A lot of the time when I reflect on my time in CEDU, I am angry. I have dreams that smack of shame, or I need to save a person or a team. Sometimes the dreams are obvious- like being on the campus or with people who I remember from my time there. But sometimes they're not. And I wake knowing exactly what the dream is about, it can't be anything else in my subconsciousness, as the campus is intact and a strange feeling encompasses me.
But sometimes when I think of that time period of my life, I get very sad. I'm not exactly sure why, but it's these sad and quiet moments that I really remember the confusion and bitter feelings I had as a younger student. I thought Everything I learned there was true, and I believed what the staff said, and that the world gave a shit about individuals, but it doesn't. It saddens me that they had us do so many days of crazy crazy self introspection and forced self loathing. So many bizarre excercises to who knows what end. It actually hurts when I reflect on what I allowed myself to believe. To say and do and be things I AM NOT and still be driven, in many hard to articulate and personal ways, by those years in CEDU.