Author Topic: First flashback  (Read 1132 times)

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Offline try another castle

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First flashback
« on: May 14, 2007, 12:47:27 AM »
After 20 years, give or take a few, had my first flashback on wednesday. Fortunately, I was in a friendly, lively, setting, so I managed to pull my ass together. (A double-shot of cuervo helps.) Dropped out for a while, did some deep breathing, then gradually  re-introduced myself into the environment, and ended up having a really good time.

It was weird, though. I remembered the smell of sweat and tears that permeated the room after one of those ridiculous propheet exercises and we were all smooshing. (gag) That kind of threw me for a loop. Totally involuntary reaction. My gut was in knots, and I was incredibly freaked out. The trigger brought about a combination of feeling forced intimacy coupled with being on "the hot seat". Took me about an hour to get out of it. It helped that there were these two guys outside totally riffing off each other, so I laughed my ass off listening to them. My god, they were hilarious.

I'll be damned if I am going to let some fucked up experience like RMA ruin my good time. I'd been waiting to see these bands for over a month, goddammit. No way I was going to run home. Fuck that shit.

Anyway, yeah, weird. Hopefully I won't be having any more of those, but if I do, so be it.

Anyone else go through an extended period of time after the program where you think you've resolved everything, then suddenly you get hit upside the head with something like a flashback?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »

Offline psy

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Yup
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2007, 12:57:26 AM »
Yup...  Just the other week...

http://wwf.fornits.com/viewtopic.php?t=21470

talked about it there.

What triggered it for you?
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »
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Offline try another castle

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First flashback
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2007, 01:20:12 AM »
It's rather silly, actually. The first band had dancers on the floor, in period burlesque/cabaret garb, and they were totally great, funny, and amazing dancers to boot. I really enjoyed watching them. There were a few times when they came into the crowd, doing a camp routine, and a couple of times they came very close to where I was standing, which was when I was supposed to "engage" them and partake in the act, same as when it happened to anyone else in the crowd. There wasn't any touching or anything. Everyone else was laughing and playing along, but I at first just shyly looked towards the ground and didn't do anything. The few more times it happened, I started to freak out, and say in my brain "get the fuck away from me!" I wasn't mad at them or anything, but I was having this physical and emotional reaction totally contrary to the situation.

I think it was this combination of closeness and having a certain (albeit small) degree of focus placed on me, especially because I was around new acquaintances who I wanted to befriend, so there was that added social discomfort.

Anyway, I got the fuck out of there double-quick and had a smoke.

Laugh all you want, all I have to say is, it's weird what can set  you off.


I remember reading that thread of yours. I think my therapist years ago did some couples therapy with my then girlfriend, and she wanted for us to sit facing each other, and I said after the fact that I didn't like doing that. It didn't cause a flashback like this did, but  it was certainly uncomfortable, so I certainly understand about the sitting down thing. I was adverse to group therapy for years for that very reason. i.e. sitting in a circle.
« Last Edit: December 31, 1969, 07:00:00 PM by Guest »