't want those who were resistent to brainwashing to
come home and dash the illusion that the program 'worked'. better to keep
jr away from mom and pop. less risk of negative comments being posted
on the internet as well. great gimmick. don't fall for it.

[TheWho]

I have heard/read than many programs direct the parents not to let the teen return to the home.

*Does this apply only to those teens leaving programs after they are 18?

*What is the rationale the programs give for this? I mean, aren't the parents supposed to be getting back their new and improved Stepford Child?

*I gather all programs tell the parents this in the event the child runs away--that they should turn the child in and have them escorted/manhandled back to the program.

*Did you live at home after leaving the program? If so, was that what the program told your parents to do?

Thanks in advance.

AuntieEm

Each child is assessed at the end (or torwards the end) of their stay.  The determination of whether a child should return home is based on what is best for the child (and secondly the family).  The school typically makes a recommendation which the parents can choose to act upon or ignore.  The best scenario is for the child to be returned to their family.  But in many cases the home environment may not be safe or still unstable.  There is an expectation that while the child is in the program that the parents/family address any problems (which may be contributing to the childs reason for being placed).  If it is felt the child would regress by going home then other options are discussed, private boarding school, living with relatives or extending the present stay until things are stabilized at home.

In our case my daughter returned home after her stay.



...

[Anonymous]

I came home for a short vacacation, then went to a school summer camp in NH. after that, i was shipped off to an ordinary boarding school in maine. I did as "mainahs" do and got myself a hefty vicodin, heroin, coke, and oxycontin habit (mind you, i only smoked weed before my program, never even drank), and got kicked out halfway through my senior year becouse i OD'ed on a crazy cocktail of opiates and benzos (basically i fell asleep for three days). after that  i came home, straightened out on my own (No na/aa, just pure willpower, take that, "addiction"), and lived with my parents for a bit, then my grandparents for the remainder of the year.

after i went to college things got alot better between me and my parents.

[psy]

If so, was that what the program told your parents to do?

From my website:

"My parents were told “Whatever you do, should not include Michael's returning to home, wherever that may be, to live.” They were told I would be more than they could handle, that I would raise untold bedlam and manipulate them out of house and home. In retrospect, Benchmarks dire predictions of failure have proven more than a little inaccurate considering where, thanks to the opportunities my parents granted me, I now have the possibility of a future I could never have dreamed of, had I been forced to work my way off the Redlands streets like so many other of my friends. Although at one time, even I though it imposable, my parents and I learned to get along – to set aside our differences and figure out a way to coexist peacefully."

The "do not take the kid home" thing seemed to be pretty standard fare. One kid I knew had no "issues" other than ADHD, and yet, by the end of the program (Benchmark Young Adult School), Jayne Selby Longnecker Harper had convinced his parents that it would be best for him to abandon him on the streets.  They complied.  This were not easy for him on the streets, to say the least, and i'll leave it at that.

[Anne Bonney]

I lived with my parents for a short time after getting out.   It was just a lighter continuation of the programming though.  The "exit plan" and "post program rules" that were set up for me were almost as impractical and overly restricting as the program itself.  At this time I was a legal adult and had the rules of a preteen imposed on me.  All this after being locked away for 2 years.  Come on people!!!  Programs and all the parents' insistence that their teens follow pointless and arbitrary rules, designed to let him/her know that they are still controlled by the program can be almost as damaging as the programs themselves.   I'd like to see any one of our parents try and either live their lives under the kind of microscope that many of us do after leaving.  Its like living in a fucking fishbowl.

Look folks.  The whole POINT of adolescence is to break away from parents and learn how to become a successful adult.  That takes guidance (not force) from parents and TRIAL AND ERROR on the teen's part.  You GUIDE a child through this confusing time.....you don't force them to do what you think is best.  You don't cut them off from the real world, isolate them from extended family and friends and instill some unqualified quack's ideas into their brains instead of yours or their own.  If you pull the plug on the growing up process before its finished all you're doing is delaying/stunting it, confusing the hell out of them, trashing their trust in people (especially their parents) and making it harder for them to find their way. They are going to make stupid mistakes.  They are going to scare the living hell out of you.  That's kinda their job right now.  This is the time that they are trying to establish themselves as individuals and that means that they are going to do crazy, impulsive, stupid and destructive things with their lives.  They're going to rebel against what we've taught them even if only to prove to themselves that they are NOT us.  Again....our job is to GUIDE them through this, not force.

