Gradspeak = evidence of developmental detour.
This is straight outta the Elan featured graduate page.
http://www.elanschool.com/featured.phpListen to this kid. The only people that buy this propaganda are vulnerable parents. He’ll snap out of it in 7 years. I went through the exact same process. No offense Ryan, I got nothing against you. I’m glad your life is in order now. I’m very aware that people go through struggles and need the opportunity to sort shit out. In fact I’m pointing the finger at myself. I spoke like that for a year or two after graduation. What I have a problem with is the TBS hogwash. The Dr. Phil fake talk. The requisite and repetitive use of ‘power adverbs’ . The life or death fear mongering.
What circumstances brought you to Elan?The circumstances that led me to Elan were that I was very dishonest. I stole from those who meant the most to me because they would forgive me and it would be okay tomorrow. I was a 17 year old drop out with no motivation except to find the way to my nearest drug dealer. I began to smoke marijuana and was sent to a boot camp program that I was discharged from because I couldn't stay sober. Being home brought new feelings that I didn't know how to cope with so I found a substance that took me far away from them. I found out that my "friends" had found new drugs, cocaine and heroin. I sold everything that I owned and stole everything valuable to get money to get high, this continued until I was inches away from overdose. My parents noticed me withering away and promptly took action with the local courts.
What were your relationships (family and friends) like before Elan and how have they changed as a result of coming here? Relationships with my family were nonexistent. They were just the people who I lived with and the people that had money for me to steal. My father and I never got along very much because I would always steal, lie and cheat from him. I began to fear him and avoid him at all costs. My mother and I, well I don't really remember us having problems because I would avoid her unless I needed something. Now, my parents and I have a great relationship. My father and I get along great and have a wonderful relationship. We can talk to each other about anything that is troubling without fear. My mother and I have the best relationship that I could ever ask for and I currently work for her. My friends before Elan were nonexistent. I had a lot of people that I could hang out with but I never had real friends. I was popular because I had drugs and money not because I had relationships. Today I have TRUE friendships. I am not the worried about being popular and I surround myself with people that have direction and goals. I figure it is better to have 3-4 real friends than 40 people that will stab me in the back to further themselves.
How did you feel about being at Elan when you were here? Well when I first got to Elan I had no feelings about it. I looked at it as a challenge to pretend so that I could get out and go back to home. Well... Elan has a few sayings, "It all comes out in the wash" and "You can't bullshit a bullshitter." These are truer than I could have ever expected. They saw through my act and challenged me daily to be real and attack the issues that brought me there until one day I was faced with the reality of who I was. It was a terrible feeling. I began to hate Elan; I started to act like I would at home, blatant disrespect and manipulative. Then I faced my judgment day.
I remember being on the phone with my parents and they told me that I could either change my ways or I would be left in the streets of New Hampshire, and for some reason I knew this time that they were not bluffing. From then on I began to buy into the fact that I had some issues to tackle. That phone call changed my attitude towards Elan.
I began to value my time there, I began to act as if, I began to be grateful that I was there and I began to like being there. How do you now feel about having been at Elan? I am grateful every moment that I am still alive because of Elan. My "friends" at home had been turning up dead, pregnant or in jail, so I consider myself very lucky and would not trade a moment that I was in there for a moment at home. I still call back and talk to the staff members as well as plan trips back up to the school to visit the place that SAVED my life.
Where did you go/what did you do after leaving Elan? ? I graduated in December of 03 only a few days before Christmas. I was scheduled to go to college in January so I had little down time. I think I was home for all of 2 weeks and those were full of shopping for my school supplies, finding my books and just hanging out at home. Currently I am a Marketing/Advertising major with a minor in Sociology at Monmouth College. I will be graduating in December of 07 and am now a licensed real estate agent in Illinois. I will be selling real estate in January and have had an immense amount of success from the skills I learned at Elan.
What skills did you learn while at Elan that have helped you in your adult life? The skills that I had learned are to be honest and accountable for my actions. I know this might sound different but I have learned that if I am honest with my class work and accountable for my actions I will not make the same mistakes that I have done in the past. I know that I am in charge of my life and I have no one to blame but me. I have also learned to be patient, things don't happen overnight and that with continual work and effort that I can accomplish anything that I set out to do.
What is your fondest memory of your time here? It sounds really weird but my fondest memory is thanksgiving of 2004. I really don't know how to explain it to everyone. It was a time when there were drastic changes going on in my life.
I belonged, I had a seat that was mine, I had relationships that I will have for the rest of my life and I was clean, honest, and respected.
What advice would you offer to parents considering Elan for their child? This is not a short term program.
You must commit yourself to the program just as much as you expect your children to commit to it. There are going to be changes made on both your side as well as your child's side. If you love your child and would like to them to be a productive member of your family and not destructive to themselves then this is the place for them. But remember, THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR YOU. Have a little
blind faith. What advice would you offer to a student just entering Elan? This is going to be the most difficult time in your life. It is not going to be comfortable by any means. You are going to have feelings arise that you never even knew about. You are going to not like it here in the beginning, get over it and talk to people that are there and ask them how they got over it. The faster that you just let your guard down and be honest, the quicker you will be on your way to making drastic changes, changes that you might not even have known that you are capable of.
Do you still think about Elan? Yes. I still talk to the students that I was there with and I also talk to the staff. I am also a contact for parents that are iffy on sending their children to Elan so I think of my stay there often.
Where is your Elan diploma? Well it was on the wall in my parents' house., but it will soon be on the wall in my own house.
Is there anything else you'd like to add? If you are serious about changing the direction of your son or daughter's life, this is the place for them. There is no chance that I would have accomplished what I have if it was not for them. They change lives and save them daily. They are the real deal!
Is there anything your mother /father would like to add? I
once had a client tell me a story that I remember to this day & share often. It is about our children & goes like this: "We as parents do not build the bridge to our children's future, our children do. So if your child's bridge looks like Indiana Jones's Temple of Doom - that is the bridge they have chosen to build. We as parents are not meant to be the rungs upon which our children tread - but to be the hand rails - for them to reach for in times of need. We are not meant to save them." Ryan's Mother These words were spoken to me at a time I felt I had no more to give & no hope left. The more I gave, the more I forgave, the harder I tried - the worse things got. I discovered in myself a well so deep it was bottomless, there was nothing I would not do to save my child. Yet of all the people in the world - it became crystal clear to me, that I alone could not save him.
I had to have the faith & courage to trust & let go. I let go.
It is not easy to watch someone you love struggle with painful life & death issues. I held onto the knowledge that of all the places Ryan could be at this time in his life, he was safe. With all the struggles & challenges he confronted I knew he was in the perfect place to handle it, manage it & move on. Life rarely gives you an opportunity to evaluate your life/decisions or to have in your corner the support of adults & peers every step of the way.
Change takes time, energy & effort - on everyone's part. Ryan did not walk this journey on his own. We all grew personally from this experience. Looking back, I have no guilt or regrets. I know I gave all I had to give and if I had to do it once again, I would not change a thing.
I've always thought that if you were a great parent you'd have great kids. However, what I have learned is great kids sometimes don't have the best parents & that you KNOW you are a great parent when you have a challenging child. I believe ALL my children were born into the perfect family, our family. And I was chosen to be the one for them & they were chosen to be the ones for me.
As a parent, I am so full of gratitude toward everyone at Elan. I know that here, in this school, the course of many lives have been forever altered. And I am blessed to be the parent of a young man whose life's choices inspire me daily. I am very proud of you Ryan.
Karlin gets a BMW, counselors get bread crumbs, graduates get brainwashed and your retirement savings goes down the drain