Help please!

[exhausted]

He may be too smart Antigen...my son is really really clever, he got level 6's in his 11+ (that's grammar school material) but, get this, it's really confusing, he is assessed as having the learning age of a 6 year old (he's 13)

His schooling had to stop in mainstream, basically because if you throw a 6 yr old in with a class room of 13 yr olds he's going to get bored and play up, on the other hand, he knew everything verbally (hence the level 6's) which makes him above average on the inteligence scale, again bored.

So he goes to special needs school, where he is allowed to do everything verbally, he can't write it down, the block kicks in when it comes to putting pen to paper - he is a severe dyslexic - we all know they are usually really clever people

So - I have a really bright, under achieving, clever, unable to understand son ... it must be hell for him, its all there in his brain, he simply cannot understand it if it's in the written word - poor kid, no wonder he gets frustrated and plays up.

[nimdA]

Pull him out of school and provide his education for a year or two. Sounds to me like school is going to be a dead end for him unless you can engage him intellectually. As far as him running around buck wild, I wouldn't worry about it. Learn to laugh at him more, and once he notices he can't provoke a good reaction out of you he will stop trying to have fun at your expense.

My entire school career was a waste of time. It took me forever to realize that education wasn't the purpose of public schools. Once I figured that out I began to educate myself, much to the frustration of my teachers.

They didn't seem to like me catching up on my reading during their ratty little classes.

[Oz girl]

I know someone whose kid went through this phase. She just went to the school at 3 everyday and picked the homework up from the front office. The kid soon got sick of having Mummy come to the school everyday and began to bring the home work home.
She then made him do it under her supervision as soon as he got home. As things improved they relaxed and agreed upon a time when he would so it every night. Are you sure making him repeat is the best option. if he hates school now he is not going to become more enamoured with it if he odes this

[psy]

He may be too smart Antigen...my son is really really clever, he got level 6's in his 11+ (that's grammar school material) but, get this, it's really confusing, he is assessed as having the learning age of a 6 year old (he's 13)

His schooling had to stop in mainstream, basically because if you throw a 6 yr old in with a class room of 13 yr olds he's going to get bored and play up, on the other hand, he knew everything verbally (hence the level 6's) which makes him above average on the inteligence scale, again bored.

Probably much higher verbal IQ.  Same here.  If the difference between the scores on an IQ test is big enough (like with me.. extreme vIQ, lower pIQ) the larger score becomes the effective IQ (not averaged).  It just means a learning/ writing disability (i have  a writing disability...)  Technically, I'm dislexic since disgraphia is covered under that umbrella.

So he goes to special needs school, where he is allowed to do everything verbally, he can't write it down, the block kicks in when it comes to putting pen to paper - he is a severe dyslexic - we all know they are usually really clever people

So - I have a really bright, under achieving, clever, unable to understand son ... it must be hell for him, its all there in his brain, he simply cannot understand it if it's in the written word - poor kid, no wonder he gets frustrated and plays up.

I'm sure you've seen this.. but here: take a look

[Truth Searcher]

Crazed~

In addition to what has already been offered, I would further suggest that you let the biological parent take the lead on this.  Your involvement may be perceived as very threatening by this step child.  

Most family therapists will tell you that bio-parent has to be the 'heavy' parent in situations like this.

How recent is the divorce?  How long has it been since you blended your families?  Perhaps he's exercising what control he feels he has over his life.  He's really just a little boy.  Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

I agree with TS.  It is most certain he is acting out.  Who knows what he went through during the divorce.

I would show empathy, like an aunt would.  It will go far.  Understanding that what he is doing is hard.  Especially since once the children are behind they are lost and just want to give up.  We feel that way as adults.  I would also get all involved to agree to one plan and start fresh.  He will get a clean slate.  Then help him acheive thost goals by showing him how to accomplish them.  If the teacher will agree.  Start with a "new" homework packet -- so that he doesnt have anything to make up.  Tell him to do it 15 minutes at a time.  Have him do it right after a snack.  He can earn his TV time by completing the homework.  He can work for 15 minutes then take a 5 minute break.  Use a timer and let him set it.  Use positive reinforcement.   Rather than always punishing to a point of nothing left.  Try using a positive approach.  Have dad take him by himself somewhere after school if he has his homework done.  I give out coupons if I see my son doing something he wasnt asked to do .. but he knows needs done.  Also, lots of praise and loving words.  Resist the temptation of saying things with the word "should" in it ... ex:  You should be doing that anyway.  Instead say, I am totally impressed... you did this without being told.  Give him a coupon for something he likes to do.  There is also a great poker chip incentive.  If he does his homework then he gets a chip, if he picks up his clothes he gets a chip.  After one week if he has so many chips he gets to go to ____.  After one month if he gets so many chips he gets ___.  I bet he would really be motivated to have time alone with dad.  Hope this helps.  I have a son who gets really frustrated and angry when its homework time.  There is nothing more  annoying... I can assure you.  Taking a deep breath and letting him know the faster he finishes it.. the sooner he can go out.. and play.  Getting dad on board to help with the positive approach is most important.  Making sure they are spending time together is very important.  He is winning the power struggle because he is strong.  Turning the tables on him will throw him off.  Showing him kindness and empathy will go far.  Take babysteps.. it will not be perfect and there will be good days and bad days.  If everyone is on the same page.. he can play people against eachother.  You be the good guy encouraging dad behind the scenes.  Don't take away your love because he isnt doing what want him to do.  Give him love either way.  Just let him know the things he has at home.. DS, Playstation, TV time, computer..all of these things are privledges to be earned by taking care of responsibilites first.  Like I said before.. don't have him start this already overwhelmed.  Hopefully, the teacher will back you.  Try to be very matter of fact about it.. it doesnt upset you because its not you that doesnt get to watch tv today.  If he has been grounded for so long.. he doesnt have much to lose and you have no leverage.  Give a little .. take a little... soon he will learn there are consequences for his actions.  You will definately need to prepare yourself and even if he gets tough and mouthy.  Just say, lets not worry about that.. lets concentrate on getting this done.. so we can go have some fun.  I will also have my son wash his face and return to the table if he can't "turn off the attitude".  I told him he might need a short break and try again.  I will also bring him a big glass of ice water with a straw in it.  Just a gesture to show empathy.  If he does get short.. I tell him.. this homework isnt my problem.  I would be glad to help  you.. but, if you arent going to be respectful to me.. I have other things I can do.   Then just return to the work at hand.  Better to have your husband do it.. but, if he is not home .. you sort of stuck with it.  You will definately need to go wash your face yourself and possibly sit in the bathroom just to gain your composure.. if he is especially challenging.  But .. in time it will be worth it.  Hope this helps.