[Anonymous]

Each child is assessed at the end (or torwards the end) of their stay.  The determination of whether a child should return home is based on what is best for the child (and secondly the family).  The school typically makes a recommendation which the parents can choose to act upon or ignore.  The best scenario is for the child to be returned to their family.  But in many cases the home environment may not be safe or still unstable.  There is an expectation that while the child is in the program that the parents/family address any problems (which may be contributing to the childs reason for being placed).  If it is felt the child would regress by going home then other options are discussed, private boarding school, living with relatives or extending the present stay until things are stabilized at home.

In our case my daughter returned home after her stay.

Each child is cuntlicked at the end (or torwards the wad pulling end) of their stay.  The determination of whether a child should return home is based on what is best for the balling child (and secondly the family).  The school typically wad pulls a creaming recommendation which the browning fists can choose to act upon or ignore.  The best scenario is for the child to be blowed to their family.  But in many blows the home environment may not be safe or still unstable.  There is an expectation that while the spewing child is in the program that the asslicking parents/family farts any problems (which may be unclefucking to the childs reason for being squirted).  If it is felt the thrusting child would regress by going home then other squirts are ballbusted, private boarding school, gamahucheing with muff sniffs or extending the present stay until things are spewed at home.

In our case my daughter fisted home after her stay.

[CCM girl 1989]

Never went back to live with my parents. My Aunt, and Uncle took me in though for about a year, and a half. That was so they could make sure I graduated high school. I never stepped back into the house I grew up in until after my step-mom died. So, we are talking about 15 years. Interesting how 1 person can screw up an entire family. My advice to any parents out there, who are married to people, who aren't their child's biological parent, and they want you to choose between them, or your kids..............choose your kids.

[Anonymous]

You people disgust me. I just think you are a group of babies. You say program like it is a bad word so I will say when I came home from away school instead. Away school taught me a lot of things about life and one of those lessons was how to have an adult relationship. I was still only sixteen when I came home but I had matured years beyond my age.

It looks like you babies regressed in maturity because you still blame your parents for everything. In nature the only thing that does this is a baby. Do you need your diaper changed baby is that why you are crying? Your parents could of called social services and had you taken away for free for the little assholes that you were. They spent money they could of used to buy a new car or a fleet of new cars for the really bad ones. Some kids just never grow up they just remain babies all their life. Cry all you want because nothing is more pathetic than adults who still blame their parents for their self imposed misery.

I know who you are. I remember you from away school, the sobby kid in the corner who cries for mommy. When that doesn't work you tell lies to the others to make them feel sorry for you. Instead of being strong like you should be, you manipulate people to pity you and give you attention and other things. I know your kind, I know all about you. You are the type of kid who complains about the program all day long, but then you stay past your emancipation age because you are too scared to leave. You are the most pathetic person that was in away school, and here you are all congregated having a group cry baby session. How precious.

You never grew up, you are the same pathetic kid crying in the corner hoping someone else will notice and take pity on you. Grow the fuck up already.

[Anonymous]

You people disgust me. I just think you are a sex fighting group of fucks. You say program like it is a fistfucking bad word so I will say when I came home from away school instead. Away school taught me a lot of things about life and one of those fucks was how to have an adult relationship. I was still only sixteen when I came home but I had matured years beyond my age.

It unclefucks like you babies regressed in maturity because you still blame your parents for everything. In nature the unclefucking only thing that s bangs is a baby. Do you need your diaper ballbusted baby is that why you are crying? Your muff sniffs could of called social services and had you taken away for free for the aardvarking little s that you were. They spent money they could of used to buy a new car or a fleet of new s for the really bad licks. Some kids just never grow up they just remain babies all their life. Cry all you want because asslicking is more pathetic than barfs who still blame their parents for their self imposed misery.

I know who you are. I remember you from away school, the sobby kid in the corner who assfucks for mommy. When that doesn't work you tell titty fucks to the smacking thrusts to make them feel sorry for you. Instead of being strong like you should be, you manipulate people to pity you and give you attention and other raunchs. I know your kind, I know all about you. You are the type of kid who complains about the raiding program all day long, but then you stay past your emancipation age because you are too spewed to leave. You are the most pathetic person that was in away school, and here you are all fisted gangbanging a thrusting group cry baby session. How fingers.

You never grew up, you are the creaming same pathetic kid crying in the entering corner hoping someone else will notice and take pity on you. Grow the creaming fuck up already.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn't you be busy referring kids to a program? 

If you wanna be a troll, go find a bridge to sit under.  I hope it falls on your head

[Anonymous]

disgusted, quit talking about yourself.


CYBERBULLY! lol

[Anonymous]

I have heard/read than many programs direct the parents not to let the teen return to the home.

