Tricked by manipulations/ brain damage

[Anonymous]

They must have an Idiot's Guide for Programs. They use the same leverage/intimidation ploy at Benchmark and I've seen it used at Three Springs.

And you're just now realizing this?

[psy]

They must have an Idiot's Guide for Programs. They use the same leverage/intimidation ploy at Benchmark

Yup.  This mother threatened to disown her son if he went with us.  They even gave her my dad's cell phone number in France (god knows how they got that).  Family pressure is a great way to gain compliance.

[Anonymous]

This mother threatened to disown her son if he went with us.

Only logical reply: "Done deal, fuck you mom"

[Anonymous]

This mother threatened to disown her son if he went with us.

Only logical reply: "Done deal, fuck you mom"

Only thing is, the kids locked up aren't normal teen hellions. They're torture victims who suffer deliberately induced "learned helplessness".
They have an unnatural dependency on their keepers.

 Also, these kids don't have any one to turn to. I know non-program kids who got kicked out at 18. The thing that saved them is that they had friends to live with. Program kids do not. Survival for them on the street will mean some form of prostitution or crime, point blank. One program- desisto, was shut down because after one parent refused to take her kid back, the kid was raped and murdered. The parents sued..that was the end of the program. Most kids won't be murdered (though many will) but the trajectory for even a normal person in an abandoned on the street with no place to go situation is very bad.

A kid suffering from brain damage has an even worse trajectory, and a life of chronic bare-survival ahead of him.

I'll add that the kid I know who was kicked out is now a cocktail waitress, while her sisters who were not kicked out and abandoned went on to college and rewarding careers. She also developed a drug habit she did not have prior to be abused in that manner. Parents DO NOT HAVE THE right to shut someone up in an institution, and then use various manipulation tactics to continue hurting them.

The bravado of just tell them to fuck themselves is fun in a hypothetical sense, but in reality will not save a kid, or be applicable.

[Froderik]

I still had a friend or two who was there for me after I decided to take my leave, but I think the statement about program kids who want out having no one to turn to when they get away is true for the most part. Either contact is completely lost, or the program "swallows up" all the kid's friends since it's right there in the community. I think my case was different due partially to the fact that I was from out of town, and not the area where the program was located.

[Ursus]

This mother threatened to disown her son if he went with us.

Only logical reply: "Done deal, fuck you mom"

Only thing is, the kids locked up aren't normal teen hellions. They're torture victims who suffer deliberately induced "learned helplessness".
They have an unnatural dependency on their keepers.

Also, these kids don't have any one to turn to. I know non-program kids who got kicked out at 18. The thing that saved them is that they had friends to live with. Program kids do not. Survival for them on the street will mean some form of prostitution or crime, point blank. One program- desisto, was shut down because after one parent refused to take her kid back, the kid was raped and murdered. The parents sued..that was the end of the program. Most kids won't be murdered (though many will) but the trajectory for even a normal person in an abandoned on the street with no place to go situation is very bad.

A kid suffering from brain damage has an even worse trajectory, and a life of chronic bare-survival ahead of him.

I'll add that the kid I know who was kicked out is now a cocktail waitress, while her sisters who were not kicked out and abandoned went on to college and rewarding careers. She also developed a drug habit she did not have prior to be abused in that manner. Parents DO NOT HAVE THE right to shut someone up in an institution, and then use various manipulation tactics to continue hurting them.

The bravado of just tell them to fuck themselves is fun in a hypothetical sense, but in reality will not save a kid, or be applicable.

Excellent post.  A different time, a different program, but you really could have been talking about me right there.  Thanks, man.

[AuntieEm2]

Anne Bonney wrote:

I was hauled into family court not by my husband but by his parents and my father working together. My dad even hired an attorney who's partner was on the board of Straight. All the judge needed to hear was that I was once in a drug program and was now drinking. Custody was given to the grandparents. They split the girls up, my oldest going with my dad and his wife (also a program parent) and my youngest going to my ex's parents.

This is so sad  . Hope you have reconnected with your girls.

Auntie Em

[Anne Bonney]

Anne Bonney wrote:

I was hauled into family court not by my husband but by his parents and my father working together. My dad even hired an attorney who's partner was on the board of Straight. All the judge needed to hear was that I was once in a drug program and was now drinking. Custody was given to the grandparents. They split the girls up, my oldest going with my dad and his wife (also a program parent) and my youngest going to my ex's parents.

This is so sad  . Hope you have reconnected with your girls.

