I have to agree with you here Clay....I think that the whole "I said yes, but meant no" issue is way overblown. I have been drunk many times, and had many encounters that I would never have had otherwise, but not a one of them would I consider rape.
I think that there is not such a huge gray area where actual violent "rape" is concerned. I do however, feel that the "idea" of rape encompasses such a huge gray area because of the emotional disruption of individuals. A girl has relations with someone while drunk, wakes up, feels guilt, wants to feel better....whats a better way than to claim that she was taken advantage of? Lookie there! All of a sudden it isnt her fault! Its RAPE! Thats where the proverbial "hot McDonalds coffee in the lap" mentality comes in. You can make anything look really horrible, whether it really is or not is relative to how many people you can convince to think like you do.
I am not discounting rape...I have most certainly been sexually molested before, and I know the difference. However, the human condition will always prevail, as I am fond of saying. Where there is smoke, there is fire...and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...