From
I Speak of Dreams:
http://lizditz.typepad.com/i_speak_of_d ... 5cf490970cI was in PV in 2002, and I am still having nightmares. They rank high on the warning lists for abusive program watchout sites. They hated me too. I don't know why. They knew I was turning 18 so at the end they just ignored me, I stayed in the locked unit for 4 months, gained 60 pounds from sitting on a bed and doing nothing.I found out later I had sustained a concussion when they slammed my head into the floor during a restraint so hard I was left with a cut and abrasions across my forehead. Why? I sat up. Thats it. I had been laying on they fllor, they gragged me there, and I sat up, intending to raise my hand and ask to use the restroom, where they would have to examine my shit and piss before I could flush it, a method of humiliation, and was immediatly tackled. I have never had a violent day in my life, never raised a hand to anyone. I had low self esteem, I let men use me and I hated myself. At PV I just wanted to die. They told me one thing- You are an evil person with no concioncse and you are no good, nor ever will be. That was my "focus" for 3 weeks. The only one I ever got. It has taken my thereapist years to undo that damge. I thought I was really a sociopath because I trusted that these people knew the mind and were able to tell what was wrong. Others went off to the cabins- I was finally left alone to sleep no school, no nothing just sleep all day everyday. I did everything alone, staff watched me shower too though. I was also molested by the male gynecologist. I knew nothing I said mattered. He told me right in front of the female nurse in the room, that I had a very nice, muscular vagina, as he fingered me innapropriatly. I know what a gyno feels like- I go yearly. This guy was sick! Also, The drugs they sedated me with made my neck twist around, the muscles would tanse up and I could not contol my head movements. Now I know I am not a sociopath, but that is a huge breakthrough for me. I was so much worse after PV, I almost killed myself, I thought I really was a piece of shit, b/c thats what they told me! I was hospitalized after slashing my wrists and getting them stiched up, the doc said why would you do trhis? You are a sweet and beautiful girl. He laughed and said, no my girl. I am treating you long enough now to tell you that! Your just an addictive personality. Thats all. Now I am clean, through my spriritual ralationship and lots of love and counseling. I am married, and we have 2 sons. I love being a mom- but I still have nightmares about PV. I hope it stops someday. I am trying to forgive them.
Posted by: mckue | Wednesday, March 25, 2009 at 03:57 PM