Auntie Em

Oh yeah!  I saw them almost every day while they were with the grandparents and custody did eventually return to me, almost 3 years later.  But even after that, every damn time I did something that they didn't like I was either taken back to family court or threatened with it.  My ex got a DUI manslaughter a year after I left him, went to prison, got out and was court mandated to attend AA.  His sponsor told him he should seek custody since he was sober and I wasn't (I was socially drinking with no problems at the time).  So, for damn near 20 years I fought or was preparing to fight my ex, his parents and my father for custody of my kids.   I'm telling ya, I wasn't able to truly begin to heal from all this shit until my youngest reached the age where they couldn't pull that shit anymore.  It really opened my eyes to how hard and fast of a hold they had on me, even beyond the brainwashing and insular social setting I was in.  Once that hold was broken I couldn't believe the amount of self esteem, control and relief I felt.  It really was as though someone let me out of a cage I had been locked in for all that time.

After they were returned to me they (the ex and parents) were only able to get the kids actually pulled from the house twice more and even then they were returned within a couple of weeks with all charges being labeled 'unfounded' or 'unconfirmed'.  Finally, one of the social workers told the judge that she believed my ex was using the court to try and get back at me and at least then he couldn't bother me anymore.  The girls lived with me all their lives, save that first 2 1/2 years.  They're 22 and 20 now and both doing very well.  The oldest is a CNA for an assisted living home, working on her LPN then on to her RN.  The youngest works for a local attorney while going to school.  Their relationships with their father, his parents and my father will never be right.  Now that they're adults and realize what was done they're pissed.  My oldest daughter still toys with the idea of putting down on paper what she went through as a result of Straight.  She's been surrounded by these people her entire life.  Me, my ex, his parents, my mom, my dad, his wife, her two kids who were also in there, a friend they used to consider an 'aunt'.....AAGHHHHHH!!1111


The damage that these places inflict on people doesn't end when we get out.  Sometimes its just the beginning of the nightmare.
   ::mecry::

[Anonymous]

thank you for sharing that Anne.

The reverberations of this sick, fucked-up, deceptive struggling teen industry on not only the student, but the parents and extended familly, need to be stopped.

[Nihilanthic]

Anne Bonney wrote:

I was hauled into family court not by my husband but by his parents and my father working together. My dad even hired an attorney who's partner was on the board of Straight. All the judge needed to hear was that I was once in a drug program and was now drinking. Custody was given to the grandparents. They split the girls up, my oldest going with my dad and his wife (also a program parent) and my youngest going to my ex's parents.

This is so sad  . Hope you have reconnected with your girls.

Auntie Em

Oh yeah!  I saw them almost every day while they were with the grandparents and custody did eventually return to me, almost 3 years later.  But even after that, every damn time I did something that they didn't like I was either taken back to family court or threatened with it.  My ex got a DUI manslaughter a year after I left him, went to prison, got out and was court mandated to attend AA.  His sponsor told him he should seek custody since he was sober and I wasn't (I was socially drinking with no problems at the time).  So, for damn near 20 years I fought or was preparing to fight my ex, his parents and my father for custody of my kids.   I'm telling ya, I wasn't able to truly begin to heal from all this shit until my youngest reached the age where they couldn't pull that shit anymore.  It really opened my eyes to how hard and fast of a hold they had on me, even beyond the brainwashing and insular social setting I was in.  Once that hold was broken I couldn't believe the amount of self esteem, control and relief I felt.  It really was as though someone let me out of a cage I had been locked in for all that time.

After they were returned to me they (the ex and parents) were only able to get the kids actually pulled from the house twice more and even then they were returned within a couple of weeks with all charges being labeled 'unfounded' or 'unconfirmed'.  Finally, one of the social workers told the judge that she believed my ex was using the court to try and get back at me and at least then he couldn't bother me anymore.  The girls lived with me all their lives, save that first 2 1/2 years.  They're 22 and 20 now and both doing very well.  The oldest is a CNA for an assisted living home, working on her LPN then on to her RN.  The youngest works for a local attorney while going to school.  Their relationships with their father, his parents and my father will never be right.  Now that they're adults and realize what was done they're pissed.  My oldest daughter still toys with the idea of putting down on paper what she went through as a result of Straight.  She's been surrounded by these people her entire life.  Me, my ex, his parents, my mom, my dad, his wife, her two kids who were also in there, a friend they used to consider an 'aunt'.....AAGHHHHHH!!1111


The damage that these places inflict on people doesn't end when we get out.  Sometimes its just the beginning of the nightmare.
   ::mecry::

A similar event happened to my family in 2003. It sucks, majorly. I haven't seen two of my sisters since then, and frankly its as if they and the entire paternal side of my family fell off the face of the earth. My mother and stepdad are husks of their former selves, and I grew up way too fast. Go figure that in '04 I found out about this little travesty... and everyone I meet thinks I'm way older than I really am.

Hell, I don't even miss them. I just feel a void where a family should be.