*Does this apply only to those teens leaving programs after they are 18?

*What is the rationale the programs give for this? I mean, aren't the parents supposed to be getting back their new and improved Stepford Child?

*I gather all programs tell the parents this in the event the child runs away--that they should turn the child in and have them escorted/manhandled back to the program.

*Did you live at home after leaving the program? If so, was that what the program told your parents to do?

Thanks in advance.

AuntieEm

Many programs offer what is called an exit plan which involves making the kid finish the program or cutting them off. Often such a plan also has a strict list of conditions that the kid must follow in order to get to stay at home or have financial support during college.
If you are thinking about what will happen with your niece you may wish to consider opening your home to her if she needs it or if she finds herself unable to adhere to the rules of an exit plan if this is what her school has. If you are not in a financial position to help with college and her family cut off support for this it could also be a good idea to look at the financial aid options or scholarships of the colleges she is interested in attending and going over these options so that higher education does not become an unattainable goal.

[Anonymous]

Many programs offer what is called an exit plan which involves making the kid finish the program or cutting them off. Often such a plan also has a strict list of conditions that the kid must follow in order to get to stay at home or have financial support during college.
If you are thinking about what will happen with your niece you may wish to consider opening your home to her if she needs it or if she finds herself unable to adhere to the rules of an exit plan if this is what her school has. If you are not in a financial position to help with college and her family cut off support for this it could also be a good idea to look at the financial aid options or scholarships of the colleges she is interested in attending and going over these options so that higher education does not become an unattainable goal.

those "contracts" are idiotic. here is why:
A. the schools make you sign the contract, or else they can manipulate you parents into sending you to another simmilar program ("more structured environment"), or keep you postgraduate.
B. the contracts are always on school terms first, then parents, then yours. in the end, you end up having little say in the contract other than the small meaningless points - like curfew hours or amount of chores done. 
C. The contract is easily broken, and encourages more sneakiness. for every law enacted a new type of criminal is created. therefore, it can encourage more tension in the family
D. when the contract is broken, and the kid looses financial support, they go independent. but, instead of going independent while keeping the relationship with their family, they stop talking to them, usually for a very very long time.

In the end, these contracts destroy more relationships, and create more tension than could ever have been before.

I broke my contract the day i got back home. After the initial fiasco, my mom and dad smartened up and realized if they wanted a relationship with me, they should let me live my life on my terms, not hers.

In the end, if you look at this issue closely, you'll realize any school which would have, or needs an "exit plan" is not a school worth sending your child to. If they are that concerned about the difference in freedom (the "honeymoon syndrome", a.k.a the "parolee syndrome") upon release and worry about the kid getting into trouble again, then the program is obviously innefective at changing minds, just making them submissive. just like prison. which is exactly what most kids view these places as; regardless of how much you tell them youre "helping" them.

[TheWho]

Any type of school which encourages families to create a contract is a school worth taking a closer look at.  A contract is a great way to facilitate communication and agreement.  Are points on the contract going to be broken?  Sure.  Will it need to be rewritten?  Maybe.  But atleast everyone knows what is expected of each other and it is writen down which increases understanding.

Ha! Wrote:

A. the schools make you sign the contract.

All parties should sign it to show there is a family commitment

B. the contracts are always on school terms first, then parents, then yours. in the end, you end up having little say in the contract other than the small meaningless points - like curfew hours or amount of chores done. 

Typically there is some negotiation that the child can do if it is reasonable.  Stretch out curfew till 9:30 instead of 9:00, swap chores with another sibling.  The child does end up with less say than the school and parents.  When the kid has his own children and house he/she will be able to make more decisions and their kids will have to listen to their rules.  Just the way it works… sucks until your older.

C. The contract is easily broken, and encourages more sneakiness. for every law enacted a new type of criminal is created. therefore, it can encourage more tension in the family

Verbal contracts or agreements are easier to break than written ones.  The contracts actually alleviates tension in the household and promotes understanding and clears up expectations with everyone.

D. when the contract is broken, and the kid looses financial support, they go independent. but, instead of going independent while keeping the relationship with their family, they stop talking to them, usually for a very very long time.

Contracts get broken all the time.  But atleast you have the piece of paper to go back to, sit and talk and get back on track.  It eliminates misunderstanding and makes it easier to get back on track.  Many times kids just want to cut loose and live on their own whether they have been in a program or not.  Eventually the kids grow up (hopefully in a safe environment) and mature and repair past ties and relationships.

It seems the contract was not effective for you, Ha!, but it has proven to be a very effective part of any transition from school to home for kids who have attended a program and even ones that have not.



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