[Antigen]

Dead on, TS, dead on again! School is not so much about learning the three R's as it is the three C's; Compliance, Conformity and Comatose mental atrophy.

Sorry, I missed that you're the step mom. My bad. Definitely tread lightly there! I highly recommend his dad reading some John Taylor Gatto on unschooling. It's not laid out as an instruction manual or some such, but as a comprehensive history on what modern schooling is really all about w/ frequent comparisons to real life, ongoing learning.

My brother has talked frequently about a friend of his who is profoundly dyslexic. I'm sure her parents and other concerned adults in her life fretted and worried horribly about her because they can't understand how in the world anyone can make it in this world who can't do just what they do just how they were taught to do it. But she does. One day, she starts giggling and paints a chair full of bowlies on a poster board, THEN perfected the recipe to put stew inside of a bowl shaped bread and set herself up in business selling them, mostly to event crowds and construction crews. That got boring, evidently, so she then learned how to make the most spectacularly glazed pottery using only locally available materials in a fire pit (I think she buys in the clay cause Florida doesn't have that much of it). And so she goes, just keeps trippin along happily w/o ever having finished her 12 year sentence.

So don't worry so much. I could cite a hundred examples of people who have become famous on their merit and who have had some form of learning disability or other. But we all know that that kind of success depends a whole lot on blind luck and circumstance. There are plenty of people who just go about quietly living perfectly wonderful lives well outside the narrow range that the schoolpeople dispense and insist are the only salvation from skidrow junkiedome or working at McDonald's.

[Anonymous]

from skidrow junkiedome or working at McDonald's.

You say this as if there's something wrong with that...  

[exhausted]

I'm sure you've seen this.. but here: take a look

I think I've researched every single page of the internet/book/leaflet whatever else there is out there Psy, but thank you

One thing that struck me on that particular piece, is they recognise the colour problem, many don't, my son (especially on the computer) has the background black and the text in white ... he got on much better when we were allowed to have blackboards and chalk in this country, but I noticed him struggling more and more as whiteboards with black pen were introduced
..........school wouldnt have any of it though, they know everything

[Anonymous]

Back in the days of DOS, I used blue text on a medium gray background. I could type all day with that combo and not get a headache.

But after years of using Windows with bunches of things going on at once and like 32 million colors, I've got a major case of ADD.

[exhausted]

Dyslexia is not ADD

[mbnh31782]

are there any private schools (like regular day schools) in your area?  Maybe if you explain your situation they may be able to help you compromize.  A private school is a great way of getting him the low student/teacher ratio and improving one on one time with teachers to help him excel academically.  I am NOT talking about a TBS or Boarding school.  just a regular old fashioned private school thats offered in practically any town.  Additionally, they may have tuition assistance programs or tuition waivers for needy families.

Another option is to have the special ed department test him for deficiencies.  They may be able to make recommendations (maybe he needs a tutor or maybe he has developed some sort of "road block" that is preventing him from excelling in school)  As for the acting out, he may be embarrassed that he is experiencing failure in school , so his behavior becomes his way of "coping" with failing.  If a child is frustrated with something, they will act out or do something to draw attention AWAY from what they are frustrated with.  For example.. a kid who has a hard time reading may act out anytime he is required to read in a group setting or privately, it disrupts the class and allows the attention to be focused on his behavior instead of reading.  He gets removed from the class due to his behavior and he doesnt have to read because he is removed.  Life goes on.

[Anonymous]

Back in the days of DOS, I used blue text on a medium gray background. I could type all day with that combo and not get a headache.

But after years of using Windows with bunches of things going on at once and like 32 million colors, I've got a major case of ADD.

 :rofl:  :rofl:  Very good!