[Anne Bonney]

My dad and I didn't speak for about 5 years or so.  As it stands now, he says he believes it was abusive, he's sorry it happened BUT...........what was he supposed to do?  He is still of the mentality that I actually needed to be put away somewhere.  Never mind that the only drugs I had done were pot and alcohol.  I was the lightweight of my friends and they've all turned out just fine.  I'm the only one who's had problems dealing with life.  

THAT is the biggest hump we face, IMO.  Parents have been so scared for all these years that the damn drug war has been going on, they've been eating up all the bullshit that's been thrown at them through DARE, the Reagan "Just Say No" days, manipulated statistics and general fear mongering to the point that damn near every kid could benefit from a program according to them.  Newton even used to say that....sort of like how the AAers do.  Talk about how "lucky" they are to be alcoholics because they've now been given this "knowledge" and "awareness" that "normies" don't and won't ever have.  The vast majority of kids grow out of their impulsive, destructive and dangerous behaviors.  Every generation scared the shit out of their parents.....this is no different.

[TheWho]

Many times parents can see things going on that the kids cannot.  I could pick out the kids who were going to have problems with drugs and as they grew up and my guess was correct in most cases with regard to my daughter’s friends.  Every child (person) is different and have different family histories also (which is a consideration).  Many believe that people are predisposed to alcoholism based on family history.  These types of things are what many parents are reacting to when they feel they have to protect their children.

Drugs affect each person differently, some kids can handle them…smoke and party on weekends and other kids just take it to another level and party all week allowing their studies and grades to go downhill or forming an unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol.

So I think most kids can get themselves thru the rough patches where others cannot and these are the hard questions that parents need to be aware of and to know when they need to take action (if ever).



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[Anonymous]

child (person)

You don't recognize children as human beings.

Please stop pretending.

[Anne Bonney]

Many times parents can see things going on that the kids cannot.  I could pick out the kids who were going to have problems with drugs and as they grew up and my guess was correct in most cases with regard to my daughter’s friends.  Every child (person) is different and have different family histories also (which is a consideration).  Many believe that people are predisposed to alcoholism based on family history.  These types of things are what many parents are reacting to when they feel they have to protect their children.

If they'd open their minds and stop drinking the goddamn koolaid for once, they might figure out that they've been suckered for the past oh, 40 odd years into believing the bullshit. It looks like eyes are opening though. Witness DARE  http://www.drugsense.org/tfy/evidence.htm  

The latter aspect of the ALERT evaluation illustrates a peculiar feature of school-based drug prevention research during the past 10 yearsWhatever the outcome, the recommendation is for more of the program and more evaluation. With the exception of D.A.R.E., negative findings are seldom accompanied by a suggestion that we try something else.

 

Drugs affect each person differently, some kids can handle them…smoke and party on weekends and other kids just take it to another level and party all week allowing their studies and grades to go downhill or forming an unhealthy relationship with drugs and alcohol.

So I think most kids can get themselves thru the rough patches where others cannot and these are the hard questions that parents need to be aware of and to know when they need to take action (if ever).



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As I said, the vast majority of kids will come through adolescence OK.   For the rare occasion that a child needs to be removed from the home there needs to be

1.  Proper diagosis from a decent medical doctor, preferrably more.

2.  Due process in the beginning and throughout the duration.  Full access to communication with family and outside medical staff

3.  Consistent monitoring of child and facility by independent entity or persons.  Guardian Ad Litem for example.


for starters.  What else?  




Shit, I gotta git.  I'm late   Someone finish/fix this please.  I'll try and catch up with you guys tonight.

[TheWho]

If they'd open their minds and stop drinking the goddamn koolaid for once, they might figure out that they've been suckered for the past oh, 40 odd years into believing the bullshit. It looks like eyes are opening though. Witness DARE http://www.drugsense.org/tfy/evidence.htm

The latter aspect of the ALERT evaluation illustrates a peculiar feature of school-based drug prevention research during the past 10 yearsWhatever the outcome, the recommendation is for more of the program and more evaluation. With the exception of D.A.R.E., negative findings are seldom accompanied by a suggestion that we try something else.

So your folks were sensitive to the whole drug culture?  Seems they overreacted a tad? Really sucks that they continued to go after you your whole life…its all water under the bridge now but its too bad you couldn’t of just moved away after you got custody of your kids, I not being critical... I am sure there were good reasons you stuck around.

As I said, the vast majority of kids will come through adolescence OK. For the rare occasion that a child needs to be removed from the home there needs to be

1. Proper diagosis from a decent medical doctor, preferrably more.

2. Due process in the beginning and throughout the duration. Full access to communication with family and outside medical staff

3. Consistent monitoring of child and facility by independent entity or persons. Guardian Ad Litem for example.

Seems we agree here, I wouldn’t want to see the kids too isolated or to be in a place they don’t belong without an outside set of eyes and ears reporting back to me.



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